Grumpy

Apparently, if I am expressionless, people just assume I'm grumpy. If I am expressionless, it usually means that I'm not thinking about anything important. Besides, I'm not grumpy. I'm whiny.

Anyways, along with the no goal in life and not growing bit, I think I know what I have a problem with. Our lives are too easy. For us, the supposedly blessed people (the middle class and up), we really have no reason to fear for our living. Our needs are easily met, if not by us, then by the government. Food, water, shelter, safety. It is only our wants that guide us. And I'm getting tired of that.

Today, we went to Caeser's. For me, I really don't see the point. I don't like the dancing. It's too loud to talk. It's not my kind of place to have fun. For me, fun would be some kind of competative sport or something. For others, a lounge like this may seem attractive. After all, it is a place to get drunk (stop thinking), dancing (stop inhibitions), and loud music (stop thinking). The dance floor especially, reminds me of a tribal dance, where mob mentality rules. For me, none of this was attractive. For others, it is extremely attractive. For girls, it is a place to let loose, where for most guys, it is a place to get close to the loose girls.

In the line, Ray, Lan's friend who I think I have met some time before but have forgotten him, asked a question that was interesting. We were talking about how girls would fool around with each other to keep distracted while waiting in line. Ray asked Darren and I if we had any funny stories or something. I couldn't think of one at all that didn't really make me look bad, nor were they really funny either. Darren thinks that's because of our lack of social experience. I personally think its because of the people we hang out with. Most of my friends are usually not very adventurous, which is kind of like me and unlike me at the same time.

I think I would love to be an explorer, except I wouldn't like some aspects of it, such as the extreme danger of death. Other than that, I would love the challenge, the discovery of new knowledge, the application of knowledge. And there would be a purpose to it, because your purpose would be to survive. Our purpose is not to survive in this world. I have no clue what it is, but if your goal is just to survive, it would be an easy goal indeed. For most people.

But I guess we seek what we do not have. Just like that fact that I wanted a girlfriend. It's like I want one mainly because I didn't have one (I think I figured this out like a month ago). Now that I figured that out, I don't think I'll want a girlfriend just because I want one, it would be because I really like her for herself. Heh. She'll have to have the ability to make me want to be at a club/lounge just because she is there. So far, no one I know fits that description.

Another thing, I think I'm trying too hard on trying to know a little bit in each category. Could be because I have to look competent in everything I do. At least to people that I know, which is why I do not connect with certain people. If they align/belong to a group with something I'm not comfortable with or incompetent with (like clubbing, a lot of popular culture, watching sports), I am usually not that comfortable with them. I guess this should change, but I think that's just who I am.

There were more thoughts, but I forgot most of them. So now I'll end this for now. Until we meet again, my Valkyrie.