Tuesday, February 28, 2006

As I sit here at 7:31am...

Lab today. Reason why I'm up so early. Usually, I'd probably still be in bed.

Mmm... Cod in butter sauce served with a corn side and chinese tea (Thanks Ammon!). A good breakfast never hurts.

So I slept 11 hours yesterday. From 5am on monday morning till 4pm on monday afternoon. I have no idea why I slept so much, but even after waking up, I kind of felt tired.

A friend of mine (barely...) recently told me that my blog sucks. That I write posts that are too long and dry. And that my post on Bomber sucks. And that drinking sucks. So why do I write these posts? And why a matter of public record?

It is my form of catharsis. It allows me to open up and write down my feelings (yes, guys have feelings. Repressed, but I assure you they're there). It allow me to unburden my soul (if I have one, if it even exists at all). It allows me to remember events in the future (if only my memory was better). It allows me to put aside these thoughts and do something productive. As well, the act of writing it allows it to be less ambigious as well as given it a concrete form to which I can plainly see the problems with the direction of thinking.

Upon writing it down, it is an act of creation. Here's a hokey part of superstition. I believe that life is a matter of checks and balances, and that in order for life to be easily glided through, a person must balance him or herself in the sense that every action has a equal and opposite reaction. An act of destruction/consumption, such as computer gaming (where you destroy other things), watching TV, reading, or anything else that consumes works produced by others, must, or at least should be, balanced with an act of creation by the person, whether it is the creation of memory, writing, new works, etc etc. And thus for me, this blog helps in more than one way.

Why a matter of public record? Why on blogger? One of the reasons is that it is easy to use, and the interface is superior to those found on xanga or livejournal. There are some options that I like about xanga, but on the whole, I like blogger more, which is why I switched. My old blog can be found here. So the whole public record thing...

The reason it is on public record is again two fold. The first is that it allows me to point other people to. For example, the whole Bomber post outlines exactly the event as it happens so I do not have to repeat myself time after time for an event that has happened. I do like the sound of my own voice (as does most people), but not when its raspy and hoarse from talking too much (it hurts). The second is that because it is in the public domain, I can't 'hide' behind anything anymore and forces me to confront problems head on as it is.

Well. Lab time. Time to go. Later folks.

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Apparently, clarification is in order. What I meant was that inhibitions were lowered by drinking, but not unconsciously. That it is not so much as a switch that inhibitions will turn off, but rather you'd give up the battle to keep your inhibitions there.

Just got my computer rehooked up with a new hard drive. The old one has a serious problem in 10 gigabytes of its storage. I might just leave it there, but first I'd have to make sure the important stuff stay with me. Too bad a lot of it is already gone =/.

Academically, I'm still doing decently. Nowhere near the top but not enough to get me kicked out. I supposed if I tried, I'd do much better. But my problem has always been motivation. Which is exactly what Allen pointed out. He says I don't try. And then Christie pointed out how I'm wishy-washy and indecisive. I hesitate not to sit on the fence. She is really quite insightful, although her method of insightfulness could use a little work (encouragement towards suicide should not be used frequently as a method of enlightenment!).

On one hand, I could say that I sit on the fence in order to see clearly and objectively. On the other hand, you could say that I sit in the middle to avoid offending anyone. I don't know. It could be a habit that I do it unconsciously because I learned back then that the easiest way through life is not to offend anyone and not to tackle on challenges that are impossible.

Well, why am I so apathetic? Is it because I really have no real worries or troubles? I have no goal in life either. I have no cause to dedicate myself to. There are things that interests me, but those are usually passing fancies. I get interested in things easily, but I do not keep interest well. After the initial interest wanes, unless there's something that really grabs me, I give it up. Or if there's nothing that grabs me, at least it's something I do everyday.

For example, I used to be really interested in astronomy, but there is a limit to how much knowledge you can acquire unless you work at astronomy for life. As for stuff like games, there's also only so much you can do with them. Stuff like WoW may seem interesting for a while, but after a bit, you have to realize there's not much you can do with the knowledge you acquire. As for other interests, they usually depend on situations on whether it is useful or not.

I don't know what I'm interested in. Electrical engineering is interesting, until you realize you can't do anything by yourself that's cool. Circuits like boards and stuff require long work hours and dedication of your whole life to learning circuits. You also need a team of speicalists to build the rest of the board. I have no artistic talent, just lots of ideas for books and stuff. I could become a writer, but then I sometimes just can't write and writing novels is a pasttime, not something you can live on unless you're a famous one, especially in scifi. As you can see right now, my writing is like Dickens....its long winded.

Bah...it's depressing isn't it. I'm complaining about a charmed life where I don't have to worry about much. But doesn't everyone go through phases to find out what they're here for. I just can't seem to find it. Or I do, but then lack interest in it. This kind of makes me feel like a commit-phobe doesn't it? These shortcomings are easy to see if I take time and note them, but I forget about them as soon as I get distracted.

