Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Rest in peace

Never had such a bright hope been extinguished in the world. May you find peace at your Journey's end.

We'll meet again some day, comrade.

Dedicated to the memory of Janet Yip.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Yes, maybe yesterday's post was a bit misleading. Anyways.


What does that mean for you? For me, it means that I can do what I want, when I want. It means that I don't have any pressing responsibilities, and it means that I can plan out what would maximize stuff I like and minimize stuff I don't.

It's true that a relationship would strain this. I would have to sacrifice my time, and stuff that I would want to do, when I want to do them. I'll have to sometimes put someone elses need above my own. That may seem selfish and unreasonable, but all humans are selfish. It just doesn't seem like it because the benefits of the exchange may not be easily seen. (Nookie, for example. Heh. I finally used the word nookie. I was wondering how I could even use it.)

What would a relationship bring me? A companion. And yes, I read somewhere that companion means someone to share bread with. It helps me with one condition, loneliness, but also removes my 100% freedom. And besides, in a relationship, I could totally see me as one of those clingy types...something I'd desperately want to avoid. I'm a self-reliant, and probably self-serving, individual. A girl would probably change that. Am I ready to give up my freedom? Yes. But there's a high threshold before I'm willing to change that.

And besides, I graduate in 5 months and I don't even know where I'll end up yet. And people keep assuring me that life would work itself out. I guess it will.
And another thing....relationships are just a exchange of necessary things to survive. Whether it be love, trust, material items or other things, each relationship is there because when left alone in this world, most people can't find the strength to survive. Failing that, a relationship is something for people to find a meaning to life to survive on.

Marriage is just the penultimate commitment. However, it is in all aspects, a simply economic exchange. People got married for lots of material reasons. It has been compared to 'legalized prostitution'. And no, I'm not talking about just the marriages where one person is the sole 'breadwinner'. Even when both are out working, the economics of an union comes heavily into account. Up till this century, marriage for economics was common. It was also common for the man to have a mistress somewhere else. Guys married girls for their dowries and/or their titles and connections. Girls married for social circles and acceptability. Nowadays, while this is not immediately evident, we still do that.

Now, that's not to say that every marriage has a mistress or an affair. It is to say however, that we marry for economics. While economics may not seem much at first, it is the little stresses of everyday life that puts the tempering on the sword that is marriage. Like after the ideality of love and living seperately away from your parents (as an example), is living together, paying bills, little annoyances that living together brings really strengthens or fractures a relationship. We marry because of the things that the other partner brings into our life, whether it be money or convenience or even to simply look good. People get together for all types of reasons. This may very well be why we love a certain person, of what they can give you.

And if they don't provide everything, we look elsewhere. With the advent of technology, we have become more and more impatient than ever. Nowadays, we seek instant gratification, rather than waiting for anything. The abundance of information and communication and media have removed our naivete and replaced it with cynicism. Everyday, we hear 'stories' of something that could happen to us. Ever read the "Ask Ellie" section of the Toronto Star? All the depressing stories looking for advice on relationships in this cruel lonely world. Information have become the bane of relationships because face it, the more we know a person, the more we desire them less. Well, not always true, but mostly. Information has caused people to become more cynical and more selfish.

The information age can also be called the "Me" age. With more technology, people become displaced. We don't exactly know our place in the world. Not content with just a single explanation when there are tons on the net, we become weak in our faith in anything. Cults use a variety of techniques to ensnare the lost. While most people think that technology has caused people to lose faith in religion, I think it is the opposite. It has ripped the ignorance veil asunder and caused more people to want a certain place in the world. Something that declares themselves to be special, and failing that, at least loved or know one's place in the world. People either use religion to do this, or a relationship (or relationships).

Relationships are not about giving. It is about taking. Granted, the taking is not for free. It is a trade. Not always an equal trade, but it is there. We go into a relationship expecting a partnership of sorts (most of them anyways). If we don't like what we want, we end it. It is how the other person fits into your life, not how you fit into theirs. Love? Most people don't enter a relationship because of caring. It is most likely because of a primal attraction on some level. And where does that attraction stem from? Sex? Power? We enter a relationship expecting some things. If we don't get it, we're out of there. That is what the economics of marriage amounts to.

