Saturday, December 03, 2011

Another year...growth?

Wow, been a while since I've ranted or wrote anything here. So, what has changed? I grow a little older, a little wiser. Incremental improvements to myself: professionally, socially and fashionably?

Why am I writing now? Has my situation changed this much that it warrants an update? I guess I should write a few things to balance my consumption side. I have to create in order to balance that out.

I think I've done well since coming to this MBA. I feel like I'm gotten better at what I do. But sometimes I feel like the same kid inside. I still can't read people very well. I overanalyze. i take people directly at their word. But sometimes I feel still like I have no personality. In the sense of charisma, in terms of funny stories, or to entertain people. I just don't have that skill. I don't have the ability that some has, to be outrageously happy and shrug off comments, or to use my wit and charm to weave entertaining stories. That's a skill I've yet to learn. I can listen. But if I ask too many questions, it sounds like an interrogation.

I cannot figure her out. Actually, at this point, I don't think she's interested. Am I being played? I don't think she's doing it consciously. Or maybe she is. Maybe I'm just being way too passive. Which could be true. Maybe I'm not vulnerable enough to really want/need a relationship. I sabotage myself a lot mainly because I come in which such a negative attitude. Right now, I swing between apathy and arrogance. I don't have that comfortable medium between the two called confidence.

I'm getting tired of games. I dislike confrontations though. I back my arguments by numbers or facts. Which are not very valuable in a emotional discussion. I think the time when I feel like I should confront people, is when I don't care anymore, which usually means I already lost any feelings I had already.

I wish improving yourself was simple. Where you can get more immediate feedback.

I think I can stand a lot of things. The only thing I can not stand, is being ignored.

See you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

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