Damn it. Curse my short memory. In short, I have no idea what to do with my life. One friend tells me that we're still young. But at 21, isn't it time you found a path, or at least a direction, to turn your life towards? I enjoy consuming stories, but what can I do to "produce"? Ugh...this question has no forseeable answers in the near future.

Happy Birthday Edmund. Sorry I couldn't attend. =/

Well...it would end there, but I forgot that I didn't really explain what happened at Bomber the other night.

What happened at the Bomber

So basically, Allen and I were bored out of our minds. Our midterms were over and we didn't want to sit there and do nothing like we usually do. So he suggested that we should go out drinking. Lan actually wanted to come, but after the exam, she was nowhere to be seen. So after the exam that night, we actually did nothing. The next day, we all woke up late to catch up sleep that we missed from craming the whole week from cramming for the midterms. I woke up at 3pm. Anyways, time passed and it was around 9pm. We had dinner already, it was just a matter of what we were going to do for the rest of the night.

At 9, I came up with the great idea of going to Bomber since it was wednesday. I grabbed my coat and left to Allen's place. Ammon and Allen were actually in the Lounge. I told them the idea, and they were iffy. They suggested calling up Vicky, which I did. I was kind of surprised because I thought she would have went home to Toronto as soon as she could (which she usually does). Turns out she had a FYDP meeting the next day and had to stay. So we got her to convince Allen and Ammon to come. We went back to Allen's place and convinced everyone to go: Darrick and Catherine, Darren and Catherine's sister (which I still do not remember the name of. Ish. I have a bad memory okay). Initially we thought that she could still get in but not drink (as she was underage). Darrick, Catherine and Catherine's sister was still eating at that time, so we left first.

At this time, we were uncertain about whether Bomber was open or not, because it was reading week. Took the chance and walked there. So our party consisted of Darren, Ammon, Allen, Vicky and I/me (my grammar sucks. Help me out here). We left Allen's place around 10 and got there around 10:30. Turned out there was a surprise concert there. We got in, even though we had a little trouble with the IDs (Allen's license was expired). We got in, and I got the first pitcher. We sat near the band and they weren't bad. Not my usual taste of music, but their rhythm was decent, even though it was very very loud (as is with most concerts). I then realized that Catherine's sister could not come in because of the ID (or lack therof). So we tried calling them, but it was of no use; they already left. So we decided just to chill and drink a bit. Vicky, being allergic to alcohol, had cranberry juice. The rest of us drank beer. Darren was suckered into getting a shot of Tequila while Ammon went off to get a nacho platter.

After they were gone, I walked around to look around and the atmosphere was indeed different then what I was used to. There was someone from our class, but I don't remember her name, mainly because I never talk to her. I believe her name is Sara, but meh. Anyways, I did talk to Francis, because he was there since it was Bomber Wednesday. He apparently never missed one the entire term except last week during midterms. I then went back to our table where the drinking recommenced. I was dared into chugging cups, which other people also tried to do. I did finish the only chug, which is quite sad, because we're supposed to be engineers. They also said I couldn't finish a pitcher, which was around 6 cups. Allen at this time, got the second pitcher and a bottle of Corona for himself. The nacho platter also arrived and it was consumed in ernest. Darren went out to check for Darrick and Catherine, but missed them at the Cove, where he accurately guessed they were, except he was a bit too late.

Around 5 minutes later (around half a pitcher), Yan arrived, apparently called here by Darrick. He also started when the 2nd pitcher was half empty. Liang and Lawrence came and they joined us in intoxicating ourselves. They already had beers, but we gave them cups and invited them into our pitchers. They came around 11:15, where the 3rd pitcher arrived courtesy of Vicky. So we just kept drinking, and taking stupid pictures, and pretty much had fun doing nonsensical things. It was around my 8th one or so that I began to lose motor control (which did prove I could drink a pitcher). Allen at this time was already kind of out of it. Yan was totally red. Darren was semi-decent, but he had a 12 page report that was due next day at noon. I knew what I was doing, but I was kind of wobbly (every fifth step I may have slanted a bit).

When we left, it was approximately 12 oclock and Liang and Lawrence stayed. Ammon and I were holding on to Allen while Vicky and Darren was holding on to Yan. We got Yan home safely to MKV (which was around 2km away) and rested there a bit (10 minutes). Vicky gave Allen and I a drink of water, and Darren and Sangwoo helped Yan to bed (Sangwoo is Yan's suitemate). I had lost some motor control but I could at least walk in a semi-straight line. Allen, however, was held up by us. While walking home, we did stupid stuff like talking about nonsensical things, especially Allen, given his state. Ammon had called his parents, who picked him up at the SLC as we were walking home from MKV. Good thing he wasn't too drunk. He offered us a ride home, but it wasn't that far, just around a 1km walk. So we just walked home while he got shipped home by his parents.

While Darren, Vicky, Allen and I were walking home, we started to talk about stupid stuff again, like who we're interested in and what we should do, etc. This was a 10 minute walk, so it wasn't long, but it was interesting what you say when you're drunk. After getting Allen home, Darren went straight to work and Allen was helped by Darrick and Catherine. A shame that they weren't there, but they probably would have been responsible (although last time, Darrick was the drunkest). Vicky and I went home afterwards.

