So bored that I'm watching TV

I'm so bored that I'm watching TV shows. Numb3rs I always have time for, but some more series are seeping in. Like Heroes. The premise of it is excellent. X-men meets common sense in a way. X-men was too fantastical in my opinion, but heroes makes them a part of our world. Or as much as possible.

I'm thinking that I have the soul of a poet, the mind of an inquisitor, the abilities of an engineer, and not enough will to do any of it. Nothing seems to 'captivate' me. Maybe sometime in the future, I'll be able to find out what it is I truly like. For now, I guess I'm semi-content to be a leaf in the wind. But I can't make this last. For a man without ambition is a man without dreams. And I can hardly have that.

Glad to see people enjoy reading this blog.
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If you guys haven't seen Matt Dancing then I really suggest you do. This was also awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kiwi!

Spandau Ballet's "True" is probably one of the famous songs of the 80s it seems. It's been used as samples in other songs as well. "Set Adrift in Memory Bliss" by PM Dawn is probably the more famous one. Search these up in youtube. You won't be disappointed. I love that name btw. I always like any phrase with the word Memory, Bliss and anything else regarding Eternity. I wonder why I'm so drawn to those words.
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Anyways, one of my friends asked me how I coped with worrying. So I might as write it as the focus of this last segment.

Do I worry? Constantly. About life. About the future. About what I'm doing. My biggest fear is whether the choices I make are correct or not. I'm a commit-o-phobe. I mean, how do you know that the decision you make is correct? Should I go to grad school? Statistically speaking, you meet your spouse most commonly in university, followed closely by the statistic of meeting your spouse at work or work related functions. Now, should I go to grad school? Work? Lounge around? Travel the world? (The last seems difficult as I'm poor and probably can't afford it).

The simple answer is this. You can never be sure, unless you have omniscience. Unfortunately, not many do. So all we can do is go on. Worrying is good, to a point. Because worrying can cause you to do things in a sensible way, but too much worrying, as with thinking, would cause make a coward of us all. All we can do is hope to make the best choices we can at the time.

The result of this is regret. Something I guess I face everyday. That's one reason why I play so many games. It's like a opiate designed to short memory. I guess I regret it now, but I guess I'll just have to live with it. I just wish sometime in the near future, this regret can soften with time and turn to nostalgia. That's a feeling I can live with. A sense of bittersweet happiness of what could have been, yet the pleasant present rather than the uncertain past. Regret can only get you so far.

I guess in a way, my disappointments and plans to choose the right path always involved the fact I believe there's a destiny for people. Or a weird if you like the other interpretation. It's up to you to take up the mantle though. But how do you know its the right choice? That's impossible to know. As well, I think I've been fed way too many stories of true love that while I wish true love was real and possible, a cynical part of me contradicts this. All I can do is hope that I am facing the right way and when the time comes to shine, I will have the knowledge and courage to face it. All we can do is wait for that defining moment and face our weird. Until then, its hard to worry about a lot of things. Especially when there are so many distractions in the world.

Well, that was kind of stream-of-consciousness writing. That really had no point to it. The bare facts is that while some worrying is necessary, it is counterproductive past a certain point. Worry all you want, but it won't change matters unless you force it to change. I guess I'm just following my own advice here.

Just don't be like Hamlet. Think to a point. Stop. And Complete.
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Yes, and I had another weird dream.

This one involved a lot of things. I can't remember the start. But a bunch of us, old friends all, went to this apartment. It reminded me of a HK style apartment. One set of windows was not barred while the rest had little cages for resting stuff in...I guess even people. For some reason, some of us decided to go and try the ledges. Now, the one without bars was the largest window and it was open. The girls were already on the cages. It looked sturdy.

One of the guys, a heavyset guy goes to close the window. We happily told him to be cautious in a playful voice, but somehow, he really did end up falling. We were quite shocked. We didn't know what happened, since it looked like he was pushed, but no one was near him.

There's a second part to it, which involves a stepladder, the top of a building, vampire/monsters and me cowering in fear, even with a crossbow. But I was also watching all of this with a detachment as if I wasn't the person cowering in fear, but rather, the narrator. Weird.
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Well, till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.