Day 4: Akihabara

Day 4: Akihabara

Woke up on day 4 a bit late. It was sunday and it is traditional to sleep late. I wanted to go to Kappayashi street in Asakusa because it was famous for their kitchenware. However, because it was sunday, most of the shops were closed. The only ones that were open was selling fake food. Now, don't let the idea that fake food is cheap. A piece of fake sushi was upwards of 2000 yen. A bowl of fake noodles was 5000 yen. It think these were professional quality ones designed for restaurants though. There was also high performance cookware, but I didn't want to carry heavy iron stuff back.

And after walking around there, at 11 o'clock, we finally arrived at every geek's dream: Akihabara. Akihabara Electric City. Actually, if you think about it, there really isn't anything really special. It is just a few blocks of endless shops of manga, anime, dvds, electronics, wiring, ... and the best arcades around.

We wandered around. We did see some cosplayers. I bought some artbooks that cost me a total of 10000 yen. If I lived in Japan, I might spend a lot of money on random stuff.

The manga stores were awesome. Seven stories of manga and anime related goods. There was a place for costumes and squaresoft licensed accessories. After a while though, we did go through the major stores and decided to come back later. Everything was looking similar, which is never a good thing.

We went to MOS burger for lunch. It's their local version of Harvey's. A more upscale joint than the McDonald's. I love the fact that some of their burgers used rice patties instead of buns. It was smaller, but still filling because it was rice, not bread (since bread is mostly air).

We went to Shibuya afterwards. Took pictures of the famous Scramble Crossing. For anyone that's ever played "The World Ends with You" by Squaresoft, Shibuya is REALLY similar to the one in the game. However, there are shops everywhere. Mostly clothing. I wanted to do a pose in front of every area in Shibuya that was part of the game, but that took too much effort. So we wandered around and people watched.

Finally, as we decided to get a drink from a convenience store and find a place to sit, we find the only ghetto park in Japan. It was kind of grimey, lots of homeless people. There was a miniture soccer field for Futsal. Looked fun, but I didn't have the shoes and it looked more like a league.

We sat on a rock, and realized from the way we dressed, we kind of looked weird in the Japanese environment. Most Japanese people dressed in suits if you were salarimen, even if you weren't at work. On the other hand, people dressed really casually or trendily if they weren't wearing suits. We were dressed in sports jackets, but no tie or shirt. At one point, I thought we looked like little disrespect punks of the Yakuza or something. People kept giving us weird looks too.

We walked towards Harajuku while comtemplating this. While there, I found a jacket I liked, and I also bought some 'wishing dolls'. They were cute. There was also this guy that kept trying to take a picture of this crepe store. I took one because I thought the shop looked cute. He was trying for a photo of the waitress. He also had a lens on a DSLR that was 3/4 the length of my forearm. What a perv.

We took the train back to Shibuya for the night view of Scramble crossing. At night, it really looks like the Japanese version of Times Square. Or Times Square look like a less pedestrian friendly version of Scramble Crossing. Either way, lots of people.

Next on our list was going to Shinigawa to go to a Lawson station to get Museum Ghibli tickets. We had to go to Shinigawa because we didn't know where else was one.

Museum Ghibli, being a small museum, is a museum for Studio Ghibli, a studio making the most famous Japanese Children's anime movies. Names like Laputa: Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, Totoro are all part of some Asian childhood. They're like Disney movies, with much less musicals and much more plot. Now because they're small, they have a reservation system so that they don't become overcrowded. The reservation system is based on a machine that sells tickets to many venues in Tokyo and is only available at Lawson's. Think of a ticketmaster outlet that's only available at Macs.

At the machine, we were stuck. This was because for some reason, we could not reserve a ticket for the next day. We later found out it was because it was a holiday. We checked the 10th and tried to reserve it but it asked for a name and phone number. While we don't have a number, we did have a name. Still didn't work. It accepted only katakana and hiragana and it wouldn't accept 'Paul' as a name. We tried to ask the clerk, but our Japanese wasn't good enough. The clerks looked at it and didn't understand us very well so we tried to tell them we can't enter our name. After a while, we heard the two clerks speaking in mandarin. We tried talking to them in Mandrin... success! They helped us by faking a number and name and we got our tickets. I am now thankful that I know Mandarin at this point. Mandarin being useful in Japan, who knew?

We went to eat dinner at this point. Couldn't really decide on a place and Paul didn't have an opinion. He went to all the restaurants in Shinagawa while he was there on business. Lucky guy. So we decided by price and went to a cheapish place that did traditional food. It was only around 700 yen or so. I had a charcoal grilled fish and a special autumn soup of oysters and tofu in a dashi broth. Paul had a pricier fish but roasted in the same way. We communicated by pointing at the menu.

It was funny, the waitress actually made another waitress curious enough to indescretly peek at the 'foreigners'. I still don't know why they kept whispering while looking at us. It was weird. The food was excellent though.

Then it was back to Ueno and walk around again. There was nothing but Pachinko parlors. So we went back and slept.

Day 3: Odaiba

That day, we had plans with Lings and her friend from Tokyo, Motoko. We went to the Hilton in Shinjuku where they were staying to do some company business. However, given that we had drank the night before, we totally miscalculated the amount of time we needed to get there by 11am.