After I got home though, I think I sat down too fast and became very nasceous. I felt the urge to puke and went straight to the bathroom. Good thing too, most of it landed in the toilet. I cleaned up the rest. I had it good though. Apprently Yan somehow puked in his sleep and now half his bed and room smelled of half-digested nachos and beer. Its all cleaned up now though, so its all good (shocking people with good descriptions is fun). S The next day, I woke up too early, still had a headache, and went back to sleep until 3pm. It was fun though. However, something that Lan said kind of stuck up in my mind, which was that people went to these things to meet new people. I don't know though, going with friends is still fun. Will we do this again? Most definately. Now, if we actually did our work on time and ahead of schedule...

Anyways, it is time for me to sleep. I spent an hour writing this, amidst eating and drink. A good night to all, and to all a good night.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Celebrating happiness or drowning sorrows with alcohol? I think neither

Wow, anyways, all's well that end's well. I did puke, but all of it in the washroom. This was after I got home and sat down too quickly. As for my friends, some of them weren't so lucky. One of them almost puked in his sleep, which means his room now smells like nachos and beer. I guess that may be the last time he overindulges.

So what truly happens when you drink alcohol? For me its sort of like having your thinking processes slow down. And unlike what most people say, it does not lower inhibitions. It just makes thinking kind of like a slippery slope. It becomes more and more difficult until you just give up and let your impulses decide what to do. It's interesting, but I'm not sure if I would want to be intoxicated all the time.

It was still fun. I guess it wouldn't be bad to make it a regular event.

We'll see what the future brings.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


I think this is the first time I've been drunk. I feel slightly nasceous after my tenth beer at the bomber. I guess I spilled quite a many secret about myself, but so did everyone else. I kind of feel nascueous and I guess I should sleep now. Good thing my comp is formatted now.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Squid and Bamboo shoots in a ginger and onion sauce

Hmm...calling it a sauce may be going a bit too far. But the squid and bamboo shoots, lightly roasted in a ginger and onion sauce tasted awesome. However, given how I cooked it, it may be a bit undercooked, but at least it wasn't cooked till it reminded me of rubber. Instead, it tasted pretty damn good if I say so myself, but I just like squid.

Cut squid. Salt squid. Heat pan with oil to highest level. Cook onion + ginger in oil till you can smell a bit of it. Then throw in the squid and bamboo shoots. Didn't realize how good the results would be... wee! Something delicious is coming this way.

More delicious stuff coming this way soon. Mmm.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Back Online....but still stuck at the library

Let see....ETA to exam = 1 hour. And yet, I'm blogging. I guess it's because there's nothing left to do really. As ready as a person can be for a certain exam. I'm more concerned about the one tomorrow because I haven't started that course at all.

Nothing new in the material world. Lots of things still unknown. I did however, take a more cursory look into religions. I was searching on wikipedia about Buddhism. Soon I'll read the others.

As for the dream world, I must admit that yesterday's dream would be boring to most people. Let see, what happens...

First off, somehow our world and the dream world is not really connected. There are very many similarities, but there is a world corporation (I will refer to it as WorCorp because I don't remember the real name). Now, my father is an architect for this corporation and I have not seen him for a long time because of his work. I decided to go on a huge trip to track him down with my sister and 2 other people (which I think were my other 2 siblings). The interesting thing is that he kinda designs lairs. They look like model homes in the interior, but can be located anywhere such as caves, in natural landscapes, etc. The way to find him would be to find the most developed one because he is trying to build the perfect interior. However, by journeying to different sites, I find that each of them have some sort of flaw, such as the floor resonates with vibrations and causes huge disruptions in the floor.

Meanwhile, searching midway through the dream, I meet up with a girl. She was white, with strangely familiar features. Because she looked familiar to me, I kinda placed her. I asked if her name was "Sabrina Sebe", because that was the name of the girl I knew in high school. Apparently I was mistaken. She apparently had some chinese name (which is weird, considering it was a white girl...I'm not being racist. It is strange you have to admit). Her personality was kinda clingy and I was apparently her target. First off, I somehow, in the back of my head still remembered I loved someone else, but then I gradually became accustomed to her. I can't say I liked the new girl, but neither did I really dislike her.

Anyways, soon, I came upon a half-finished interior. I hid, along with the rest of my travelling companions and noticed that a man soon entered to design more of the interior. I realized that it was my dad and I just kept watching him build it. Somehow, I realized that the girl reminded me of someone else...but I couldn't place it. I also noticed I met her before, but I also lack the knowledge of exactly where. While I tried vainly to remember, her personality became more and more adorable to me somehow. Anyways, then I woke up.

Weird. Anyways. It is kind of weird that I can document so much of it 5 hours later, but then again, my memory is great for stuff that has no direct meaning to life. It's great for overanalyzing though. =p

Anyways, wish me luck for my exam in an hour. Bye!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Hard Drive Failure

Well, I haven't been posting for the past 2 days for 2 reasons. 1 reason being the fact that I'm swamped with work and trying to catch up for half the term in 2 days for 2 courses is not exactly easy. However, I might make it! 8 hours a day inthe library is always fun when there are people and resources next to you. Looks like I may need to buy a printer soon too.

