To quote something would mean that it would have to be in the past

Something I wrote in August of this year.

Anyways, reading over some chats I've had with people and I realize that nothing has ever gone quite as I had expected, or even hoped for. Some time ago, I had discussed with another person whether I was really unhappy or just unsatisfied with life. It is hard to say. To be unsatisfied would require a condition that is lacking in my life. Now that is simply not true. I have friends, family, material goods, spirtual wealth (morality in my definition, not faith). The only thing I'm lacking is the "other half". But you know what? Why do we desperately seek something like a partner to share life experiences with? Is life that lonely that we must share our joys and burdens with someone else in order to have significance?

Perhaps. But perhaps that is why sometimes I wonder if I'll only get recognition if I go and commit a heinous crime. Infamous is almost as good as famous. After all, it is only through the reaction of other people that you know you exist. The bigger the reaction, the greater the significance. However, this is wrong and should not be considered at all.

So all that remains is the act of getting a significant other - life partner. Yet, when I look at the trouble of actually going to get one and the cost of maintaining that relationship, I feel that it may be too heavy a price to pay. At least, the way that one of my friend is going about it. Sometimes I feel that his approach is a bit too unrealistic. The entire point of approaching the girl as a goddess to be pleased rather than treated as a human. I fear that he will be taken for granted as I've seen some relationship developed. However, it is not in my place to say, as I have no experience. Only as an observor...and an observor by defintion, does not communicate.

Me? Should I actively persue, or should I be like a viper and strike only at opportune moments. I fear I lack the patience required. Heh...perhaps it is true that it's a shame that girls don't confess to guys. The modern man (or geek anyways) are fearless except when it comes to problems at home. Too bad.

I did have a dream in which it encourage me to ask out girls. After all, how many people nowadays have the courage to randomly go up to a girl and ask them out. It's like diving into a shark pool with meat strapped on top of your back. But then again, they're doing the same thing. While I may not have much experience (or even opportunity) to ask out girls, how many invitations have the girls endured? How many have accepted? How many have even been propositioned this way if all guys were 'scared' like me. It would have to be a few. A small number. Therefore, maybe there is hope for me after all. =)

Hmm. Too bad I don't learn well from pure philosphy. I still don't think I've moved forward. I did have a fun time WoWing and pretty much just relax for the whole term. No worries. That's something rare in this life of ours. Of course, my problem now has come back anew. Except this time I hope to do something about it.

And yes, if you had read the blockquote above, it was because it was in my old blog www.xanga.com/riellanart. Most of it represents my thoughts before, and is nowhere as detailed as this blog. I do write ridiculously long posts don't I. I guess my mind just wanders. Hopefully it'll have a home to stay.

Oh. And the reason I play video games? I guess it's because it is only during that time I can momentarily forget to think at all. Apparently, that's a good thing. Probably. Otherwise I'd probably worry too much. I think I already am.

The post below is much more interesting in my opinion. Read that.