It is also why divorce rates are so high. When you have gotten what you want from the other partner, you just dump them. The reasons why it didn't happen before was a) the social stigma attached to divorcees and b) people did not just care only about themselves and c) people were more naive and less cynical.
Well, what a rant about relationships. I don't really believe what I wrote up there. Well, I do and don't. The practical side of me agree, while the romantic idealist doesn't. I guess that's what I get for being born on the cusp of Taurus and Capricorn. However, if (when or if. It's hard to say) I do get a relationship, it would need to be meaningful and serious. I really can't see myself in a light relationship. However, I'd probably be blinded at that point and the practical side of me would probably melt. The above would probably be forgotten. Until 2 years later, when the chemcials of passions have faded. Ahh, ever the pessimist right now. But that's only on the surface. I'm quite the optimist right now. That I'd graduate and meet someone. That's quite optimistic you know.

As for the whole grad school thing. That would be the next post.

Good night and sweet dreams. Till I see you again in my dreams, my Lady.

Monday, November 27, 2006


I demand epics! Long stories that will fill me with distraction. Something that would allow me to not think. Something that will fill my heart with the warmth of its characters and its interactions. Damn it, where have they all gone to. I need more stories. MORE STORIES!

Sigh. Time travel is out. I've read all of S.M. Stirlings' works as well as Eric Flint's Ashandi Shards series. Fantasy is pretty much out. I haven't seen one that I want to read lately. And most of the major series I've already read or not interested. Ditto for sci-fi. Romantic novels are okay, but most of them are so predictable that its boring and can't distract me much. Historical novels are okay, but only if they're written well, instead of written like a history. I don't know. I just need something to not think about.

I want to immersed in a reality of something else for a while. That would be fun. Or I can create my own I suppose. But it's hard. I guess I start tomorrow. After watching the trailers for FF12 and the documentary about all the FFs, I realize why they seem so appealing. It's because they are immersive. They have the epic storytelling that I like. But too much time. I'd rather read about it.

I just need something. I need ideas. I need to see it. I can write it down, I just need to see it and remember. Hopefully, dreams can fuel that need.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.
Next time: Freedom, relationships and the economies of marriage! Why people's divorce rates are higher as a result of technology! And why I'm screwed with or without grad school. Stay tuned!

Sunday, November 26, 2006


There's so much I want to write about right now. But I don't know where to begin. Thoughts are racing through my head because each of them are a distinct little kernal of thought of varying topics and direction.

I think my biggest problem is uncertainty right now.

The crushing weight of it is almost like despair. I have no clue what I want to do with my life and no idea of where it's heading. For me, change is good, but when I think that my decisions in the next year or so will dictate where my life will mostly likely head towards, I freeze up.

There's just so many decisions that I can't make right now because I don't have the data.

Not knowing what one's path in life is is always a disappointment and a bit scary. I mean, do I go to grad school, or a job. If grad school, which program? if job, which field? and location? and meeting new people? how about girls? looking for a girlfriend usually involves meeting that person right? There's a lot of things I don't know. Choices are great, but when faced with a multitude of choices, it may become a lack of direction.

Heh, sometimes I wonder if I was a bit more unfortunate, would I have done better. That way, I would have less choices and more passion in what I do. Maybe, but that is in the realm of could have been and have no relevance to the now. So. I wonder what I should do.
Writing all this probably makes me less mysterious (and less attractive by association), but it is a method of expelling emotions and feelings that seems to work very well. Yesterday's post might seem a little bit extreme, but it has helped control it. I don't know what happened yesterday, but I feel better today.
Well, there's a lot more I do want to write, but this is it for me today. I need sleep. Good night and sweet dreams.

The feeling right now is...

Fuck this. Fuck all of this.