2nd reason. My shuttle system developed bad clusters. Even worse, the 2 bad clusters of 12 kb landed directly on my registry file. No recovery. Therefore, I need to reformat. Sigh. Good thing I partitioned my drives. I may need another HD to save my critical data (mostly manga. Sad, but I read them so often). And my photos and other collections. Another $100 dollars spent on a HD. Sigh. Oh well, at least I didn't lose anything super important. 12kb in a 200 gb HD. That's like 12/200000000 chance out of the chance of actually getting bad clusters (which are almost non-existant in a good system). I'm just totally unlucky it seems. Hopefully it balances out, like how I believe every system is a system of balance. So hopefully I'm lucky in other things.

All this was done in a 10 minute break from my 10 hours in the library for this sunday. Oh well, I should do this more often. I would actually be ahead for once.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Snow Day!

Something interesting happned today!

Well, now that my homage to Lan's story is done...something did happen today! A snow day was called and my midterm was pushed back to March 2nd. But meh, it was an easy course and now the midterm is going to cover a lot more stuff, making it harder. This is probably not good.

Had an interesting discussion with Allen today. About what? Girls, of course. Well, actually, girls wasn't the main topic, but rather, the subject of the topic. The topic was, why is it so much harder to develop a relationship in university than high school. The reasons developed, in no particular order, are listed below:

1) Supply and Demand Curve (oversupply of males, overdemand of females--in Waterloo anyways)
2) Expectation of University guys by girls is higher (which I find kind of strange. I mean granted, we should have grown up, but how many people actually grow in a sheltered place like an university. You have to force people to work for a living in the real world before they usually grow up).
3) Expectation of University girls by guys is higher (which is pretty much guys can see how big the range is in female forms. This also goes for males, but males place more emphasis on form than females apparently. Hey, to me, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Don't shoot the messenger!)
3) Smaller exposure to people (in high school, it was pretty much the same groups of people for four years. In university, expand that by a thousand times).
4) Frequency of Meeting (in high school, you'd see them at least once, even if it is just at lunch time if you have different classes.
5) Multitasking of time (linked to 4. In high school, you were forced to go there for several hours each day. It was using time wisely if you use that time to further your relationship. In university though, you are not forced to do anything and instead, you have to make the choice to spend free time for someone else.)
6) Expectation of the relationship (in high school, a relationship usually is a time of experimentation. Not many people think where the relationship will go. In university though, the relationship is strained by expectations that it will go somewhere. Sometimes though, it goes nowhere).

I wonder if that's all. There may be more, but that's the extent of all I can think of.

Studying is always a pain. Facebook, webcomics, games, this blog = time sinks/distractions. How come there aren't that many people on facebook? I think its because not many people know about it.

Heh. I was reading over the stories on Imprint (Waterloo's student newspaper) and there was a section on "true love stories" in their Valentine's edition. What strikes me about these stories is that the primary mode of meeting in 2 of the 3 stories, the Internet was the initial meeting place (one was on facebook, the other one was in a MMORPG game, WoW I think), and that they were both submitted by girls. It kind of strikes me as strange, and the MMORPG one seem surreal and unbelievable. If I do take it at face value though, it kind of makes me think how our lives revolve more and more around the Internet. According to this study, 87% of the Canadian Post-Secondary education scene indulges in cyber sex. Now, this study is obviously biased(only 2684 students in a voluntary study. The type of people that answers these surveys probably have sex regularly). Of course, if I again take it at face value, it makes me wonder just how much is too much?

But then I read more blogs and realize just how dedicated to the Internet we've become. But meh, I gotta admit, it is a heck of a tool. Although, I do wonder though, if that many people indulges in cyber sex, when are the cyber sex toys going to come out. That 87% seem like a large market right there. Damn fourth year design project is making me look at everything as a business opportunity. Oh well...all I need now is something that can make 6 hours of sleep seem like 10. Or something to record my dreams. Night!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Exam Break

You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on!





























What is your Perfect Major?

Yup. What I did for the past 5 minutes instead of studying. And another thing...Yellow Fever. Go watch it. It's fun.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Screwed for Exams

Happy Valentine's Day.

On that note, it's kinda sad to be spending Valentine's Day studying for midterms that's in two days. But I guess that's the life that we have to live in order to do decently in our courses.

Makes you kind of wonder what exactly are we trying to achieve here.

I'll talk more later. But I'm sleepy. Night.

Monday, February 13, 2006

To Weird Dreams

People think that I'd blab about stuff on here that would affect them. Trust me when I say that I wouldn't put stuff on here unless you've given me express permission. All that's on this site is mine to tell, or I have been given permission.

