Quarterlife crises. Seriously, what's up with that?

Sometimes I wonder about mental health and how it disrupts us. We strive so hard to be special, and it always hurts a little inside when we find that we are merely interchangeable clogs in society. We lack confidence at that point and basically become hollow shells of ourselves.

Sometimes life doesn't go as we plan, and sometimes it does. We never seem to know when it does and when it doesn't. But at our age, it's so hard to see a sign about what we should do. Either way though, all we can hope for is that we don't do something we regret. Like missing out on life in certain ways.

Some people will turn to religions. Others turn to family or friends. Others turn to their special someone. All of those help, but in the end, the decision to make is still your own. To be content, or to be happy. To compromise or stick with integrity. It's a fine line to walk between, between contentment and stagnation, satisfaction and mediocrity and happiness with uncertainty. Sometimes I feel like we just don't appreciate things because we haven't suffered enough. Personally, I don't feel like I am strong. I bear no scars of the past. People talk about artists needing to suffer before they can create true art. I state that it is by scars of the past, emotional and mental, that allow people to be great.

I don't believe I can post that I condone suicide, but I do believe some people feel despair to the point where we probably wouldn't understand. Nobody ever lives the same life as another person. We all make choices that other people wouldn't understand.

It's that reason why people aren't truly logical and they remain the last bastion of true chaos. Sometimes I wonder if that's the reason I find psychology and this all so fascinating. That we can never truly understand the people we live with in this world. That all we can do is conjecture based on own experience. It's sad really. That sometimes I wonder if when we do find someone that we really connect with, even then you can't sure your perceptions with them. That I believe is why we have art. Because we try, incompletely and blindly, to express ourselves with bad tools. The problem is how do we create better ones. I guess all I'm waiting for is technology that allow us to interface directly with our brains and share our perceptions directly. Yet, it is times like these that I wonder if we really have a soul. Some kind of hidden spark then, that makes us special and unique. I'd like to believe that, I really would, but I can't. Just because from what most of us experience, life just doesn't really work that way. We live because we are just there. It's hard to feel special, and I suppose that special someone might be a surrogate for that inner spark.

We live our lives and wonder why some people did what they did. How do other people perceive the world? Each person has a different perspective on the world. How do we tap into it? If we ever figure that out, it would probably be the worst thing in the world, because the mystery of thinking would be gone and we would be able to control the thoughts of others, just like how we try to control the environment. After that, we'll be like sheep and the beauty of the last remaining bastion of chaos would be gone.