Tuesday, December 20, 2005

By my Heart's command

Well. nothing much happened. Skiing was pretty fun. Left me pretty sore (that tells you the level of exercise I've been getting).

Talked to Jack for a long while. Haven't talked to my cousin for a long time. Oh, my older cousin has a baby girl now. Gratz Eleena. Wow...life into this horrible terrifying world. And going back to China in the middle of the bird flu season. You're a brave one. And I never congratulated you either Andres. Gratz.

Anyways, sometimes I wonder about the percentage of life's successes. I've gotten a letter/email about a job oppotunity that may be achievable based on my resume and my old contest scores. But I'm no longer an individual that strives for achievement. I'm already in a rut. I need something to shake me out of this lethargy. Maybe a new direction in life. Hell, I already know what direction I want to head in, but can I get there?

I'm just reminded of a quote about the fact that when you're in love you can't tell where your heart is. Only the girl that has your heart can tell you that.

I don't know where my heart is. But I'm not sure if anyone has actually found it. But I'm tempted, no, commanded to explore, by the heart I'm not sure I've lost. But is there a reason? I can't tell. Must plow on.

And thus the cynical cycle begins.
"All right," said Susan, "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need ... fantasies to make life bearable."
No. Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
"Tooth faries? Hogfathers?"
Yes. As practice. You have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
Yes. Justice. Mercy. Duty. That sort of thing.
"They're not the same at all!"
Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice. And yet you act as if there were some sort of rightness in the universe by which it may be judged.
"Yes. But people have got to believe that or what's the point—"
My point exactly.
– Hogfather

1 comment:

Riva said...

First of all, ur damn lucky to know which direction to head for in life and sure u'll get there no matter how hard you try to run away , you will become what you most desire, cuz u know not another way and u will sure be lost if u treaded elsewhere.

And about the justice part,I wud just say ....nice way to get down to the atom ;)