Anyways, Somehow I got another dream in the 3 hour nap I got. This was weird, but it could also account for why I feel so tired today. Anyways, the world was similar to our own, except it seems like it is one large virtual reality. However, only the royalty could change it, but not to a large degree. They are given the ability to link places with domains (which are describe by Internet domain names it seems). I was the prince of the realm, and I somehow had a bunch of friends that weren't royalty. We were playing and since I wasn't allowed near commoners, I rose them to peerage in 15minutes in front of the whole court. My dad got mad and slapped me, saying that it was impudent of me to do so. Apparently, my mom, my brother and sister were in official functions across the realm and won't be back for several years. This was a result of some war of something. Anyways, during that night, I was unconsciously connecting the two sides of my bed to a domain that no longer existed. Which was weird because it then replaced the unknown domains with vast plains of water, like an ocean. My sheets got wet as it soaked up oceanwater. I changed it back consciously, but somehow it kept changing back. Then a middleage lady came into my room through the window saying that I have to leave the place because my ability was manifesting. And she was a grade A bus driver. A criminal as well, but a grade A bus driver that needed to leave that night. She took me and my newly noble friends along. Then I woke up. Oh, and I was Donald Duck in this dream, and the other people were other animals as well. But I didn't have a speech impedement.

Weird eh. Anyways, Going to go work till a bit later and then sleep some more.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Happy fiftieth post

Hmm...happy 50th!

I apparently had my phone's ringer turned off for the whole week. I'm sorry to the people I missed calls from.

Midterms are coming up. Am I prepared? Are you psychic? The answer is obviously no.

And yet, I still don't feel the crunch yet.

I sometimes wonder why I'm so apathetic about stuff like this. I guess it may be because I have yet to truly 'failed' in my life. After having so much experience in academic testing, it just doesn't feel that scary.

But for personal relationship stuff, I'm still very much inexperienced that I'd rather put it off. I get nervous over small stuff and nothing. Sometimes it makes me mad at myself. And yet, after a day, I'd forget about it. I guess it may be because of my trick memory that I have this affliction. My memory sucks for conventional stuff, but I'd remember strings of numbers for no reason. And it may last a while before I forget it. I wish I could just memorize pages though. It would make the exams so much easier.

Listening to my some songs I haven't listen to for a long time. Yuki Matsuura. Her songs are interesting in quality. They're mostly ballads. Most people probably would think it childish, yet some of them have melodies that are popish, yet aren't in any pop I've heard. It's interesting.

My friend Jason Yu just recently had a b-day. Happy birthday. You said on your own blog that "What's life? Why am I here? Should I do something before I turn 23? 24? Age, and hence time, scare me. We're so helpless: Tick. Tick. Tick..."

Well, life is a condition to which death is the only cure. You are here because you're not there. You should probably eat before you turn 23. Else you'll probably die of hunger. Ditto on the 24. Time should scare you. Like Darren posts as his BBS signature, "Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils."

Remember kids, its down the block, not across the street. Click here for more details. I think Something Postive's cynical humor fits right in with my own.

I guess I could whine more about helplessness and what not, but that gets boring and tiring after a while. Maybe I'll talk about more upbeat stuff next time. I don't want to cause too much controversy. My 49th post already caused people to respond. =)

Responding is good though. Have fun commenting. =)

Blogging or studying?

I'm so unmotivating. whine whine whine. Okay. That's now out of the way.

So yup. I guess I'm a fanboy of certain things (certain genre of anime, comedies, sci-fi, music, ballads, etc etc.) but sometimes I find that it is within those realms of possibilities that we can absorb extra experience through them. And that is why I love stories about personal growth and journey, even when other people don't like them. The Razor's Edge for example, or Great Expectations, or the Dempster series for books. Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (his or her circumstances), Kimagure Orange Road, and Love Hina for anime. Adachi's Works, such as H2 and Rought, and KKNJ (again) for manga. Two guys and a girl, Friends, and Scrubs for TV shows. 10 Things I hate about you, Garden State, Sixteen Candles, Van Wilder and The Breakfast Club for movies. For fantasy/sci-fi books, the early Harry Potter series (I don't discriminate just because its popular, but it really isn't THAT great), the Recluce series, the Wheel of Time. Makes me uncool. Probably. But I enjoy them. So STFU.

I'm apparently an angry kid. Maybe. Depressing? Maybe. Cynical and realistic? Definately. Idealistic romantic? Definately that too. Paradoxical? Perhaps. I don't know myself. Weird comes up a lot. But aren't we all a little weird? I mean, with the world as it is, I don't know the definition of normal myself. But what I can't be right now would be a happy, bright kid that thinks the world is a place of happiness. Not with knowledge.

Heh. I had a long debate about faith with Joe. We discussed whether I would be happier if I was actually religious. Probably, probably not. I probably wouldn't be able to follow any religion. Because all religions require faith. I have faith in humanity, whether that means humans ultimately have selfish motives, but I do not think I would lightly place blind faith on the supernatural. I'd agree with their ideals, but probably not be willing to follow a religion blindly. And you know what? I think blind faith is probably one of the most dangerous things around. Blind faith requires trust in the unknowable. It may cause people to accept ideas unquestioningly. As an example, let's take an example from the article on the Imprint. Vandalism has occured against GLOW (gays and lesbians of Waterloo). Their reason? Because the bible said that they are "a sin in God's eyes" (which was written as the vandalism message). Is there a reason why these people hate gays and lesbians? For most people, probably not. Some people may feel uncomfortable because they are homophobic. That's okay. No one's asking you to accept them unconditionally. If you're not comfortable with it, that's probably your right. But to hate them just based on faith may be going too far. Blind faith is too much to trust to humans. It can cause so many ideas to be accepted without going through a sanity check.

