I'm so emo it hurts.

Haha. I'm going through all the old songs I have. "Much too scared to let my feelings show. But you shielded me, and that was the beginning..." Most of my favourite ones are the sadder ones that talk more about the emotional uncertainty and how they can't seem to act. I guess music is sort of a reflection of who you are. If you can find songs that fit you. So what does it mean when I like stuff like Lady of Shallot by Loreena McKennitt or certain Jpop songs?

I feel lost. Very lost. Right now, I don't think I have thought of anything I really like to enjoy doing except winning in something. I dislike losing. But then again, I haven't sharpened my skills in any real competitive thing. Maybe simpler, I don't even care about winning that much. More like being recognized. I'd rather be the honorable/dignified/competent person on a losing team than a forgettable winner. I realize that some fame can come at the cost of popularity or doing bad things would get you noticed a lot easier. But that is not for me. I don't think I want to do something bad just to get noticed.

I've noticed that I have two sides to me. One that is empathic towards other people, and one that totally disregards others. The empathic one can not act, for it cares too much. The disregarding one does not act, because it feels too apathetic to do so. But I do notice I can stop my emotions (kill it if you will) by will if I wanted to. I don't know why I developed this skill, but its been there since JHS. I would call it different sides of me if they weren't so different.

Montreal was fun. Darren, Muzzafar, Levent, Yan, Darrick, Allen and I all went down to Montreal for a weekend. Got 4 dozen bagels and 2 pounds of smoked meat. Already finished a dozen of them.

Ahh. As from my last post, I was supposed to go on about girls. But that's too long for a 7:50AM post, so that will be the next post. However, that may be a while. I've decided to start writing again.

Good night and till I meet you again, my Valkyrie.