Growing up.

I must admit that to myself, it seems I have become desperate. I'm doing more things for the 'social' part of my life more than ever. I've committed to working out. Trying to learn about cooking. I'm going shopping for clothes (only rarely, but its a step towards another direction). Wanting to go out rather than staying at home playing video games. Video games are losing its appeal and the appeal of stories seem to dominate. My interest in video games have seem to wane.

However, so have many other interest seem to wane. Does this mean I'm 'finally' growing up? Perhaps. I think it could be that I've finally realized that in order for the world I want to live in to occur, I'll have to make it myself. Right now, I don't know what I want yet, so I have to keep my options open.

According to game theory (that book is pretty good to read. It's interesting and it helps analysis of psychological behavior), when you lack options, you actually have more power. So maybe I shouldn't open my options too much. But I like to be prepared for anything.

I don't know what my life holds in the next four months. I doubt I can cram as many things as I want into it, but I think I'll try my best. Too bad I learn too many of my life lessons too late and I grow up damn late compare to other people. Heh, I'm finally hitting university age as I leave university. Sometimes my sense of preservations annoys me. After all, being always on the safe side isn't the best way through life. Without risk, there are no great rewards.

You know what though, I think that one of the ways to map out life interests can be shown as a technology map like in the Civilization 4. There are technological trees in different directions and sometimes you can take 'techs' even without being of that tree before hand. Sometimes you just skip a tech because it poses no interest or value to you. I think I took the 'technological enhancement' tree (nerd tree) as opposed to the 'atheletic enhancement' (jock) or 'socialogical enhancement' tree (socialite). There are some common stuff like cooking that I'm going to take. But there are some, like clubbing, that I've put research points into and then skipped because it took too long to research (or enjoy). I think right now I will have enough support techs so that the (search or) research into the 'relationship' tech will not take as long. Boy, is this paragraph geeky! Oh well, it's been well established that I don't think like other people much and I like thinking in different frameworks. Apparently, according to game theory, sometimes it is much more advantageous to be insane than to be sane. To take risks that are not 'worth' it. I think that being imaginative is definately a good thing.

Now if I can apply the same work ethic as writing this 'blog' to my writing of my report...

I also had a weird dream before Edwin woke me up this morning. I forgot to write it down. It was weird in that the plot was semiweird, but there was a new concept in it. Uplifting. It was like ... converting yourself into ghostform and going into some other person. It was a joining of minds, but not really. It was much more... intimate than that. Anyways, it was definately interesting, a bit weird and I wish I could understand it better. Although understanding something in dreams is not usually 'worthwhile' it sometimes opens the mind to new possibilities and new frontiers.

Oh well. A good night to all and to all a good night. Till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.