Clarification

Apparently, clarification is in order. What I meant was that inhibitions were lowered by drinking, but not unconsciously. That it is not so much as a switch that inhibitions will turn off, but rather you'd give up the battle to keep your inhibitions there.

Just got my computer rehooked up with a new hard drive. The old one has a serious problem in 10 gigabytes of its storage. I might just leave it there, but first I'd have to make sure the important stuff stay with me. Too bad a lot of it is already gone =/.

Academically, I'm still doing decently. Nowhere near the top but not enough to get me kicked out. I supposed if I tried, I'd do much better. But my problem has always been motivation. Which is exactly what Allen pointed out. He says I don't try. And then Christie pointed out how I'm wishy-washy and indecisive. I hesitate not to sit on the fence. She is really quite insightful, although her method of insightfulness could use a little work (encouragement towards suicide should not be used frequently as a method of enlightenment!).

On one hand, I could say that I sit on the fence in order to see clearly and objectively. On the other hand, you could say that I sit in the middle to avoid offending anyone. I don't know. It could be a habit that I do it unconsciously because I learned back then that the easiest way through life is not to offend anyone and not to tackle on challenges that are impossible.

Well, why am I so apathetic? Is it because I really have no real worries or troubles? I have no goal in life either. I have no cause to dedicate myself to. There are things that interests me, but those are usually passing fancies. I get interested in things easily, but I do not keep interest well. After the initial interest wanes, unless there's something that really grabs me, I give it up. Or if there's nothing that grabs me, at least it's something I do everyday.

For example, I used to be really interested in astronomy, but there is a limit to how much knowledge you can acquire unless you work at astronomy for life. As for stuff like games, there's also only so much you can do with them. Stuff like WoW may seem interesting for a while, but after a bit, you have to realize there's not much you can do with the knowledge you acquire. As for other interests, they usually depend on situations on whether it is useful or not.

I don't know what I'm interested in. Electrical engineering is interesting, until you realize you can't do anything by yourself that's cool. Circuits like boards and stuff require long work hours and dedication of your whole life to learning circuits. You also need a team of speicalists to build the rest of the board. I have no artistic talent, just lots of ideas for books and stuff. I could become a writer, but then I sometimes just can't write and writing novels is a pasttime, not something you can live on unless you're a famous one, especially in scifi. As you can see right now, my writing is like Dickens....its long winded.

Bah...it's depressing isn't it. I'm complaining about a charmed life where I don't have to worry about much. But doesn't everyone go through phases to find out what they're here for. I just can't seem to find it. Or I do, but then lack interest in it. This kind of makes me feel like a commit-phobe doesn't it? These shortcomings are easy to see if I take time and note them, but I forget about them as soon as I get distracted.

Damn it. Curse my short memory. In short, I have no idea what to do with my life. One friend tells me that we're still young. But at 21, isn't it time you found a path, or at least a direction, to turn your life towards? I enjoy consuming stories, but what can I do to "produce"? Ugh...this question has no forseeable answers in the near future.

Happy Birthday Edmund. Sorry I couldn't attend. =/

Well...it would end there, but I forgot that I didn't really explain what happened at Bomber the other night.