I'm this close....this close...and yes...very annoyed right now. At the world in general, but then again, mostly at myself. Mostly at myself.

I don't know how to describe it. It's probably like a mid-life crisis, mixed with a lack of achievement and dedication. A lack of meaning I guess, in life, in reality, in everything. What is it? I'm tired of trying to find out the patient way. It's like an altered state of mind. I'm just very very annoyed right now.

And worst of all is, I really can't direct this energy anywhere. It's not anybody's fault, not even my own. It's all circumstance.

Well. Those feelings stay here for a while.

Good night.

Friday, November 24, 2006

I love root beer.

Yes, I love root beer.

Ever since I rediscovered this beverage of choice in university, I have grown very accustomed to it. Nowadays, if I'm looking for a soft drink, it is root beer I turn to. All root beer tastes different because of a different composition. Personally, I prefer A&W because it contains vanilla, which makes it taste sweeter.

It's 12. and I guess it's kind of late. I'll write this quick.

Thanks Francis. Those 80s songs are gold. Here's a list:
Level 42 - Something about you
Christopher Cross - Arthur's Theme
Lionel Richie - Hello
Aha - Take on Me

I'll be listening to them for the next several days.
I'm curious. Would you prefer your partner to be reliant on you, or be totally self-reliant? Would you rather that they are weak or strong emotionally? I'm curious you see. Too reliant a partner, and that becomes clingy. Too self-reliant, and that becomes frigid.

I think one of our needs is that we feel that we are needed in some way. That we matter in this world. So, in order to 'matter', you need to be needed by the person you love right? It makes you feel 'special' and unique. However, in order to attract such a person, you need to be successful in life in some way. They have to excel in some field, meaning they are more than self-reliant. This makes it a balancing act between being successful and needing the other person.

By my conclusion, the best attraction that one can have is to be hugely successful with a character flaw, whether it is in personality or emotionally. That way, for guys at least, it also nurture the mothering instinct in females to try to correct you out of it.

Granted, this is still theory crafting, but I think it is sound in reasoning.
Anyways, I think I'm going to sleep. It is 12 and maybe I'll post some more later tomorrow.

Good night and sweet dreams. Till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

You know what I hate?

It's the fluid motion of life. We pass through life meeting new people, hanging out with friends, and lose touch with old friends. There are some friends that you stay in contact with all throughout your life and know you very well. More often than not, friendship has a certain time limit on it. After a while, you both just drift off in opposite directions.

While it is true the fluid process of motion is stronger than something standing still, does that apply to friendship? I mean, I don't think it's right to be a stronger person at the expense of friends. Sure, you may become a more interesting person by ditching old friends and meeting up with new ones, but what does that say about yourself. The analogy of whether the mountain or the ocean is stronger holds here. While it seems that the mountain may eventually be washed away by the fluidness of the ocean, it is the mountain where you can build your home on. A home adrift on the high seas is not a home at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. While friends come and go, it is important not to lose touch with the ones that have had for a long time simply because it is too much trouble to keep them. And then again, you musn't forget to make new friends and meet people, or you'll be stuck in a rut.

This post was not prompted by anything. I just wanted to write something that people can either agree or disagree with.
Oh yeah, I was looking through facebook, and damn it, my sister does know some really pretty girls. Not that I would even remotely think of asking her for anything. It is my strong belief that I believe in a higher power, destiny if you will, than anything else. And besides, I doubt any of them are interested in the same things I am.

I do believe compatibility is a major issue in relationships. But what do I know? It's like I'm a theorycrafter than a participant. But meh, I don't like to fail. Ever. I wonder why that is. But you know what, most people that are interested in the same things I am are taken already. Weird. Hahaha.

And lastly....job update. Nothing yet. I'm supposed to apply to UWO for their PhD program. Apparently, I need several things that I won't be able to get until January unfortunately. This is mighty unfortunate as acceptances and bonus availability become much better during the earlier acceptances. Oh well. I still am uncertain about my path in life. Of course, I always hope that my path is the right one, but one can never be sure.
Weird dreams again. I don't remember what this one exactly is. But it was weird. And it had superpowers in it. Very strange. But my Valkyrie wasn't in it. Unfortunately.