Now, I'm not saying that people that are in religions are blind sheep. I'm just saying that blind faith places too much power to some people and there will people that will ultimately follow some ideal because of faith without thinking about it twice. And people that won't be afraid to use blind faith to their advantage. Look at the overused example of the Holocaust and Hitler. Blind faith. Slaves are second class citizens. Blind faith. Organized religions are a way for blind faith to be leveraged. And that's what scares me the most. But I guess religions (the set of rituals for placating supernatural things according to Anthropology) help us feel less lonely. But I have to say I can't give blind faith to something that does not exist on this plane of existiance.

Granted, you have to have blind faith in some things. After all, it would really suck if you'd living in fear everyday of your life since our Justice system is not preventive, but reactive. Or the fact that you're driving a gasoline bomb that is hurdling you several tens of meters per second. Even if the explosion doesn't kill you, the kinetic energy might. But stuff like the supernatural? The fact that its supernatural is because it occurs away from this plane of existance. If it was meant to be on this plane, it would be natural.

Haha, probably with this post I'd never again be successful in life. People will brand me a godless heathen with no morals. I have morals. Very high standards too. But they were developed by myself and the principles were by me. To follow divine principles that was created by other people is just not something I'd like to do. My principles and divine principles may coincide, but at least I decided them.

I trust that I'll probably get flamed for this. Go ahead and bombard me with your opinions. I'd either respond if its interesting, or just ignore you if you're being a jackass. Please make sense with your arguments too please.

As I watched Van Wilder for the first time in 4 months because I didn't want to study, and the newest two episodes of Scrubs, I was thinking about the lesson they're trying to teach. One of Ryan Reynolds lines was that "First dates are interviews", and J.D.'s rejection of a girl because he has no future with her, kind of makes me wonder about what the hell are we looking for? Interviews? A companion for life? So should we always spend longer time on searching before you even "waste" any time on another person? or should we just play the lottery and hook up with as many people as we can? I mean, apparently as long as you keep asking, odds are that you will hook up eventually. And with a statistics, the more tries you make, the better your odds that you will succeed.

So at what point does it become settling? At what point does it become desperation? At what point will you just give up? Will anyone do in this world? Is there a thing such as fate in this world? Or does chance rule the world now, with the number of people in the world? Heh, it kinds of reminds me of the thing I wrote, but never finished. I should really start to finish writing it. Only 6 pages, but I think its pretty good. But the creator has no right to say that. But is there a red string in this world? Maybe it should be easier to see, or at least they should tie it tighter to the finger.

Maybe I search too hard, or too little. Maybe I'm too cynical. Maybe I'm too idealistic and too much of a romantic. Heh. Reminds me of something from English class in OAC. That thing with the blind date game was funny. My responses to it was unrealistic and by far too much of a romantic then would be realistic. But I was always too much of a dreamer. Sigh.

Maybe I just listen to too many songs like Abandoned Pools's "Start Over" and Sugarcult's "Bouncing Off the Walls Again". They're still good songs. A good departure from what I usually listen to, and yet still pretty similar.

heh....I think I'd love it if someone could use the line "I went out with a lot of girls before you, but they were just practice before I found you." Maybe its too cheesy, but meh. It makes me laugh.

Wow. Long post. That tells you how much I am not motivated to study.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Dreams of a distant ... something

The dream of the day will be posted on the bottom

So I went with Darrick and them to Morty's the other day for beer and wings to celebrate Darrick's birthday. Kinda fun when everything was said and done. Justin was kind of out of it with the beers he drank. Yan was tipsy after half a glass. Darrick drank like 4-5 beers and he was also sort of tipsy. I had the same and was also kinda tipsy. Vicky and Lan didn't mainly because Vicky doesn't drink and Lan was driving. Ammon had to leave early, mainly because he still lived at home. So it was fun with the drinking and stupidness that only tipsy people do. I got pictures! They're not that funny though. The funny stuff only Catherine has and Vicky also got a few good shots. All I have are the boring ones of smiling people. But it was fun. All of this before a midterm too (ANTH102)

Midterm: bah. stupid questions. I mean, how am I supposed to remember that in a certain tribe in Africa, the women bring in exactly 30% of the meat. The choices were 100,80,40,30,20%. Or that women on average in the world breastfeed for 2 years. Choices were 1.5 years,2 years,1 year,6 months, 3 months. I mean seriously, that is whack.

