Another Story

Well, since I haven't been posting for a while and the fact that I've neglected to post so much means that I should really keep up and write everything I want to write now. After all, who knows when the next time the WoW server crash will be?

So to continue from joined discontinuities, the Internet is really a place that is easy to interact with, but empty without the effort of human communication. It is not a place where people talk. It is a place where people lie, bullshit, brag, annoy, ..., express themselves in a way that they would not do in real life.

This was the 12th year of my highschool year. I guess it was the hormones talking, but I desperately wanted female companionship. After what I guess, would be called a unrequited infatuation, a "pining" if you will, I knew I basically had no chance at all. No matter what anyone says, better to live than to regret sounds easy in principle, but much harder to apply in real life. If nothing else, the gifted program has taught me to be afraid of failure. Almost like a phobia. Thus, for me to do anything that is permenant and may affect my future was nigh impossible.

By coincidence, I forget how (and the logs are buried in the midst of my old computer after a reformat), I was in a IRC channel talking about manga. At that time, I was still free enough to do stuff like just idle around and talk while playing a mud. I somehow was talking about an incident at school and somehow someone was commenting and asking about several points in my story. The person made some interesting points and I asked if the person knew the person I was talking about, which was James, a fairly well known figure in our school. So after that we started talking about James, which led us to just generally converse. She was a girl named Amy and went to a different school, but knew James through her Chinese school.

After a while, we started to talk to each other more frequently. Of course, it wasn't very personal. After all, they've always told us to try to be safe and anonymous on the Internet. So all we talked about was inane stuff that didn't really matter.

James somehow found out about it and thus people knew about it. But seriously, it never went beyond just talking, yet people referred to her as my internet girlfriend. I mean wtf? It was just talking. I've never even met the girl. So one day, we decided to meet, but being the young and stupid people we are, we involve other people. So I was at Pacific Mall kareoking with my friends while she was there to shop and have tea? (don't know for sure). And somehow James was part of our group at that time and was there too. So when he came in, he said "Kevin, Amy's out there." Since I was wondering where she was (since I've never met her), I rushed out, being the stupid idiot that I am. When I saw her, she was sitting with two of her other friends. I introduced myself, but then, because I guess of my inept social skills at that time, didn't have much to say to them but hi and bye. Must have looked like a freak.

Anyways. After that, we rarely talked again and now I've lost all contact with her after entering university.

Sigh. But was there anything to regret? I mean, nothing happend. I just lost a potential friend, that's all. Maybe a potential girlfriend, but that's getting ahead of ourselves. The only thing that was connecting us was our discussions on the Internet. But the Internet is not real life and never will be. It is good as a extension of communication, but if people don't see each other in real life, there will be no future, as friends or otherwise.

At least I guess, since people care for you so little on the Internet, at least most people out there won't give a rat's ass about you and hate you.