Anyways. Till I see you in my dream, my dear Valkyrie.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

So bored that I'm watching TV

I'm so bored that I'm watching TV shows. Numb3rs I always have time for, but some more series are seeping in. Like Heroes. The premise of it is excellent. X-men meets common sense in a way. X-men was too fantastical in my opinion, but heroes makes them a part of our world. Or as much as possible.

I'm thinking that I have the soul of a poet, the mind of an inquisitor, the abilities of an engineer, and not enough will to do any of it. Nothing seems to 'captivate' me. Maybe sometime in the future, I'll be able to find out what it is I truly like. For now, I guess I'm semi-content to be a leaf in the wind. But I can't make this last. For a man without ambition is a man without dreams. And I can hardly have that.

Glad to see people enjoy reading this blog.
If you guys haven't seen Matt Dancing then I really suggest you do. This was also awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kiwi!

Spandau Ballet's "True" is probably one of the famous songs of the 80s it seems. It's been used as samples in other songs as well. "Set Adrift in Memory Bliss" by PM Dawn is probably the more famous one. Search these up in youtube. You won't be disappointed. I love that name btw. I always like any phrase with the word Memory, Bliss and anything else regarding Eternity. I wonder why I'm so drawn to those words.
Anyways, one of my friends asked me how I coped with worrying. So I might as write it as the focus of this last segment.

Do I worry? Constantly. About life. About the future. About what I'm doing. My biggest fear is whether the choices I make are correct or not. I'm a commit-o-phobe. I mean, how do you know that the decision you make is correct? Should I go to grad school? Statistically speaking, you meet your spouse most commonly in university, followed closely by the statistic of meeting your spouse at work or work related functions. Now, should I go to grad school? Work? Lounge around? Travel the world? (The last seems difficult as I'm poor and probably can't afford it).

The simple answer is this. You can never be sure, unless you have omniscience. Unfortunately, not many do. So all we can do is go on. Worrying is good, to a point. Because worrying can cause you to do things in a sensible way, but too much worrying, as with thinking, would cause make a coward of us all. All we can do is hope to make the best choices we can at the time.

The result of this is regret. Something I guess I face everyday. That's one reason why I play so many games. It's like a opiate designed to short memory. I guess I regret it now, but I guess I'll just have to live with it. I just wish sometime in the near future, this regret can soften with time and turn to nostalgia. That's a feeling I can live with. A sense of bittersweet happiness of what could have been, yet the pleasant present rather than the uncertain past. Regret can only get you so far.

I guess in a way, my disappointments and plans to choose the right path always involved the fact I believe there's a destiny for people. Or a weird if you like the other interpretation. It's up to you to take up the mantle though. But how do you know its the right choice? That's impossible to know. As well, I think I've been fed way too many stories of true love that while I wish true love was real and possible, a cynical part of me contradicts this. All I can do is hope that I am facing the right way and when the time comes to shine, I will have the knowledge and courage to face it. All we can do is wait for that defining moment and face our weird. Until then, its hard to worry about a lot of things. Especially when there are so many distractions in the world.

Well, that was kind of stream-of-consciousness writing. That really had no point to it. The bare facts is that while some worrying is necessary, it is counterproductive past a certain point. Worry all you want, but it won't change matters unless you force it to change. I guess I'm just following my own advice here.

Just don't be like Hamlet. Think to a point. Stop. And Complete.
Yes, and I had another weird dream.

This one involved a lot of things. I can't remember the start. But a bunch of us, old friends all, went to this apartment. It reminded me of a HK style apartment. One set of windows was not barred while the rest had little cages for resting stuff in...I guess even people. For some reason, some of us decided to go and try the ledges. Now, the one without bars was the largest window and it was open. The girls were already on the cages. It looked sturdy.

