So what new this week? A new haircut, a new set of glasses, a new mp3 player, a new webcam.
Besides material stuffs, not much.
Anyways, been playing WoW quite a bit still. It's a good timewaster, although one wonders if wasting time is ever good. But then again, all you need to do is find out several activities that you would enjoy as you continue your journey to death. Pleasant thought eh?
I found out several things.
I can't seem to get into K-dramas. I don't know if its the actors, the culture or the plots, but I simply cannot seem to relate to them on a level I can understand.
I also don't find the Korean actresses attractive. Maybe it's the cultural undertones or the lack of media contact/brainwashing, I just don't find them as attractive as some people profess 'drop-dead gorgeous'.
I lack passion. Ambition I have. It's that I can't get into a topic too deeply or interested in it for its own sake. Or at least any activities that would help me make a 'living'. That's why I make short term goals for myself that has direct results. Why I like games that have 'rep' systems because it feels like I'm accomplishing something, or at least tricking myself into thinking so. I'm pretty confident in my ability to do things, so I feel like a missile without a target. Drive, it's what I'm missing.
So my dad and I get into a huge discussion on what I should do after graduation. I still don't know. I find it hard to decide, and harder to take action on a definite step.
There's more that I should write, but I can't think of them at the moment that would be appropiate because it would be trite. So good night and sweet dreams, my dear Valkyrie.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Stories that strike the heart.
There are some stories that hit me in my heart. I've always believed that there is something special and sacred about relationships. I'm a romantic and an idealist. There is something special about every relationship, whether good or bad. Sure, maybe relationships sour over time and maybe it won't work out in the end. But to actively interfere in someone else's relationship because you can seems despicable.
It is even worse when you don't particularly care about the person you are interfering with and playing with them like human toys.
Damn, sometimes I wish I could wipe those people off the planet.
Where did this come from? Just a story I've read. I got very disturbed after reading it. Angry even.
I just read a dream that I've written down only 4 days ago, and I no longer remember the particulars about the dream. Sigh. It looks like even writing them down doesn't work anymore.
It is even worse when you don't particularly care about the person you are interfering with and playing with them like human toys.
Damn, sometimes I wish I could wipe those people off the planet.
Where did this come from? Just a story I've read. I got very disturbed after reading it. Angry even.
I just read a dream that I've written down only 4 days ago, and I no longer remember the particulars about the dream. Sigh. It looks like even writing them down doesn't work anymore.
Fun saturday. Not many like it so far.
Anyways, I realized that I forgot to include photos. They will be posted at the end of this post.
So on Saturday, Mason, Val and I went around Ottawa just hanging around. Went to the Lieutenant's Pump, a small pub, for lunch. Diner like in its menu, I couldn't get liver and onions because it was brunch, so I settled with its breakfast special. It was pretty and good. Tasty. We discussed random topics including but not limited to: religion, food, people, medical practices, government spending, politics, etc. We wandered Bywood market, and Parliament Hill. It was closed, but we still went up the Peace Tower. Went around Rideau center.
Afterwards, had a very enjoyable meal at Big Daddy's Crab Shack. They had oysters on the half shell there, so we had a couple of those, and some oysters baked with crabmeat and cheese. Tasty appetizers. I had the Texas Redfish and mash potatoes with lobster gravy. Mason had the catfish and Val had crabcakes/crawfish combo. The crabcakes were awesome, much better than the crap they served down in Waterloo at that fish house. The fish was awesome (both of them) with good flavor and fresh tasting filets. The vegetables were one of the few steamed vegetables that were cooked well and still retained its flavour. No frozen vegetables here. Or at least if it was, they cooked it well. The mash potatoes with lobster gravy was a bit salty, but excellent nevertheless.
Then we wandered a bit more, and went home. A most enjoyable saturday.
=================================================
Why is it that everytime I hear songs from Love Hina, it makes me want to cry? By all counts, it is a happy anime, with love and redemption, and yet it makes my eyes water up. Maybe it marks a return to the time when there was less responsibilities and more possibilities and that it is a realization of wasted effort that I have put in since? Or maybe that the world changes and yet, I still long for the days of yesterday?
Maybe it is because it contrasts the life that I have now versus the one before? Nostalgia, as always, is a most interesting emotion, fill with heartache and regret. And yet it is one I treasure the most, as it reminds me I'm still here.
