Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Freezing up.

I can't help but freeze up during important moments. I don't know what it is, but I've escaped from responsibility or really trying on anything ever since high school.

Interviews, games, anything.

I don't know why. But it happens. That, or someone or something is delibrately stopping me from succeeding in anything. Nah. That can't be true. =/

This is going to be a never ending circle of despair. Bah.

Anyways. Let's hope everything would be fine in two weeks.

Wish I had more happy news.

Friday, June 23, 2006

It could be fate

It has not been a good past few weeks. I wonder what my place is. Identity crisis and all that.

Some things that occur long time ago have effects that will cause problems with your sense of identity. Unfortunately, you never know when things go wrong and you think of the things that you have done to deserve the lumps, or not deserve it.

Here's the thing. I'm starting to get annoyed. I've been in my fourth year at university. I've done nothing that I really want to do. I haven't really accomplished anything. Nothing really new or pivotal or critical knowledge have been learned. In hindsight, there are many things that I should have done or accomplished. There are things there should not have been said or done.

I feel like a loser. Like someone that won't go very far in life. Sure, I might end up in a middling state, but that's boring. I've never been in the States for a co-op job. I've never done anything in university that is critical or anything interesting. Never taken any contests. Never proven my worth, just coasting by. I lack the discipline to take anything all the way. I wonder why that is. Actually, I felt like I've gotten dumber. More fixed and rigid without the benefit of increased knowledge. I've lost my innovation and creativity and I wonder how I can achieve it back.

Sigh. So emo. Sometimes I wish I could take these 4 years back and redo it. I don't know what to do after university. Sigh.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

In the middle

I'm still comptemplating how bad I'm doing in school. Damn it. Why?!?

Saturday, June 10, 2006

This past week

Well, it has not been a fun week. Besides the 413 midterm on monday which I bombed, there was the 411 midterm on friday that left me dry. So after all this, all I can say is that I hope the future bodes better and not worse.
I think I worry way too much. When I lay down trying to sleep, I worry about a lot of things, situations at home, situations at school, school projects, school work, the future, etc etc. There's just too many things that could go wrong.
There are other stuff on my mind, but I can't seem to type well today. I'll update this later.