Sunday, July 20, 2008

Wasting time is a drug.

Just sitting around. Doing nothing. While vital for some relaxation and allowing thoughts to sink in, most of us tend to overdo it. My weekends tend to be unusually sparse. One of the primary reason is because I keep just oversleeping and then, my afternoon and the rest of the day is unusually short.

I've been putting a lot of stuff on hold. It's because I'm in abeyance. Or purgatory. Or limbo. I'm stuck in between the state of doing something and starting. But at the same time, I'm afraid.

I'm of two minds about most things. I over-analyze stuff and I can see both sides of the equation. Cliche as that sounds, I do see other people's viewpoints. I am also overly sensitive to things too.

My primary concern about doing things right now is that I have a lot of options. I keep trying to increase these options so I can pick the most optimum one. At the same time, I kind of wish I didn't have any and that my entire life is semi-planned out. That way, at least I can know what I have to look forward to. This uncertainty is killing me.

I'm afraid of failure. Maybe I do need to fail sometimes in order to progress forward. This wasting time isn't helping me any.

I haven't done any of the goals I set half an year ago. My time just seem to fly away as I deal with the mediocrity of everyday life. I do need to do something. And soon. Back when my passion used to be mathematics, I did excellent things. Not outstanding, but at least excellent. Now, it's like I'm just another one of the washed out crowds.

Whine whine whine. Seriously, I've got to stop this. Ugh. at the same time, this is theurpeutic.

I think I'm a lot like Harvey Dent in a way. =/ Of course, a less confident one, but a more intelligent one.

For those that haven't seen it yet, Dr Horrible's Singalong blog is still up. It's a Joss Wheldon production and everyone should see it before it gets taken down. I'm not a huge fan of Joss Wheldon, but his tight storylines does make the ride go a lot better.