Reasoning

I've always placed being self-reliant as a very important goal to myself. That is followed by efficiency, achieving as much as I can, and having as many options as I can for myself.

This could be the reason why I've never actually felt that I need a relationship to complete myself.

Sure I could say that a relationship is the easiest way to be somebody special in someone's eyes, but do I really need validation from another human being to be who I am? I never believed I did, especially since one of my goals is being self-reliant.

So it's not a big surprise for me that I haven't had a serious relationship ever. I don't know what I want or need. Beyond the physical aspect of it, I suppose there's not much more than being a very close friend. According to someone, it could be that I just have never experienced that sense of connection and self-fulfillment that a relationship brings. She sounds like a drug dealer. I don't know if I can trust her...

What are my long term goals? I am a survivalist. I'm pretty sure I can handle myself in any situation, at least any situation that would crop up in daily life. For family or relationship issues, those can wait for now I guess. I really don't know what I want. I have a stable job, relative freedom, no rent, friends, family. What more could I want?

Sure, I'd like a "seasoned partner of life" (haha. Love Hina scanlation reference.), but I can do without it for now. What I'm missing is someone to share memories, interests and time with. The problem is that I think it'd be too much trouble right now. The problem being the irrationality of emotions, the fact that I like to drift back to nostalgia much more than any new thing, and the whole losing memory thing, really kills any chance of this.

Plus for the fact that I hate doing anything 'wrong' (incorrectly, not morally wrong.), and the fact I can imagine the consequences really makes me a killjoy.

Maybe I really should take a photography course.