One of the guys, a heavyset guy goes to close the window. We happily told him to be cautious in a playful voice, but somehow, he really did end up falling. We were quite shocked. We didn't know what happened, since it looked like he was pushed, but no one was near him.

There's a second part to it, which involves a stepladder, the top of a building, vampire/monsters and me cowering in fear, even with a crossbow. But I was also watching all of this with a detachment as if I wasn't the person cowering in fear, but rather, the narrator. Weird.
Well, till I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.

What a great song.

Spandau Ballet - True

That's a fresh old song I have always heard but never had a chance to figure out what it was. Anyways, now that I've found it, I'm happy.

So updates. This weekend was fun. Got to see family and friends again. Just a general sense of relaxation. The Nintendo DS performs superbly. Great platform. And the battery life lasts. Definately fun.

As for other things, I guess I am keeping a positive outlook, which I guess is pretty rare for me. So far, I think I have nothing to complain about and everything has been great. I just wish it lasts.

So my Japanese 'dream' job, if I had any, rejected me. Politely, but still rejected me. I'm just looking forward to the fellowship. I'll do it tomorrow. Just came back from O'Conners. Fun night. Got to love talking to people and learning about things.

The Blow - True Affection. Another good song. Just listening to random songs on etunes.
Sometimes, I think I should have left towards Ottawa a lot earlier than now. But you really can't change the past. Regret yes, but regret doesn't do anything. You can sigh with nostalgia, but regret goes nowhere.

For a last term, it isn't bad. Definately interesting and meeting a lot of people. Been having a lot of weird story dreams again. I wonder why. They've stopped somewhere in the last 4 years. Ever since university. I wonder why they're starting up again. Not that I mind it, but why until now?

Thanks guys, for your input on when people should get married. Lots of responses I've read (ie. 6. I wish I had more, but I guess I don't have enough readers). It seems that most people would say that it just feels right and around a year or so. I'd tend to agree with that. But I'd probably place it longer from 1 year and change it to 2 years.

Question today: Where do you think most relationships that end in lasting marriage starts?
1. Friends of a friend
2. Randomly (bar hopping/clubbing/etc)
3. Conference of similar tastes (ie. convention of something (anime perhaps), or alcoholics anonymous (that was a joke.) or maybe at a book club or something)
4. Online (guessing recently stuff)
5. Arranged marriage (probably in other countries, not here)
6. Love at first sight.
7. People met through work

Anyways, ask around, like parents, or friends of parents or people that you know are married. I want to know. =)

Good night to all and a good night to all.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Another short one today.

Do I have Asperger Syndrome? It kind of sounds like me. Read the article and respond please? For people that know me?

Although one thing I don't have is an obsession.

Anyways. A longer post will be given later. Probably tomorrow. An accounting of the weekend and the thoughts that spawned from them

My Karmaic Balance is good so far. Let's keep it that way.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Life is Good.

Life is good. Hopefully things and karma stays this way! =)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Weird Dream. but here it is in detail.

Anyways, it was like I was on a TV show. I'm one of the main characters, and the show is about many things. Most of it was about university. There are filler episodes that do not relate in any way to rest of the show.

I'm a university student with a main group of 4 friends. Me, guy A (Ya), girl A(Xa) and girl B(Charlotte). Now, Ya, Xa and I have been friends for a long time. We are friends, but Ya and Xa have a romantic tension towards them that is never fulfilled. I on the other hand, is Xa's best friend, while Ya is my best friend as well.

THroughout the course of the show, it is shown a lot of things, like how we meet deadlines and how we try to accomplish things we set out to do in university. However, most of that stopped when Charlotte joined our group.

Now, Charlotte was pretty. Short hair, always a hair clip in her short hair, brown hair, eyes and always energetic. She was like one of those sports managers in a sports manga brought to life. Now, Charlotte and I definately have some sort of romantic tension and this is explored in quite a bit of detail.

