Sunday, January 27, 2008


So many things to talk about.

So the original party of 4 grew to a party of 6. Three of us arrived earlier than the other three, who were shopping for a baby shower for their co-worker. The food was excellent. I had the Terrine Maison as the appetizer, the fish of the day for main course and an apple flan for dessert.

The terrine was interesting. It was kind of what I was expecting in terms of genre, but not in terms of flavor. It was supposed to be a mincemeat mixture that was a chicken liver pate. However, didn't really taste the liver.

The fish of the day was good. It was poached trout in a lobster white wine sauce. The carrot and rice accompaniment wasn't anything to write home about. The carrot was heavily drenched in butter and rice was just normal western style rice. The lobster sauce was awesome though, and the trout was still moist, even if I thought it was still considered dry in Chinese cooking styles. This is because it was poached, most likely not in a vacuum sealed bag though. That might be a bit too much to ask for. It was good though.

The flan was good mainly because it wasn't overly sweet. Otherwise, it was nothing overly special either. =p
What was most interesting was the conversation that sprung up from the unlikely mix of people. I think it may be the fact that while all of us know each other, but only from work, so our topics ranged far and wide and we established that no topic was taboo.

And like any odd pairing of people, the topic turned to the universal topic of relationships and what attracts women to men and vice versa. Compatible values and confidence was listed as the top reasons of attractions. And then we were discussing what was the first physical attribute that a person notices in their attraction (surprisingly, breasts didn't really rank high. It was eyes and hair that ranked the highest).

Anyways, while we discussed all this, she was quiet throughout the entire part. When her friend 'pressured' her into answering, she replies that she's never really thought about it. And that she really doesn't want a relationship that much. Oh well, what can you do against something like that?

Well, I also must note that she went to the bathroom a lot during this period, both a need to because she drank quite a bit of water, and probably to avoid the questions. We were having fun, but I don't think she did as much. And she really clams up in front of her workmates.

And then, we went to Nathan Phillips to check out the remnants of the Wintercity festival. So the three of us were walking and talking about what we're doing, and she seems very into settling down and getting a house and car. She also seems to be very well traveled, going to Japan several times and cruises.

And she's daddy's little girl it seems. Ugh. Trying to top that, and a seemingly class difference (she seems very well off), it seems impossible. But who knows. Whatever. Que sera, sera. All I hope now is that I develop my skills. It is also for this class increase that I want to get into business. It's hard to jump otherwise.

There's a lot more I want to talk about, but i"m tired now. While I don't lose hope, I do kind of feel disappointed.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

You think about the most surprising stuff...

when you're lying in bed. Nothing to distract you. Nothing but the quiet hum of your personal computer (if it is in your bedroom like mine). Total tranquility.

Somehow my mind wandered onto routines and the demonstration of social worth. Couple that with some of the books I've been reading, and somehow this came about.

The Princess Routine

See, everyone loves to feel special. What's more special to a girl than feeling like a princess in Western society? There's two ways for this, to act as the knight or to act as the prince. The knight is the loyal protector, and is basically the nice guy persona. The prince is the frivolous high social standing bad boy.

So start off with a time-limited opener, like "My friend and I were having a discussion and maybe you ladies could enlighten us on the answer. If you were a princess, would you rather be protected by a loyal knight, or a playboy prince?" Then somehow suggest that the target is the princess and ask whether they want to play the princess game for a while (because you have to get back to your friends). If she agrees, suggest that you guys grab a drink (or something) and maybe dance. If she ever asks which one are you, just answer the question with a question. Leave after a quick while (maybe 5 minutes), and say "the magic is over...unless..." etc etc.

Somehow, this is all theorycraft, but it may work out. Who knows. I don't think I'll try it though, unless I'm in a club and have nothing else to do. But here it is, what my brain thinks up sometimes.

I think I treat encounters like that as an abstract game. It seems more real to me that way somehow.

I also learned that I'm very good with spot analysis, but am worth absolute shit for longterm planning. Somehow, that does not bode well. For example, I can think of the best move at any given point in a chess game, but I can't play beginning or endgame that well. I'm much better with short term goals than long term goals. Which puts my life in jeopardy apparently.

Until I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Settling for mediocrity...

is probably the worse thing anyone can do.

It is a trap too easy to fall into.

There is only one solution.


On memory

Dreams are so hard to catch. You can either write it down as soon as you wake up, or have it lost forever, only to pop up in unknown moments as a strange sense of deja vu.

