A lot like love.

I keep meaning to write in this blog, but I get distracted so easily, whether by games or movies or tv shows. WoW is certainly taking a chunk of my time, but I'm playing it in full force because it will be the first and last time I will play the game. This is because after this work term, I will no longer have the huge chunks of time required to devote myself to it. If you play it half-ass, it isn't worht playing.

So here I am, here to write again and express myself in a medium where stream of consciousness writing is not required, but efinately encouraged. Anyways, throughout the day, I kept on feeling tired. So, to counteract this, I've removed my computer monitor and keyboard and mouse from my deskt to next ot my bed (technically just a matress. students got to travel light) and right now I'm typing this post with my eyes closed lying on my bed. Ahh, those typing skills I got while playing so many MUDs kind of paid off.

So anyways, the title of this post. As you know from the previous post, I hardly feel anything about those two girls anymore. Here is my take on it. For me, the notion of love is difficult. Love is closely linked with trust. However, given my personality, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt first. So how exactly do I find out if I like a person, or do I love a person? To me, who have rarely been able to confirm whether I feel one or the other, have developed a test to see if I like or love a girl.

It could be because of an infatuation that I'm attracted to a girl rather than actually caring for her for who she is. I may be building a fantasy in my mind and rather than actually looking at the real person behind the mask I have put on her, I am instead looking at her shadow or my interpretation of her rather than the real thing. So in order to test out if I really like a girl or am just infatuated with her, I check my feelings and go if I even think about her in a given day and if so, how many times. If that number is low, I bet it is just an example of infatuation.

Trying out that test, I realize that I have never truly liked a girl romantically in those criteria. Most of the time, I idolize a person and look at the image rather than the person. Heh, during a conversation (well msn anyways) she pointed this out to me. It was because I asked her to introduce me to some of her friends and somehow the converstaion degenerated into a point of why I would only want to meet hte pretty ones. She did verbally twist the words, but the intent was there. This is not true though. I really want to get to meet more people and their various viewpoints. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt if they were pretty as well.

But you know what, these infatuations could just mean one thing: that I'm actually not in love with any person, but I'm in love with the idea of love. Heh, I guess I'm too much of a romantic at heart. This reminds me of a small story. Once, with a bunch of my engineering friends, we went out to eat and eventually settled down in a gelato store. While eating ice cream, the talk diverged from normal classroom stuff and went into a lament about the lack of girls in engineering. However, it must be noted that this discussion group had 3 girls and 7 guys in it. Eventually, we asked the girls about what each of our best traits were. For some, it was their cooking skills and for others, they said that he had no hope. When they turned to me, they said that I have "feelings". Haha. That is apparently my best trait. And they know this only because of the sappy music I listen to. But I can't help it, the slow ballads have just such interesting melodies that instill a sharp sense of nostalgia.

I'm falling asleep as I type this anyways. I wonder how good being in love with love is. Well, don't worry, I think that maybe my feelings will help me attract a gril and for once, I might actually like her in return.

Or maybe not, we shall see in the future. For nobody knows what the future holds, although we can pretty much guess.

Sweet dreams my dear Valkyrie.