Sunday, September 23, 2012

First year of post-grad life

Another two months. I've now lived in Baltimore for 2 years. But much of what defined Baltimore for me, the people I see on a regular basis, has changed. The lack of a core group of friends feel odd since they are certainly available by email, there is little to talk about. Continuing to do so through the school is odd since I definitely don't fit their class. They are fun to observe, although I do feel that I come across as a know-it-all. I can't help it in their case since I already went through everything they did for the school. I don't even get invites from the second year class because I'm definitely outside their spectrum now. People won't even return my calls.

In other respects, I've joined the MAC/gym. I think exercising will be good for me. I've improved my mental abilities during most of my life. I've improved my social skills since undergrad, so I think working on my physical side would be important. The problem would be trying to frame this in my mind as a method to routinely develop setting and achieving goals on the physical side.

My biggest concern right now is that I'm not seeing all that there is to see here. We always have a limited amount of time here and we always forget it. I want to travel, but is that really a goal. Travelling in and of itself is an experience. But I think the experience is what I want, and the ability to share that experience.

Am I looking externally for answers too much nowadays? I've always found solace in games and books and discovering new worlds. For the past 3 years, all I did was talk to people and try to understand their views. It was great, but its also limiting. I need to look internally for answers because I like solving puzzles. This means I have to regroup myself and rediscover what I'm really missing in terms of experiences.

Lastly, on the professional front, I haven't done anything to really propel me anywhere. Granted, it's only been 2 months, but on the other hand, it has been 2 months and I haven't followed up on anything or remember to continue to research on other issues. Instead, I've been following politics like it is the opiate of the masses. Seriously, I have to stop myself by saying it doesn't matter. Focus on how to generate ideas to solve pain points and problems for healthcare and people in general.

And probably have to learn to be more positive. And to stop critiquing and analyzing everyone. I think another issue is I don't know what people expect. I'm willing to help if it's important, but don't ask me to drive you to places and don't take me for a chump. But if I'm always open to offer knowledge and skills that I have. Because I believe in distribution of knowledge and truth. Maybe I'm warped given how I see the world, compared to other more socially apt people. I don't give compliments often enough I suppose. If I give you a compliment though, take it and run. It means I'm super impressed, and that doesn't happen often.

At least three more years here. And yet, I don't know what's going to happen. See you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.