Today's dream was a bit out of character. First off, I'm traveling alone, when I meet this old acquaintance of mine at a dam. She and her sister was traveling to see the sights as well. This dam is world famous and has a naval base built right next to it. The only way to get into the naval base is to get across the dam, which is heavily guarded.

I was taking pictures with my point and shoot and all of a sudden, a storm appeared. The girls went inside the observatory, which was safe from the huge tropical storm. I went out to take pictures instead. I was being careful and took some decent shots, before I went back inside. It was then I met this old guy that seemed to be a fellow photographer. Gave me some advice about taking photos of birds flying through the pictures (eagles actually), and left.

Met up with the girls again and explored the observatory. Somehow, we ended up at a place where you can see the naval base. I reached behind the safety screen around it and my camera did something strange. When I made it to pre-focus on an area, it would blink and then give a wireframe outline of the building along with a map of some sort, as if I doused the entire area with x-ray radiation and I could see the corridors and such.

Then the old man appeared and told me about how there was going to be trouble, and the whole place erupted. It seems like we were at war and somehow I could stop them. I was given a weapon of some sort, which was like a nail gun and fired it into the enemy. However, it was given only to the person who can use it. It gave a semi-religious intonation to the weapon. Somehow, a kid took the second 'sacred' weapon and tried it for himself. While he couldn't accurately fire it, he did use it to drive off some enemies. Somehow, he ended up to my campsite and I was firing these akimbo. It was weird, because the guns had almost no recoil and the top of one was a hammer, while the other one was a screwdriver. The screwdriver one was more powerful actually and the one that the kid gave me.

There was more, but I had since forgotten about it. It was a struggle to open my eyes, as if I knew it would make the dream go away.

Until I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ahh snow....

It just started snowing again.

I love the atmosphere of snow. It's so quiet and muffling. The world recedes away as it is blanketed with a cleansing whiteness. It is as if the world was made for the two of us. The streetlight shines in the darkness; its beams reveal the diamond dust as it douses the path ahead of us. Our footsteps makes no noise as it records our passing in the virgin snow. The road ahead of us lays untouched for a while, as we pause here, and look at the world we created around us.

A snowflake drifts quietly by. Its whiteness is the color of purity, as it gently lays its soft chill amongst the warmth of your skin. It melts, and the crystal glistens as it falls from your cheeks like a diamond drop. The flushed look on your face is quite becoming, my dear. As we stand here, underneath the streetlight, the world disappears. You look so lovely, in your white wool coat, my Snow Queen. I drop to one knee, as my long coat is speckled with white, I hold out a white box. All I have is one question.
Anyways, I don't know why I wrote that, but it was something to write. I wanted to include a picture with it, but the picture i had in mind was a movie poster I made in grade 12 that fit this theme quite well. But I can't find it. I believe it may be on my old computer. That is what I hate most about computers. The lack of continuity. My computer, for me, substitute as a time capsule and allow me to keep all sorts of memories stuck into little corners. However, when a computer fails or the hard drive corrupts, I lose my memory and I feel sad. I've read that couples share a memory like this, and when couples break up, this is the major pain in their lives. It's because they lose that collective memory that causes so much hurt to a person. After all, what is a person's life but a set of memories?

I've nearly finished Wikinomics, and I've been tackling a few other books. However, I don't know when I'll finish them. They're useful, but I'm losing interest again. What else do I have to write? Well, I think I'll start writing again on random thoughts. I haven't done that for a while. I had a decent chain of thought going, but I forgot it as I was walking back from the supermarket. I don't know what to do nowadays, but time isn't on my side unfortunately. I think I'll go to Big Think more often. Need to actually try it first, but it poses to be interesting and a very good time waster.

Winterlicious is next week. That shall pose to be fun. I guess I'll write later. Dang, but I love falling snow days. It's so beautiful.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Monday, January 14, 2008


Not really Carter. I'm not surprised at all that most of the Z Crew are looking for something worthwhile to do with their lives. (And yeah, we need a better name than Z Crew).

Look at our society as it stands today. We all have a result-driven mentality, coupled with ego-boosting classes in the gifted program, and the discovery of so many unique (yet seemingly lacking) individuals achieving success, we all seem to be waiting for success to either fall into our laps because we're unique or we're waiting for something for us to feel passionate about.

One of the many problems with that is that we're interested in too many things.

That's one of the hallmarks of a 'gifted' child, or at least in our class. We have interests in a variety of subjects, that it is hard to feel passionate about any single one. Carter, you graduated with a major in biochemistry and now you want to do screenwriting? That's a huge swing, and you're not alone in that at all.

When you have so many interests, it is hard to be passionate about any single one. They are all equally important, and therefore, we lack the drive to succeed in areas that we could. Instead, we languish in our lives, hoping something would come along.