Midterms arrive and we all study like hell for them. Xenia was there as a guest star and she was commenting on how we never really study that hard. I find out that I live with Ya. Xa and Charlotte live across from us.

On the last few episodes, Xa meets a guy and falls heads over heels for him. They decide to get married quite fast. Ya becomes devastated. Xa doesn't seem to notice and invites all of us to her wedding, with Charlotte as the main bridesmaid and Ya and I to be two of the groomsman. All of us go on a trip to go skiing as a graduation gift to ourselves.

Weird part (could be filler):
Now, what was weird about this was that this was like a special episode depicting weird events. There was a mansion in the middle of a snow tundra. Just before the mansion, there is a bottomless chasm with a very very thin bridge connecting the two. THe chasm is no more than 2m wide, but definately scary. Before the chasm, there is a convenience store hut where we go in for hot chocolate. I'm the first one there, while the others take their sweet time driving. Kent (one of my other friends, can't tell if he's Ya or not), was over enthusiastic and almost fell in to the bottomeless chasm because it is only 2 meters and over a hill. He did get back safely though.

While we're waiting for our guide, the convenience store owner asks for hair nets. When asked what he's going to do with them, he says he's using them to deep fry pure chocolate. It sounds disgusting, because he's using hair nets to do it, but when it comes out, it's more like a batter coating a huge chocolate roll cake. Meanwhile, kent's playing with a doll that accepts chocolate candies (like m&ms) as money and keeps feeding it.

Meanwhile, the mansion is being rented by the elderly couple that owns it and doesn't seem to be worried that its empty most of the time. The realtor agent doesn't understand this and seems to be in quite a mood about it. She accepts the elderly couple's decision to only charge very little for the place, but doesn't seem to be too happy about it. She does realize though, that not many people would rent such an out of way place.

The episode concludes normally and we are seen riding back home in the bus. When all of us gets to our stop, I stay on the bus while the others get off. Telling them I'll join them later, I think about what to do with the case of Xa and Charlotte. I realize that I like Charlotte a great deal. Ringing the next stop, I realize it would be a cool 2 minutes before the next stop which translates to more than 20 minutes walk home. I walk home at the stop with a smile and I seem to hear a strain of music. It flows into me and I could hear the lyrics of this strain of melody. "I you. Anything...Everything. Oooo, you know it's true." was the snippet I can still remember. After this song ended, another one began. I don't remember the lyrics to this one, but it is also incredibly pretty, and it is a soft slow ballad. When I get back though, I realize that our last projects our due. We are an art school and our last projects are sculptures. Somehow the wedding business is forgotten by me. We all work on the project. On the last scene, our entire class pose in front of the camera with our various sculptures. All of them seem to be held in our hands. However, Xa and Charlotte are missing. The first place sculpture was named "Glide" and it was featured ona table with a blue ribbon on a pedestal. The camera raises over the table (previously blocked by the backing cardboard of the display) and we see that "Glide" was a side profile sculpture of Charlotte. We also see Xa and Charlotte kiss. The matter of the wedding is still unresolved. And it ends.

Last known part was a commercial for a HK TV show about a guy (late 30s, 40s) with a beard and mustache living with his parents still. It was surprising me because up till now, the actors were speaking in Japanese (yes, I know I don't know Japanese, but in my dream I did). Whereas the actor was speaking in cantonese now. Then it really ends.

I frantically tried to remember the name of the show, and it slips by my memory grasp a few times. I don't remember it. However, I do remember that there is a 3 part (or 4 part) OVA that explains the ending and continues it to the true ending.

Then I wake up.

I do remember though, that the true ending involves me and Charlotte pairing off. Ya getting Xa's wedding called off at the last second. Xa and Ya getting together. It is really kind of cliche, but it is so good. It makes me wish I could see the OVA. Too bad it doesn't really exist in real life.

Comments? Email me =p. I want to know what you guys think.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cleaning up my act

Well, I guess I should clean up my act. For what? I don't know. For who? I don't know. All I know is that if I keep doing this, all I'll have at the end is a whole bunch of empty promises and nothing substantial. Although one can argue what exactly is substantial in this world.