=================================================
I just had a weird dream just now, but not going to post it here. I don't understand it myself. But weird. Damn weird.
The storyline will change like this. The female that the lead is interested in would be switch sides because of a switch in ideology. The lead would be interested in a new girl on his own side. They get married, have a kid, but he still can't forget the first girl, even though he was on the other side. Even after resolution, this causes a break between the lead and girl #2, causing a shift in balance in their side of organization. Of course, there is the redemption part, which is that the guy realize what he was chasing was a figment of his imagination and returns to girl #2. Very cliche, but sometimes things are cliche for a reason. It is the execution that is going to be difficult.
=================================================
Some photos from last week:
Here's a huge dinosaur bone, with Sandy in it.
Richard getting eaten by dinosaurs.
Me with triceratops!
Sandy and I with Einstein!
=============================================================
Anyways. Time to sleep. Good night all!
So on Saturday, Mason, Val and I went around Ottawa just hanging around. Went to the Lieutenant's Pump, a small pub, for lunch. Diner like in its menu, I couldn't get liver and onions because it was brunch, so I settled with its breakfast special. It was pretty and good. Tasty. We discussed random topics including but not limited to: religion, food, people, medical practices, government spending, politics, etc. We wandered Bywood market, and Parliament Hill. It was closed, but we still went up the Peace Tower. Went around Rideau center.
Afterwards, had a very enjoyable meal at Big Daddy's Crab Shack. They had oysters on the half shell there, so we had a couple of those, and some oysters baked with crabmeat and cheese. Tasty appetizers. I had the Texas Redfish and mash potatoes with lobster gravy. Mason had the catfish and Val had crabcakes/crawfish combo. The crabcakes were awesome, much better than the crap they served down in Waterloo at that fish house. The fish was awesome (both of them) with good flavor and fresh tasting filets. The vegetables were one of the few steamed vegetables that were cooked well and still retained its flavour. No frozen vegetables here. Or at least if it was, they cooked it well. The mash potatoes with lobster gravy was a bit salty, but excellent nevertheless.
Then we wandered a bit more, and went home. A most enjoyable saturday.
=================================================
Why is it that everytime I hear songs from Love Hina, it makes me want to cry? By all counts, it is a happy anime, with love and redemption, and yet it makes my eyes water up. Maybe it marks a return to the time when there was less responsibilities and more possibilities and that it is a realization of wasted effort that I have put in since? Or maybe that the world changes and yet, I still long for the days of yesterday?
Maybe it is because it contrasts the life that I have now versus the one before? Nostalgia, as always, is a most interesting emotion, fill with heartache and regret. And yet it is one I treasure the most, as it reminds me I'm still here.
=================================================
I just had a weird dream just now, but not going to post it here. I don't understand it myself. But weird. Damn weird.
The storyline will change like this. The female that the lead is interested in would be switch sides because of a switch in ideology. The lead would be interested in a new girl on his own side. They get married, have a kid, but he still can't forget the first girl, even though he was on the other side. Even after resolution, this causes a break between the lead and girl #2, causing a shift in balance in their side of organization. Of course, there is the redemption part, which is that the guy realize what he was chasing was a figment of his imagination and returns to girl #2. Very cliche, but sometimes things are cliche for a reason. It is the execution that is going to be difficult.
=================================================
Some photos from last week:
Here's a huge dinosaur bone, with Sandy in it.
Richard getting eaten by dinosaurs.
Me with triceratops!
Sandy and I with Einstein!
=============================================================
Anyways. Time to sleep. Good night all!
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Well...kinda finished WoW
Well, its been another long while since I've posted. That delay was caused by WoW. Yes, its an artificial goal set by a game, but I've finished what I set out to do with 2 months to go. Well, it is fun, to talk to people and to try to finish an shared objective. It is pretty lonely here in Kanata.
Well, I went to the Nature musuem this past Sunday with Richard and Sandy. Was fun, although some exhibits were not ready despite it being the first weekend to open since its renovation of its east wing. So the dinosaur exhibit was awesome. Pictures below. It was fun. Afterwards, went to Zek's diner. I had liver and onions, which is what I order everytime I go into a "diner". It was okay. Different from most I've had, because this was actually cooked well past done, to a bit burnt. However, the onion was kinda still raw, meaning it still had bite to it, but not enough sweetness. The coleslaw was okay, as was the onion rings. Overall, it was decent.