And some people are really motivated in a given subject because that's all they're good at. Some others feel motivated in a given subject because it is the only world they are exposed to. But because of the Internet, and the free flow of information it represents, it is hard to distinguish knowledge from data, and we become interested in many things, but knowledgeable in almost nothing. And that lack of true knowledge hurts our motivation because we're in between the threshold of apathy and passion.

And unfortunately to be a specialist, all too often you have to give up so many things to succeed in one particular field. And unfortunately, we like to keep our options open. And we're not great risk takers. Most of us are content to minimize our risk and do things that would succeed, albeit in mediocre form.

What I'm trying to say is that we're all waiting for opportunity to fall into our laps. We expect too much from this world. It's not just us either. There was an article that states that many new IT workers from 18 to the early twenties have a turnover rate of around a year. That's nothing in today's job market. Most of them want more than they should be getting: like an office, more than entry-level salary, and interesting design work, as soon as they get hired. They hear all these great stories and think that it is the rule, not the exception. No one wants to work hard anymore and we all try to cut corners because it is all that we know nowadays. It is the easiness of life nowadays that make us feel dispassionate and stupid. And we think that the easiness from high school and university will continue, until reality comes plunging down.

Oh, and I notice something weird the other day. I noticed that most of my infatuations were towards older girls. I wonder if my instincts are trying to tell me something.

Lisha says that's great, at least you know what you want. But I don't. My brain and mind tells me that I want a girl younger than me, yet I find women that are around 2 years older than me more attractive. Weird. Eh, whatever will be, will be. Only time can tell what will happen in the future.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

First post of the new year.

Upon the request of Matt Carter, here is the next post.

So I'm up at 3AM because I can't sleep again. I lay awake at night, thinking about my life and trying to figure out what should be my next step. A crucial point in one's life is to determine what that person wants in life. Is it fame? Glory? Money? Power? Love? Respect? Honor? I don't know, and thus, I do not know my next step. And it consumes me.

I have never been a great multi-tasker. Sure, I can poke and prod at a number of different projects, but I really can't handle more than one main project at a time. And right now, I'm projectless. And it bums me out because I am not improving myself somehow.

Work, is work. It's not the most inspirational thing, but then again, my passions lay elsewhere right now. I don't rightly know exactly what I'd be interested in. I think I would like business. By making connections and deals. But one never knows what the future holds. That's not the same as saying you shouldn't prepare for eventualities.

But life really does give you what you ask for within reason. It's just that most people don't know what to ask, and more importantly, who to ask. And I think that's been bothering quite a bit. Will I do something with my life, or be one of the nameless masses milling around.

Oh yeah, another thing is the highly disproportionate amount of single people working in Comp/Elec Engineering firms. By single people, I mean single guys. Is this profession this way because the people have no time on their hands, or are we all people with no confidence or passion besides the electrons that do everything we tell it to? Harsh, but there may be a grain of truth in there.

The nameless masses. I wonder if that's a reason for this milling about. I mean, the whole relationship angle is that you become special to one person, and nothing (well, baring the end of the relationship) can take that away from you. It just seems easier than trying to become more famous than Bill Gates. Although, you have to wonder if that's what you want in life.

Ugh. I don't know what to write. Been reading certain books that teaches you how to network. The concepts are interesting, but to me, they're just concepts. I can't seem to apply them in practice because ..., well, I don't rightly know. It could be because I think I'm more of a maven than a connector. That change in thinking hasn't hit me yet.

Let see, an update on the romantic front? Nothing. Nothing at all. We chat a little, but that's pretty much it. She seems so busy all the time, and I think I reply a little too fast on the messages. But I can't help it, since I'm so used to instant messages from MSN over the years, my response time is very good (unless I'm gaming, which I can't do at work). We've talked about going to grab a bite to eat, but she stays till 2-3 in the morning most times for work, and we haven't set a date. I think I've been actually been given opportunities actually. She was stating what her plans were for the weekend (working on Saturday and maybe laundry on Sunday), so that would have been a great time to ask. But this was over Office Communicator (which is MSN for offices), and I don't feel right asking over MSN, so I decided to wait until after work (which is when I actually head over to her building). But at that time, she was busy and couldn't be found. So, I don't know what to do. Ugh. That was last week. Ugh. I'm not going to overthink this and just let this settle into what may come will come. No more overplanning.

My machine has been modded. Time to try out some new games, although to tell you the truth, I really don't have that much interest anymore. I need to find a new interest! I'm going back to sleep.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.