People grow up

I guess things do change.

Still don't know what it is I should do now. Sigh.

Haven't updated for a while.

So. Went rafting. Was fun. Pictures are up on Facebook.

Still not sold yet. But means that I'm still there at the job. It also means any other stuff is on hold.

Maybe if timing was better I guess. Who knows.

I haven't felt the urge to write blogs lately. I have started defining a new world. Something about modern day fantasy would be the closest to it.

Now I just need the main storyline thread.

Anyways, I don't know what's going to happen next still.

Wasting time is a drug.

Just sitting around. Doing nothing. While vital for some relaxation and allowing thoughts to sink in, most of us tend to overdo it. My weekends tend to be unusually sparse. One of the primary reason is because I keep just oversleeping and then, my afternoon and the rest of the day is unusually short.

I've been putting a lot of stuff on hold. It's because I'm in abeyance. Or purgatory. Or limbo. I'm stuck in between the state of doing something and starting. But at the same time, I'm afraid.

I'm of two minds about most things. I over-analyze stuff and I can see both sides of the equation. Cliche as that sounds, I do see other people's viewpoints. I am also overly sensitive to things too.

My primary concern about doing things right now is that I have a lot of options. I keep trying to increase these options so I can pick the most optimum one. At the same time, I kind of wish I didn't have any and that my entire life is semi-planned out. That way, at least I can know what I have to look forward to. This uncertainty is killing me.

I'm afraid of failure. Maybe I do need to fail sometimes in order to progress forward. This wasting time isn't helping me any.

I haven't done any of the goals I set half an year ago. My time just seem to fly away as I deal with the mediocrity of everyday life. I do need to do something. And soon. Back when my passion used to be mathematics, I did excellent things. Not outstanding, but at least excellent. Now, it's like I'm just another one of the washed out crowds.



Whine whine whine. Seriously, I've got to stop this. Ugh. at the same time, this is theurpeutic.

I think I'm a lot like Harvey Dent in a way. =/ Of course, a less confident one, but a more intelligent one.

For those that haven't seen it yet, Dr Horrible's Singalong blog is still up. It's a Joss Wheldon production and everyone should see it before it gets taken down. I'm not a huge fan of Joss Wheldon, but his tight storylines does make the ride go a lot better.

July

Bunch of things coming up. Camping and rafting. July + August.

Work's okay.

Been trying to learn Japanese. Taking its time. And I can't seem to keep to a schedule. Same with working out. Otherwise, life is good.

I think the reason that Magibon is popular, especially her silent videos, is because she smiles while staring at you. The appeal of a cute girl staring at you while smiling is undeniable.

Sound sometimes do detract. I am surprised at her age though. She does look 12.

And yeah. Random? out of Nowhere? Sure. Let's hope life is like that. No Reservations is certainly interesting.

Maybe I'll help Darrick move. I don't know yet.

Dreaming of her. ?When : Dream -> Reality.

It isn't usual for my dreams to e this vivid. Usually I can never catch anything but a glimpse of her. Her face seems to always change, but her essence remains the same. Yet, I think today I have the clearest picture of her yet.

It starts off kind of weird. First of all, she's the daughter of a man who has made millions selling his device on an infomercial. It was a device that's kind of like a blender, but has rubber attachments instead of blades. The device is primarily used to untangle pasta into flowing strands instead of clumps. It worked really well, and it sold for $40 dollars each.

Now, I forget where I met her, but her father was adamant and dead set against me dating his daughter. I think it was something about me that set him off. She however, seemed quite attracted to me somehow. I do not know why, so I'm kind of insecure about that. But do I ever love her. She's sweet, caring. Beautiful. She seems a bit distressed that her father doesn't like me, since she loves her father as well, but. We were making some type of food (I think it was onigiri, since we were making rice balls and covered up the rice with a bowl and plastic wrap). I had to run off for a while and when I came back, she was wrapping stuff up and gave me a stunning smile. My heart melted.

Her brother, who lives in the shadows of their father, is always trying opportunistic devices to try to garner attention and 'succeed'. However, he has never had a successful startup. His most recent invention is about ...actually, I don't remember. It was called some kind of monkey business thing. The last I heard at the patent office, one of the patent office clerks wants to invest his entire life savings into it.

I passed on the news and she seemed happy for her brother. My plans to impress her father seem to backfire, but she doesn't care. She's also kind of quirky (something about snakes? and the backseat of a car?), and for some reason, hates her ex. Well, in that sparse time between sleeping and waking, it seems there is a person (or at least a type, although I doubt I can ever reduce her to just a 'type') I'm extremely attracted to and love.

Who would have thought. Why did I have to wake up. =/

So many details.