Afterwards, we went to Kate's house because she was throwing a small gathering for StatCan people. So Richard and I tagged along. Afterwards, we went home while they went to a bar. Living out in the boonies means that we were at the mercy of the buses.
==========================================================================
More thinking.
What am I looking for? A girl that interests me intellectually and physically. Apparently, she doesn't exist. Lily thinks that I have more chance looking for girls on WoW than in real life.
Could be what I want doesn't exist? It could be, because apparently if I think about it, I'm not even viewing what I want as a person anymore. You can't expect to just ask for someone that would stay with you without conditions. Will I be willing to change in order to be with anyone? Of course, I'll say right now, but who knows in the future. You are who you are. You can change in the little ways, but it is hard to change a lot of little things than one big thing.
I don't know what I want in life yet. My interests are varied, yet none of them are a passion for me. Perhaps I need to find someone that would inspire passion. But I'm too shallow. I want someone that understand geek culture, is interesting (weird in otherwords =P), and in my opinion, looks good. But from what I understand of statistics, the chance of me meeting someone single like that is next to 0. Most of them are in a relationship already. Sometimes I wonder if the person I'll fall in love with will have a huge traumatic experience or have been hurt before. Otherwise I'd probably never "deserve" her. Sigh. I have an inferiority complex nowadays, or at least for this aspect of my life. I think I've always had it.
I guess I don't know what my future holds. Nor do I know what path it should take. This path will probably warn girls away with "Loser" branded on my forehead. Or maybe it does now. Indirection is never good. Always go with the direct. But for now, it is better to be a bit more indecisive than to be trapped in something you don't like for a long while. Apparently, I'm still young, even though I'm probably too old for a first kiss. In this aspect, my mind is probably still in high school.
And I decided to quit swearing. Swearing for me was never about blasphemy or any special thing. It was to garner attention on to whatever I was talking about. Therefore, in order to emphasize anything I will instead just growl in a menacing tone.
Oh yeah, waiting for my mail order perscription glasses to arrive. It's a good deal, considering the 'features' its supposed to have. Memoryless, bendable, "rimless" for $50. That, and a haircut. And a new wardrobe. Apparently I need a lot of things. Kind of want a new mp3 player, but that will have to wait.
Anyways, I got nothing else to write. Good night. Been having weird dreams, but each of them are semi-enjoyable. Till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.
Well, I went to the Nature musuem this past Sunday with Richard and Sandy. Was fun, although some exhibits were not ready despite it being the first weekend to open since its renovation of its east wing. So the dinosaur exhibit was awesome. Pictures below. It was fun. Afterwards, went to Zek's diner. I had liver and onions, which is what I order everytime I go into a "diner". It was okay. Different from most I've had, because this was actually cooked well past done, to a bit burnt. However, the onion was kinda still raw, meaning it still had bite to it, but not enough sweetness. The coleslaw was okay, as was the onion rings. Overall, it was decent.
Afterwards, we went to Kate's house because she was throwing a small gathering for StatCan people. So Richard and I tagged along. Afterwards, we went home while they went to a bar. Living out in the boonies means that we were at the mercy of the buses.
==========================================================================
More thinking.
What am I looking for? A girl that interests me intellectually and physically. Apparently, she doesn't exist. Lily thinks that I have more chance looking for girls on WoW than in real life.
Could be what I want doesn't exist? It could be, because apparently if I think about it, I'm not even viewing what I want as a person anymore. You can't expect to just ask for someone that would stay with you without conditions. Will I be willing to change in order to be with anyone? Of course, I'll say right now, but who knows in the future. You are who you are. You can change in the little ways, but it is hard to change a lot of little things than one big thing.
I don't know what I want in life yet. My interests are varied, yet none of them are a passion for me. Perhaps I need to find someone that would inspire passion. But I'm too shallow. I want someone that understand geek culture, is interesting (weird in otherwords =P), and in my opinion, looks good. But from what I understand of statistics, the chance of me meeting someone single like that is next to 0. Most of them are in a relationship already. Sometimes I wonder if the person I'll fall in love with will have a huge traumatic experience or have been hurt before. Otherwise I'd probably never "deserve" her. Sigh. I have an inferiority complex nowadays, or at least for this aspect of my life. I think I've always had it.
