Goals

I have no life goals.

I don't know what I look like to other people. Some of the people I talk to online have told me I have the thoughts of a older person. Others that I have met told me I act more like a 28 year old (although that was because I met them only once or twice). Is it the rule that in our early twenties, we waste our time like it is not important? The searching, yearning and questing for the truth at my age seems to be a common pastime. However, the problem is that other people are actually doing something about it.

A friend of mine, after being dumped, is refocusing his efforts not on his love life, but on his new online business. Besides working a 9-6 job, he's using his free time to research and create infrastructure for his retail store. Another friend of mind already spent the better part of a year creating his business and is about to make his first big sale in his consulting business.

What do I have? I have accomplished nothing in my past 7 years. The last award I won was in 2001. Is that who I am? Someone whose identity is defined by award and achievements recognized by others?

Lisha points out the conundrum in my thinking. If I'm as self-reliant as they say, I should not care about the opinions of others. At the same time, I have no real measure of achievement or success without those same opinions. Technically, while I can live by myself and be content, it is boredom that strikes me the hardest. And the most interesting thing I've ever encountered is another person.

It is the mind of another person that holds the most mystery. After all, we don't know what or how other people think. Can we really predict the actions of our friends and acquaintances? I like certain TV shows and magazines because they give me a glimpse of understanding on how other people think.

Still, this does not solve my problem of what I want. What do I want really? To be happy? Famous? Love? Someone thought I'm desperate for a gf. If I really was, I'd do much more than being limited by my indecision and my inaction. If it can't even overcome my ennui, than I am not desperate enough. Another person has called me twisted. Perhaps. But it the unconventional that brings with it the most rewards, even as it brings it the most hardships. I don't know. The path of least resistance is just going along with my job. The second most is studying GMATs. The third most is to refocus. I think I'll go with GMATs for now.

That's my decision thus far, anyways.