Steps

I guess I complain a lot. I look at the negative rather than the positive. I see stagnation and neglect.

I see myself.

Change is what keeps things alive. We measure our moments by changes. We measure the passing of time by observable changes around us. To change is to live. To stay still is to stagnate.

I have stood still.

I want to change, but not enough. I move slowly, while others dart like quicksilver. I have wasted my life, my lost chances and opportunities.

Worse off, it was because I didn't try.

And now that it has passed, I can only look back with regret, not fondness for where I am. I can only stand and wonder about mediocrity. I have stepped in and slid in like a comfortable old coat and complain about the glories of yesteryear.

I can continue to stand, or try to walk forward.

I have tested the waters and walked a few baby steps, but it is still early. Easy to blame video games, but it is only the tool, not the cause. It is easier for the imaginative to slip into a world where life matters, than those without. I am too easily stuck in fantasy than most. I state it as fact, not for bragging rights.

The only thing to do is to use it to my advantage.

It is one of my dreams/goals to be a writer. I have always wated to share the world I see with people. Science has lacked the ability to make our dreams visible by other people. All we can do is use our inept language to handle communication.

A person without purpose, is a man without a soul.

Contentment is denied the person who strives for nothing. No success can succeed without the other: achievement, respect and happiness. For it takes achievement for respect, respect for happiness and happiness for achievement. Only then will one feel satisfied.

To change who I am, to live again, I will place a test.

Anytime I place a thought about a girl in any other capacity than friend (more than friends), I will write a new page about the story. This stops when I ask her out for the first date. A strong motive for both, for the second follows only when I think it is right. Until then, I cannot find solace in my video games. Instead, I will find solace in my world of imagination. To start, I will need an outline, revised characters and placement within the outline. Each page is 12 font double space. Plans for the outline comes first. Then expansion.

This might be the beginning steps. Baby steps Kevin, but moving forward.

I just may take up pure math agin. Surely though, I will probably want brain teasers. Learning about how things work. Systems in general. And definately sleeping more.

In time, I might make it to open the door of this world.

And enter into another one, satisfied with what I have left behind me. Immortality only exist in the minds of the living. And I intend to at least attempt it.

I cast myself to your fate, my fair muse. Till I see you again, in my dream.

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Plot idea: Contrast villain's action to hero's inaction. Hero's fatalism causes the world's cataclysm. Redemption in the second and third part only because of Hero's reluctant burden of action.