On Stupidity

Hmm. On stupidity.

I've always been a shy person. Sure, you may see me as an enthusastic nerd, but seriously, that's a facade I put up. Sometimes I wish that the entire world would just die. Of course, this usually comes up only when I'm feeling in a very very bad mood. Usually I just wish that the entire world would fall sick =p. Of course, I don't mean any of that, but I doubt I ever show any of this stuff unless a person knows me well.

So anyways, because I doubt anyone is going to read this whole thing, I will not relate a story. On self-stupidity and the fact that history repeats itself. Let's see. As read in my previous histories, I was kinda naive. Also, it wasn't until high school that I started to like a girl. Before that, I had noticed them, I can't say I liked them in any particular way. I, being the fool that I am, am very susceptible to peer pressure. Our junior high prom was held at a small convention center up north. At that time, high school was going to be the next big thing. And somehow, having a relationship was like a new way for admission into the adult world. And of course, to begin a relationship, you have to like a person first. A prospect you may say.

So of course, when cornered, I'd be an idiot. Let see, first of all, I was cornered by let see, one of my friends. When I answered that I had no one, they didn't believe me. These people had known me since grade 4, which was approximately 5 years. Even then though, they still did not know what I was thinking. I guess I was a weird kid back then. I still am according to most people. So when I answered no one, they did not really believe me. But back then, I really had not really met anyone I'd really be interested in it. Anyways, after being pressured for all of fifteen minutes, I just blurted out a name just to get them off my back. Seeing their faces were pretty funny. But then they just accepted it. And I was not bothered again. (on a side note, the name I blurted out actually caused people to pause. now, I know why of course. Of course, I could have imagined that look of dismay on one of my best friend's faces...but I don't think so =P)

Subconsciously, I probably had a routine that goes if I'm ever confronted like this again, I'd just randomly blurt out names. The whole history repeats itself? What happens when the girl you like asks who do you like? It's called randomly blurt out time again! So the girl thinks I like some other girl. This is not good. How to fix this? Will time just allow this stupidity to be forgotten? Worse, the girl I blurted out became unavailable soon after I stated it. It might look like I'm switching midstream, but I must admit that the name I blurted out was of category 2: Someone that I could make myself like. Of course, it never reached that stage of liking, similar to what happened with Sharalyn. Haha, she was similar to a surrogate sister. The problem, it still looks damn bad. This did happen quite a time ago, but just surfaced in my head just now. Sometimes I think I'm stupid to the extreme. Sigh. Sometimes I think that nothing good can come of my luck. My luck has always been good for academics and conviniences. Never for love or money. Granted, I've only used my luck on love like...never (it doesn't count if you don't try for it), and for money....the lottery has statistical odds so low that even my luck won't help it.

Why a surrogate sister? I don't know, I was never too close to my sister. But then again, I was never that close to my parents. I love my parents and my sister, but what does it mean to really know them? To predict what they will do given a situation? Their motivations and goals in life? All I know is that they love me and I love them. But to say that we don't have secrets would be a lie. I can't talk to my parents openly. My marks for example, have never been up for discussion. While they will pry, they will never coerce me to telling them. And I won't tell them. Because I am actually disappointed with myself sometimes. Recently, I've started to confide to my family a bit more. That's probably a good thing. Of course, probably because of the culture shock, my parents and I have different values and different means of communication. I just can't always tell them everything. At least I talk to my sister a bit more, but even then, I have to admit that we think very differently. I don't know, I am a very closely guarded person. And yet, even now, I write in this blog almost everything I think about. Why can I do this? Because I could say I don't give two shits about the opinion of the readers. But really, its more like this information can't hurt me if you use it against me. As long as I admit it to myself, information can't hurt. And this method of writing is an outlet for me to express myself and allow this torrent of words flow out.

Oh...a funny thing that I never knew before. Apparently, my parents (my mother especially) had a warning about not dating before the third year in university. I actually thought that they didn't want me to start dating until I finished university or high school. That was because I think they thought that dating would actually caused my studies to go down. I don't know, they have been nosy in the past though. Always asking me about this topic. It's like, if you had a gf, you shouldn't be ashamed of it. We won't be mad at you. Somehow, I sometimes think that they think I'm gay. I'm pretty sure I'm not though. My roommates....now those are curious cases. =p. And apparently, the time that I was "allowed" (not that I wasn't allowed before, it was just more of an approval thing) to start dating was this year. Whoope dee do. Although I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm not sure if that's because I'm a loyal son or the fact that I've never met that someone or of course the always popular 3rd option (I'm not good looking! woo.). But whatever, I'm pretty sure they'd approve of anyone that I like. They're wonderful like that. In this regard, they trust me to do the right thing for myself and allow me to make my own choices. I guess I'm very lucky.

And I still don't know who reads this. Haha, I think the girl in question might actually read this. It's not like I have anything to hide though. Sigh. Maybe I should be more mysterious, like an enigma. Meh, I'm already so eccentric I'm an enigma. =) But seriously, apparently there are people that read this and leave no comments. Hopefully this has been interesting to the audience in question and help you understand my chaotic mind.