I love writing about dreams. It is if I was part of some other universe other than this drab old one. Anyways, I remember that the universe I dreamt about yesterday is very much similar to the one we live in. However, there are certain people that can use special abilities (much like Alters in the Scryed universe). No one knows where they're from, but they've already organized themselves so much that there is a academy for potential users. I was not a very strong use, but my ability was a very flexible one (which I don't rembmer what it is). I was specialized in my missions and had a close tie with the principal (who was a woman in her early 30s or late 20s (I couldn't tell). We had a close relationship that bordered on friendship. Anyways, one of the incidents involved a manga I had picked up. I only had one chapter of it, so I asked the others. They said that they've heard of it too, but the problem was you can only order them from the parent company and it was strange that no one carries them. So I bought them and showed it to them (don't ask me how mail-order suddenly became instantaeous shipping) and it was kinda sad. A very fascinating premise (kinda like the ability user thing with romantic comedy overtones) turned into nothing but money-grubbing fanservice scenes (I distinctly remember that there were a scene where the girls of the manga was supposed to participate in a beach contest. There was whip cream and octopus. You can guess what was wrong with that picture. Anyways, after that it was the Chinese New Year festival (actually, it wasn't CNY, but something very similar to it and I couldn't tell what it was). The classes were divided up based on rank. The class was segragated into 20 people each for the top 100 people. Then the last 100 people for each year was just dumped into the F class. I was a part of the F class because I wasn't supposed to draw attention to myself. Somehow I kinda hated this idea. I suddenly had a better idea and I rushed out of the gift giving ceremonies where all the classes sat. No one noticed me. When I rushed into one of the top floors of the building to search for the principal, I couldn't find her. All her helpers/secretaries told me she was just here but she left. I then went to the ground floor and walked outside the square building. There she was. I told her part of my idea, which was to combine the classes again, because anyone that gets a hold of the class list or know the ranking system can easily target the weak people in the class. Just then, 3 upper classmen just walked past. Then she was gone, but a glimpse of the eye showed the chain of fate, which was one of her abilities. The 3 classmen just saw that and said, "she was just here wasn't she, guess she doesn't want to talk to us yet". Knowing her better than most though, I strode through the building to the otherside, while passing some cosplayer in a Sailor Mars costume. On the otherside, I saw another cosplayer in a Sailor Mars costume and I went up to her. She said, you always know what I'd do, don't you. So we continue the conversation while she was in that form. I said that baring special circumstances, we should have a class list in an encrypted mechanism and that the class should be meshed together. She said she'd think about it. I then went up the elevator back to the gymnasium where the CNY was still taking place, but I could no longer see my class. Instead, it was filled with classes lower in years then mine, kinda like the kindergarden class. I took 2 slices of bread from their gift-giving ceremony and then went up to the floor where my classes were traditionally held. A new cafetaria just opened on our floor and as a result, the lunchladies were assholes. As I went to the cafetaria, I noticed that two of my friends, a black guy with dreadlocks and a chubby white guy was sitting down eating. They told me I missed out the gift-giving and that I should hurry to the classroom for my gift, which was a pen set (those silver cross pens?). One of the lunchlady then spotted me and my 2 bread slices and then told me that if I put anything on it from the cafeteria, such as jam or butter, she'd have to charge me $1.50 in a nasty way, like I brough the bubonic plague or something. I just told her kinda in a "get out of my face" way that I'd just buy a real $1.50 sandwich from the cafe and use the bread slices as filler. Then I wished that I had my bologna slicesfrom my fridge, what with the price gouging and all here (which was strange because I really DID have bologna in my real fridge). And then I woke up.

There was a short segment about a girl I liked here as well, but she was part of the top 20 and that I couldn't get near her because everybody assumed my rank was lower than the top 100. It was only that way because I was supposed to be kept in secrecy. There wasn't much about it, just an acknowledgement in the background that I had someone I liked in the top 20.

Anyways....cool dream. I give it a 8.5/10 for enjoyability.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Delicious Lunch

Lunch has been upgraded to delicious lunch.

Prepared two fish dishes simultaneously. Oh, aluminum foil, what can't you do!

Both was prepared by putting it in an oven with 350F at 20 minutes. One pollock fillet was just overlayed with butter before baking. The other one had one teaspoon of oil, 2 teaspoon of soy sauce, ginger and green onion. I'm thinking I need to reduce the soysauce to 1 teaspoon and then dilute it with a bit of water. A bit of sugar was overlayed on top of both fillets. The ginger fillet was tented while the butter one was not.

It was damn good. Now I want some more. mm....fish.

Sigh, I played a bit. Damn it. Oh well, the delicious lunch keeps me happy. The butter fish was slightly better then the soy sauce fish just because the soy sauce one was a bit too salty (less soysauce next time).

Oh well, ran out of fish for now. I'm going to cook chicken thighs next. mm....

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


This may seem so complainy, but it's something that has been bothering me a lot.

There's only a little more than a year before we're forcefully ejected into the real world. Are we ready for such a thing though? In a way, I don't think I want to leave this place. It is the buffer between harsh reality and the powerlessness of childhood. Yet, while I understand we can't be here forever, it may be much more comfortable to just stay here.

