Been a week

So I've been thinking this past week. Oh yeah, my total number of pages to write is now 4. Damn my straying thoughts.

I noticed I was thinking a lot while I was walking. About my life in general, and al ot of other things. The problem comes in recalling it. I can't. They are deep profound thoughts, dedicated to changing my perception of everything, and yet, I usually forget it as soon as I get home. I have a shadow of what it was, and yet, I just can't remember exactly the thoughts exactly.

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What am I looking for? Some would say immortality. Some will say immortality lays within the gneetic material we pass on to the next generation. Others would say that we would remember those that stay close to our hearts. Yet others would say that immortality lay in wait for those that are great enough for everyone to remember. Yet in a few hundre years, we fall. Forgotten from memory, forgotten from the face of the earth. No one would mourn us. And that is too sad to contemplate. I guess then, if it is not immortality that we seek, then it should be pursuit of the moment, or at least the moment and the immediate future. For all plans shatter and the first ring of reality.

Ha. What I want to do for the rest of my life? I kind of figure this thing out. I am simply, a system exploiter. I have an innate understanding of systems in the abstract sense, and I can sense the weakness and strengths of them. I can't see what time of job will allow me to use this ability fully, but if I do, it will be a fun job.

I think I've been treating girls like figurines again. I have a problem treating them as people. I hold them up to pedestals, which is unfair of me to do so. I guess its all this romantism and chivalry that I still believe on some fundamental level, underneath this hard crusty cynical shell. But I think I know what I want now. A companion. One that is willing to put up with my impulsiveness. And yes, I'm impulsive. It's just that being impulsive alone isn't that much fun.

Sigh, there are a lot more things. I'll have to write them down next time, instead of relying on memory. My memory fades fast. Too fast. Till I see you in my dreams, my Muse.