I guess I don't know what my future holds. Nor do I know what path it should take. This path will probably warn girls away with "Loser" branded on my forehead. Or maybe it does now. Indirection is never good. Always go with the direct. But for now, it is better to be a bit more indecisive than to be trapped in something you don't like for a long while. Apparently, I'm still young, even though I'm probably too old for a first kiss. In this aspect, my mind is probably still in high school.
And I decided to quit swearing. Swearing for me was never about blasphemy or any special thing. It was to garner attention on to whatever I was talking about. Therefore, in order to emphasize anything I will instead just growl in a menacing tone.
Oh yeah, waiting for my mail order perscription glasses to arrive. It's a good deal, considering the 'features' its supposed to have. Memoryless, bendable, "rimless" for $50. That, and a haircut. And a new wardrobe. Apparently I need a lot of things. Kind of want a new mp3 player, but that will have to wait.
Anyways, I got nothing else to write. Good night. Been having weird dreams, but each of them are semi-enjoyable. Till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Been a week
So I've been thinking this past week. Oh yeah, my total number of pages to write is now 4. Damn my straying thoughts.
I noticed I was thinking a lot while I was walking. About my life in general, and al ot of other things. The problem comes in recalling it. I can't. They are deep profound thoughts, dedicated to changing my perception of everything, and yet, I usually forget it as soon as I get home. I have a shadow of what it was, and yet, I just can't remember exactly the thoughts exactly.
============================================================
What am I looking for? Some would say immortality. Some will say immortality lays within the gneetic material we pass on to the next generation. Others would say that we would remember those that stay close to our hearts. Yet others would say that immortality lay in wait for those that are great enough for everyone to remember. Yet in a few hundre years, we fall. Forgotten from memory, forgotten from the face of the earth. No one would mourn us. And that is too sad to contemplate. I guess then, if it is not immortality that we seek, then it should be pursuit of the moment, or at least the moment and the immediate future. For all plans shatter and the first ring of reality.
Ha. What I want to do for the rest of my life? I kind of figure this thing out. I am simply, a system exploiter. I have an innate understanding of systems in the abstract sense, and I can sense the weakness and strengths of them. I can't see what time of job will allow me to use this ability fully, but if I do, it will be a fun job.
I think I've been treating girls like figurines again. I have a problem treating them as people. I hold them up to pedestals, which is unfair of me to do so. I guess its all this romantism and chivalry that I still believe on some fundamental level, underneath this hard crusty cynical shell. But I think I know what I want now. A companion. One that is willing to put up with my impulsiveness. And yes, I'm impulsive. It's just that being impulsive alone isn't that much fun.
Sigh, there are a lot more things. I'll have to write them down next time, instead of relying on memory. My memory fades fast. Too fast. Till I see you in my dreams, my Muse.
I noticed I was thinking a lot while I was walking. About my life in general, and al ot of other things. The problem comes in recalling it. I can't. They are deep profound thoughts, dedicated to changing my perception of everything, and yet, I usually forget it as soon as I get home. I have a shadow of what it was, and yet, I just can't remember exactly the thoughts exactly.
============================================================
What am I looking for? Some would say immortality. Some will say immortality lays within the gneetic material we pass on to the next generation. Others would say that we would remember those that stay close to our hearts. Yet others would say that immortality lay in wait for those that are great enough for everyone to remember. Yet in a few hundre years, we fall. Forgotten from memory, forgotten from the face of the earth. No one would mourn us. And that is too sad to contemplate. I guess then, if it is not immortality that we seek, then it should be pursuit of the moment, or at least the moment and the immediate future. For all plans shatter and the first ring of reality.
Ha. What I want to do for the rest of my life? I kind of figure this thing out. I am simply, a system exploiter. I have an innate understanding of systems in the abstract sense, and I can sense the weakness and strengths of them. I can't see what time of job will allow me to use this ability fully, but if I do, it will be a fun job.
I think I've been treating girls like figurines again. I have a problem treating them as people. I hold them up to pedestals, which is unfair of me to do so. I guess its all this romantism and chivalry that I still believe on some fundamental level, underneath this hard crusty cynical shell. But I think I know what I want now. A companion. One that is willing to put up with my impulsiveness. And yes, I'm impulsive. It's just that being impulsive alone isn't that much fun.
Sigh, there are a lot more things. I'll have to write them down next time, instead of relying on memory. My memory fades fast. Too fast. Till I see you in my dreams, my Muse.
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