And the tedium of reality presses down on the weight of your soul. Freedom is but an illusion. To be chained and bound in the banality of existance.

Yes, I make it much worse than it sounds, mainly because I have to admit that there is nothing to really live for in this world at the moment. I admit, all that's driving me right now is the possibility of a better time. But even that may be a passing fancy.

One of my friend thinks I have depression. That may very well be true considering what you think depression is. But another way of looking at it may just be that you're now seeing the world for what it is.

But right now, I probably will be too busy to ponder these deep philosophical questions. Midterms are coming up with a double dose of labs.

All of this, after lunch. Not having computer games makes me think too much. Bah.

Two more links to other blogs up. 2 more electrical Engineering students. A boring read, or not. Can't be worse then this huh? =P

PS. You may think my loneliness is a factor, but its not really. In a way, I see it almost as another possible solution to this depression problem. Sorry ladies, if you're offended, but you are a means to an end. Of course, if you actually do solve this "depression" problem, you pretty much earned my undivided attention for a long time. Which is pretty much saying a lot, considering I think I may have some aspects of ADD. I would probably even go shopping with you...scary! Oo...more shiny blogs. Bye bye. Class.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I feel tired

Okay, I don't know what it is, but my schedule is semi-messed up still.

I get tired around 7pm now, but I wake up at around 7am. This is definately a new development. I've NEVER gone to bed earlier than midnight before, and now I'm sleeping from 9pm or so. This is still kind of an improvement I guess.


More dream stuff. I wonder if I should write my dream in a seperate blog so that people don't have to wade through it. Perhaps. Meh.

So anyways, yesterday, I somehow dreamt that a girl sacrificed her life for mine. And I felt very sad about it. Very emotional, yes. But why did I have this dream? It was almost like that person was my lover and she sacrificed her life for mine even when I told her not to. This is weird, because there has never been anything that happened like that in my life.Of course, there is the customary "try whatever you can to save her", but in the end, I don't think I did. It was a sad dream.

Anyways. I feel tired now. I wonder if I should sleep.

Friday, February 03, 2006

On a clear day, you can see forever

I feel better than I have felt in a long time. This could be the fact that I've been sleeping better (except in weirder hours) and that I feel more well rested most of the time. For the first time in a long time, I didn't sleep in class!

The previous problem would have to be that I seem to worry a lot about things. Little stuff like paying the bills, large stuff like marks and school, life stuff like life goals and the lack of meaning. I guess in the past few days though, I tried to put it all behind me and try to focus on stuff that I can affect right now, as of this moment. One of the things would hae to be trying for the marks. Academic work isn't that bad. At least its stable and managable.

So I decided on a contract of sorts with myself as an example of will over impulse. This term should be better now. Its hard to be dedicated to an ideal, but it is much easier to be dedicated to something concrete.

So anyways, on wednesday, I went to the LunarFest thing held by Konnichiwa Japan and CASA. I went mainly because Darren said he wanted to go and I did say I'd go. So basically it was just the two of us. We were first in line, like the keeners we were. So we took in the show that lasted approximately 1 hour. It was short, but still much better than the stuff that was in the LunarFest thing held by the mandarin clubs. After that was the opening of the dance, which was basically similar to a basic Fed Hall night. A lot of people came afterwards because all they wanted to do was to dance. As usual the crowd stormed towards the bar. I don't understand the attraction to alcohol. But of course, stuff like clubs and this would need more people you know. No one we really know went besides Darren and I. Only some people in our class that we're not very close to (like Alex and Lawrence. The regular club going group) and some random people that we knew (Walter that I knew kinda in High School, Tiffany that I worked with at ATI, and Tiffany that was Justin's roommate). And I had a lab the next day. Getting drunk and smashed was not something I could afford in money and time. So I left early, like 11:30. Even the bouncer seemed surprised that I wanted to go home. Darren stayed. He left around 1:00. It took him approximately an hour to get his beer (which is surprising, because he doesn't drink). He pretty much just stood there at the bar trying to get the attention of the bartenders. Seriously, if there was 200 people in fed hall, 125 were up at that bar. There were like 25 people sitting around in the lounge area. 25 more people in the booths and 25 more people actually on the dance floor. Apparently the DJ was a famous guy (Baby Yu), but I can't say I really know. He was using a iBook. That's pretty much all I got from the glimpse of the guy behind the DJ booth.

I took a long walk around the campus before getting home. And it was the first time in a long while that I actually felt tired. And I actually slept. Without thinking too much about life. Maybe the secret to life is not to be stressed about anything. In that case, does that mean that we should drift through life without doing anything significant?

I refuse to believe that. I am still clinging to the hope that everyone of us has some sort of purpose. Whether that purpose is important to millions of people or just to that one person, there is still a purpose. I doubt we'd ever really find out our true prupose until we die of old age though, but when the time is right and your worries carefree, it is almost like you can see life and joy in the horizon. Maybe living in perpetual worry and sorrow is not a good thing. Still, most people are stupid in my opinion. But then, that's just me. For most people though, on a clear day, you can see forever.