To account for dreams

Dreams is a very special topic for me. For me, dreams represent something foreign and unknown, yet comforting in a strange way. In many ways, when I finish a dream, I feel nostalgic, as if I was refreshed by a memory I have long forgotten. I've tried throughout the years, to write down some of my dreams and try to figure them out.

Most of my dreams do not follow any set protocol. There are no real symbols that I can discern. Instead, each dream is a story, a small plotline that goes from anywhere from the beginning to the end. Sometimes I'm launched into the middle of the story with knowledge about the basic people. Others, I see from the beginning to an abrupt end (when I wake up). Most of these dreams are adventures. I've been a spy, superscientist, modern military scout, mecha pilot, everyday guy, a hero, a fallen outcast, a psychic user, a regular schoolkid-turned-pilot... Each of these dreams have some sort of adventure to it. It's weird. Sometimes I'm just trying to solve a mystery.

For quite a while now, I have noticed a girl in my dreams though. Since the beginning, there was a girl there. There are several aspects of this girl. In one type of dream, she's a mysterious figure. On my side, but only helps me out occasionally. In one dream, for example, she's the lead scientist that developed a process to develop weapons that only exist in potentia, hence developing legendary weapons such as Excalibur. (There's a whole story to this. If you ever want to know, you'll have to ask me directly). In other dreams, she's on the opposite side and we're enemies at first. There are two endings to the dreams where she's on the opposite side. In one, both sides are nearly wiped out and the conflict is over. However, she still feels loyalty to her people and while we can still meet, it is a painful goodbye. The other ending is where we reject both society and become outlaws from both sides of the conflict. Another aspect is where she is clearly just an observor like me.

Weird huh. However, what is weird is that I can never see her face. And although her hair style changes, it is almost always straight hair, either black or brown.

I've taken to calling her my Valkyrie, named after the Norse goddess who take the fallen dead to Valhalla. I don't know why I chose that description, but it seemed to fit.

If anyone want to suggest a meaning to all this, I'm all ears. Until then, I guess it's time to sleep for me.
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Oh, have you ever had a sense of nostalgia by the environment you're in? For me, there are 2 environments that seem to envoke a feeling of wistful longing or rememberance of something lost. The first is the night of the summer sky. As I'm walking down the park, looking up towards the black horizon in a diamond scattered sky, with crickets chirping and the soft breeze of the night, it makes me feel as if something is missing. No, someone. It's as if there should be two people walking down the path I'm walking on. Heh. I believe it was a famous poet (forgot who now) that said that if June nights could talk, it would brag about how it invented love.

The other environmental condition is the other extreme. That of extreme winter. Picture a chilling silent winter evening, with the light of the stars being bounced back by the blanketes of snow. The lustrous white gleaming as the sky seem to be alit with starfire. The chill of the winter night adds to the tranquil atmosphere as one walks down the path. I guess it's that type of environment that raises feelings of loneliness and the need for companionship and the fact that we are really alone out in a world of tranquility.

It sounds like it's sappy, but it's how I feel when I walk in those conditions. Meh. But sometimes, those environmental conditions are very comfortable and make me able to relax in an otherwise stressful environment (like Waterloo).
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Stream of consciousness writing. It's kind of sloppy, but it does the job, which is to convey what I'm feel sometimes. I think sometimes, that the reason I play games is so that I don't have to think about all this. But then sometimes, it is just so damn enjoyable. It is interacting with people on a different medium. Or otherwise pretend to be someone I am not. OF course, D&D would probably be better for that.

Here's my biggest worry: that it is very difficult to meet new people usually. It should be relatively easy in university, but most people in university, I find, are self-centered and do not care much for other people or their viewpoints. Me, I just enjoy meeting new people, mainly because they serve either as a new base for my ideas or as sources for new ideas. I would like to call myself an observor, but the problem is that an observor doesn't get any 'action'. And it just gets harder to meet people from here. Sigh.

Oh yeah, it doesn't help that I lack the avenues of some people, like religious institutions, clubs that require ability (like drawing, or most sports), or stuff that does not interest me much (kareoke, pretentious ethnic people (you know which ones I detest)). It doesn't help that while I'm Chinese, I lack the avenues towards fellowship there (because my language skills are poor) and the fact that while I know most of the Chinese culture, popular Chinese culture eludes me. Kareoke, Chinese actors, Chinese politics, are foreign to me. Nor do I care about them. On the flip side, while I know Western culture very well, after being part of it for more than 3/4 of my life, I can never fully fit in, mainly because of this culture clash. I also lack an appreciation for some stuff that Western society so highly emphasis, such as watching sports, drinking, and religion. I do not fit in to many mold at all except outsider or stranger. With that in mind, you could probably classify me as a nerd, yet I do socialize, sometimes. As a geek, yet I'm not really obsessive about anything, I lack the concentration. I'm a HK citizen as well as a Canadian citizen, yet I'd rather think of myself as just a citizen. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if everybody's bodies suddenly disappear and just our essence of self (our soul) remained. Maybe then this disparity would not exist. Sometimes I doubt it though, as our brains need labels to function. Maybe that's why I can't function very well. I still can't categorize myself into any easy category. All I can categorize myself into is the type of person who is "me".
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Wow. More than 3 different people have posted comments now throughout several posts. FJ, thanks for the replies. Heh. I didn't even know you read this. MC, I still feel sorry that you have to pull your post out from your own blog, but I understand it may have been embarassing for those involved. JY, how's Japan, I'm surprised you have time to read this =P. Jas, thanks for reading, although I still find it a mystery you found this blog. Tif, no clue who you are, but thanks for reading. To the other readers, post a comment. I'll try to get back to it as soon as possible. David, I know you read this. Go sign up for an account so you can comment =p.
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Anyways, I should get to sleep. It is 2:30 and I got work tomorrow. Damn, riding my bike through the snow sucks.