My writing is colloquial according to Lisha. She's probably right in this regard. My story is trying to portray the growth of character rather than advancing the plot. While this is good for semi-autobiographical stories, it is a crappy style for science fiction or epics. I must therefore rewrite the entire thing and restructure it. I'm now 12 pages behind, and I haven't started at all.

What is wealth? What is life? What is purpose? Can we exist without purpose? Or do we become ghouls at that point...zombies that just wait until true death?

I don't feel motivated to clean up my act. But unless I clean up my act, I doubt I'd be motivated to do anything. What a catch 22.

It's already in the middle of november. What I have to do:

Apply for the job that I want. (The GE phd study thing)
Look for grad schools.
Look for a Nintendo DS lite.
Finish FYDP report.
Write 12 pages for story.

I'll stop playing WoW sometime. I really should. Sigh. But I need a timesink. I guess I could play DOTA again. The fact is, it helps me away from thinking about other stuff. I guess games are my equivilent of alcohol. Although, no matter how many games I play, I doubt I'll achieve the 'beer-goggle' effect. Wait...a girl that plays video games? That is the 'beer-goggle' effect right there.

This is so depressing. Apparently I'm no better than an alcoholic. Spare me.

Another thought recently. I want to write a letter to my future self. That way, I can see how 'brilliant' or 'stupid' I was several years ago. I don't recall my dreams and aspiration from 10 years ago, when I was 12. That was sad. But I also realize I wasn't observing as much. Not the observer I am now. I had action back then. Truly, does conscience make cowards of us all.

Anyways. I saw a cool blood red moon on friday. That was cool. I wonder why, but it's really pretty.

I was clicking around lavalife, and I was checking their descriptions out. When you're cornered by makes you look hard at the descriptions you can set for yourself. Try it sometime.

Therefore, from the options: I'm a honest, shy and impulsive guy that's a sucker for a cute smile that values loyalty and a curious mind.

I wonder what else is new? I don't know. Oh well. Here's a cute picture.

I think the cat is cute!

Oh yeah, do I have to set a life/thought-provoking question here before people respond to me or write comments? Here's mine:

"At what point in a relationship do you think getting married is the next step?" - By the way, this is not a competition. I'm just curious about what people think. Ie. Just dating for several months? Living together for several months? Or are you people going to chicken out and say 'when it feels right'.

Anyways. Good night. Sweet dreams. And may you always find your way through darkness and light. Till we meet again, my Valkyrie.

Friday, November 10, 2006

back to the that time again.

Again. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Another week, another post.

So what new this week? A new haircut, a new set of glasses, a new mp3 player, a new webcam.

Besides material stuffs, not much.

Anyways, been playing WoW quite a bit still. It's a good timewaster, although one wonders if wasting time is ever good. But then again, all you need to do is find out several activities that you would enjoy as you continue your journey to death. Pleasant thought eh?

I found out several things.

I can't seem to get into K-dramas. I don't know if its the actors, the culture or the plots, but I simply cannot seem to relate to them on a level I can understand.

I also don't find the Korean actresses attractive. Maybe it's the cultural undertones or the lack of media contact/brainwashing, I just don't find them as attractive as some people profess 'drop-dead gorgeous'.

I lack passion. Ambition I have. It's that I can't get into a topic too deeply or interested in it for its own sake. Or at least any activities that would help me make a 'living'. That's why I make short term goals for myself that has direct results. Why I like games that have 'rep' systems because it feels like I'm accomplishing something, or at least tricking myself into thinking so. I'm pretty confident in my ability to do things, so I feel like a missile without a target. Drive, it's what I'm missing.

So my dad and I get into a huge discussion on what I should do after graduation. I still don't know. I find it hard to decide, and harder to take action on a definite step.

There's more that I should write, but I can't think of them at the moment that would be appropiate because it would be trite. So good night and sweet dreams, my dear Valkyrie.