Let us write

Words are the symbols that allow communication and from that our thoughts and imaginations spread large distances. For ideas are more than the sum of their parts and less than reality. Skip the parts that seem boring to you and read the ones that sound interesting. It's a long ramble of sorts. Be prepared. And knowing is half the battle.
=========Time--------------------
It's five o'clock in the morning and I have not yet slept. My mental state probably is not in the best shape, but my rough draft of my work term report is done. Besides the references, it is completed. Spent most of the week at work on the main body. Spent today on the polish and diagrams. It is almost finished. Now I just need to proof read it.
-----------------Effort==========
I just realized that without games, I am semi-productive. Without communication, I am even more, but at the cost of my mental state. I desperate need communication with other people. It is as they say, no man is an island. But I do recognize that I am productive. Without games, and distractions, I probably have a chance at suceeding at what I plan next term. Especially with the fourth year design project, it will not be easy.
=======Nostalgia-----------------
With no other distractions, all I have are old manga that I haven't seen for quite some time. And with it, a sense of nostalgia. I guess one of the reasons that people like nostalgia so much is because it was in the past.There is no uncertainty in it; hindisight is 20-20. But for me, nostalgia takes another place in my heart, because it represents the limitless possibility of what it could have been.
--------------Imagination=======
For some people that may be the saddest words of all, but to me, it is a neutral phrase, filled with the possibilities of my imagination. I do have a more active imagination then most. For me, the barriers between dreams and reality is thinner than most, although I'd more likely want to have the whole in reality rather than in my dreams. But sometimes, there might not be another way to achieve what I want.
=========Elitism----------------
My friend and I had a discussion the other day. He commented that he and I were different, because we aspire to be something more than human. We say human as if it was a dirty word, like how we use subhuman. It is kind of true that we are elitist. We view most of society and the general populace with disdain and pity for stupidity. That's because in our minds, we could have done a lot better. But you know what? This view may never be proven. It may be just how we view ourselves in order to make ourselves feel special. I don't know. Perhaps its true. For him, this is easy, because he has no interest in relationships of any kind. At least not now. Who knows in the future?
-------------Relationships=======
For me, I must say I am ...desperate. Not for a relationship, but for THE relationship. It is I guess, an extension of my elitism. And I won't hesitate to admit it, under normal circumstances (without video games or distractions, like I was in junior high) I will do ANYTHING in my power to empower myself. And that was partly because I hate having to work under orders unless I can learn something. I have made a pact with myself though. I will NEVER change myself unless it is a decision I make. Gratz to those that can manipulate me in this fashion. There are few enough as it is that can do so. It could also be because of the fact that I'm lonely. This probably isn't surprising, in this anonymous global village. Sometimes I wonder if I don't even see the girl at the end as a person, but as an object as part of the relationship. But even then, I'd probably treat her as a princess. I don't know. ALL I know is that I would always strive to never make her cry. But is that good? That could also explain why I fear rejection and failure: because it would mean I failed in achieving the goal. Now that's just bad form. I have no clue. But if that's the case, then all previous history can be declared null and void and I must admit, I have never met a person that have moved me.
==========Signs-------------------
That, I guess, would be wrong then. There have been two girls that have held my interest, three if you count appreciation of esoteric beauty. I know now number 1 was an infatuation. I knew then number 2 was definately just an appreication of beauty. But number 3? Even if it may just be an infatuation, I feel that I want to spend more time with her. Too bad I seem to be having no luck with it. Ugh. I wish that I was able to read minds. Sometimes I wonder if I just don't have what it takes in the looks department. Heh, and to think I willingly destroy my own body by having a bad sleeping schedules and not treating my body correctly. Maybe I should slap some sense into my younger self. As for trying, I don't know how to proceed. Heh, my sister says that asking her straight out would probably scare her. Probably. Too bad I already did it. As for lack of mutual friends, or close enough friends on her side, I have been told by some of my friends (and my sister) that I have no chance. But I don't know, I think I'll keep trying, even though its hard just to get into contact with her.I wish there was just some kind of sign though. Maybe I did and I screwed it up already. And I'm usually so good with pressure. Maybe that's only for academics. Ha. This would probably be creepy if I heard it from someone else. But I guess it sounds less bad considering its me, who's been concerned with the problem of time for so long. Maybe I setrive to become normal. I know I probably will probably never really be mainstream. I'm a romantic cynic or a realistic idealist. I never watch sports, and only play games. I shun television unless I have control of the shows I watch. I read books only when I like the content which usually involves a relationship of some sort. I dislike mainstream music and I like ballads, but only specific ones that link me to some scene or imagery in my mind. In the words of Randal, "I hate people, but I like gatherings". I don't know what I am.
-------------------Advice===========
Some girls have said that looks don't matter. I doubt that. That they want someone to just make them laugh. Sorry, but seriously, take a look around you and tell me that its true. Some say that its people they admire. Okay, being good at engineering is not something to be admired as it is respect, and respect can only go so far. Some have suggested doing stuff that you enjoy to do and love will find you. Other says you have to chase the girl in order to make her fall in love with you. There's as many different types of advice as there are different types of girls in the world. I guess advice can be only taken so far. This is not an AI after all. Just as I enjoy games with real human interaction, I doubt I can look at love as a series of controlled response. I doubt anybody can be that easily described anyways.
======Direction of Life--------------
I feel like I've reached a crossroads. That there are two distinct paths to take. In one, I can continue to form my opinions from behind the door in my little world. Safe with little games that litter abundant amongst the highways of data. On the other is the real world, faced with perilious dangers and the nameless nemesis. People are so alien there in the world. As anonymous as they are in the world, I think that this is probably why religion has had a surge in the years after the Internet. But one cannot live behind the door forever. However, to take that step will require too much work and culture shock that I can not handle. Instead, I take the third choice, which is to open the door and greet any that comes through. It is an easy compromise. This passivity might cause me harm though. Sigh.
-----------------Destiny==========
Do you believe in destiny? I've heard girls like to hear that. Or better yet, show that you believe in destiny. It certainly fuels the romantic fires. As for me? I probably believe it more than most. You wonder why? Perhaps its that I always have luck with the little things. The goddess of convenience helps me. But I have no luck with the big things. Maybe its because I used it already? Who knows. I do believe in a balance though. Maybe i just have to work towards that balance before I take another withdrawal at the bank of luck. I certainly need the luck it seems. Back to the question: Do I believe in destiny? Certainly, I've always believe that we're all meant to do something, whether caused by ill fate or manifest destiny. And love? Love is destiny incarnate. Unless the circumstances are just right, it'll never work. Of course, I also believe the more opportunities there are, the more likely luck can help you. All a matter of statistics my friend. And besides, you don't have dreams like mine unless you believe in destiny.
=========Dreams------------------
My most recent dream involved a battle. I have no clue on why, except that it involved martial arts. There would be more details, but I am reporting this almost 16 hours after I had woken up from the dream. All I can remember is that we were fighting in an old house. The sigil was there to guard something. The sigil is a green piece of squarish circular jade around the size of a toonie. On it, there was the runes that looked like a chinese signature stamp. For some reason, Jon Chan had this stamp. He was not evil in the sense of an the antagonist of the dream, but rather neutral as it was a test. There were urns too, but I forget why. For some reason there was at one time a fire alarm and we were forced out of the mansion which was made entirely out of glass.

If these dreams are any indication, I'm crazy. Or imaginative. Or both.