We started the day by getting some walnut cake like things to eat for breakfast. It was already 10, so it wasn't totally packed, but it was still quite full. We could barely eat while standing on the train. We got to Ling's approximately an hour after we were scheduled to arrive. Because of that, we really didn't leave for Odaiba till 12 oclock.

The view from the train to Odaiba was awesome. Nothing like a huge suspension bridge on top of water to look majestic.

After getting there, we didn't do much but walk around. Saw the Toyota Showcase where there were lots of cars. They really have many more models than here. Their cars are stubbier too. There was a autodriving car, but we didn't want to wait in line. Ling got more Flag chains for her Nominations bracelet. They were 4000 yen per piece, but Toronto doesn't have a Nominations store, so this was one of the few places she can get it.

I was allowed to make the choice for lunch, so I decided on a Japanese place. I had omurice, Ling had Donburi with chicken sashimi. Paul had yaki-age (fried chicken) and Motoko had Chicken stew with grated daikon.

We wandered around the second mall after lunch. It's like HK. There's always something to do in Japan and that something is shopping. I even bought a small chain necklace for myself.

Since sunset falls early in Japan (around 5!!!), it was already getting dark. We went outside at dusk and realized just how beautiful the view is from Odaiba. The skyline of Tokyo is clearly visible. Probably the best looking place in Tokyo. All the couples using it as a makeout spot can't be wrong!

Walking along the beach, I took a LOT of pictures of the skyline. Too bad my camera isn't a DSLR, and only a point and shoot.you can see the pictures in my profile on facebook.

After resting and picture taking, we went back to Shinboshi station and walked around Tokyo once more. Looking at a food magazine that's free and highlights restauants around the area (there's different versions for each district), we decided on an Okinawan place for dinner. We still weren't really hungry because our lunch was around 2, so we walked around more (Paul and I did a lot of walking).

Since Ginza is close to Shinbashi, we went there to window shop. And one of the stores had a huge lineup. Guess which brand it was. H&M. I kid you not, the lines for H&M was 3 blocks long. While we may not look at H&M as a hugely popular brand, over there it is considered 'foreign', and therefore, good. Plus, the stuff they have over there seems more along the lines of Zara, rather than Old Navy. It wasn't as highly priced as Zara though.

We went to Uniqlo, a Tapanses brand, and Paul and I saw stuff we want to buy, but we held off. Ling and motoko both bought stuff. I wanted some really nice Merino wool pullovers while Paul wanted jeans. We decided we didn't want to lug around stuff this early in our trip.

We were finally feeling hungry, so we went to the Okinawan place. We had eccentric stuff that I love. Before we even ordered, we had otoshi (some amuse bouche). It was some stirfried root, some hijiki seaweed with kidney beans, and a shot of an aperitif (sake). More restaurants should have amuse bouches.


Okinawan cuisine love pork, so we got a Paijuki salad (some type of seaweed), some spam stirfried with egg and goya (some type of bitter melon thing), some Okinawan thin pancake, sweet potato fries, Okinawan oden (pork instead of seafood) and Okinawan soba (really light, but flavourful broth). The paijuki salad was weird. The seaweed had little balls on it that exploded when you bit into it. It was sort of like tobiko roe (fish eggs), except it was plant based. Pictures of food is on my facebook photos.

Probably couldn't have eaten this well without Motoko-san. Having a friend that knows the language rocks.

Day 2: Fish Market and Harajuku

The night before, we decided to go to one of the most famous fish markets in the world: The Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo. Because of when it opens, we decided to wake up early to go to the market. While we decided to leave at six, we actually didn't leave the hostel till 7. We took the subway to Shinboshi station and walked from there. By the time we got there, it was 7:30 and the tuna auctions were over.

To me, the fish market seemed to me to be a huge giant wet market. It reminded me a lot of the markets I saw in China and the regulated fish markets in HK. It was also quite cold. There were quite a few tourists that were looking around. How did I know? For one thing, they all carried cameras. The locals pretty much just bought their stuff and left, unlike the tourists (like us), who walked around looking at the huge carcasses of fish.

So finding a sushi place to eat was not easy. Every cheap sushi place was jammed and packed with people. This was hampered because someone suggested we eat at a conveyer belt sushi place. However, as we were looking for it in the market area, we could not find it. Finally, we gave up and found the shops area, where sushi shops were already in full swing at 8:30. Everything was packed. There was one place that was empty, but the chef was smoking, so I doubt the quality of the food.

In the end, we ate at a ramen place that was in the shop area. It was still packed, but we didn't know what to order. It was the sort of noodle stand that you had to know Japanese for. There were no menus, but Japanese plaques on the wall. While we could read the word ramen, we couldn't read anything else. Paul could read the katakana. I could understand what the vocabulary was. But Paul didn't have the vocabulary, and I didn't recognize hiragana or katakana, so we were in a pickle. In the end, Paul just pointed to two random plaques on the wall, and we got miso ramen and shio ramen.

Afterwards, we wandered off towards Shinjuku. There were just a lot of brand name stores. It was international to be sure, but wasn't really impressive to me. To me, it seemed like a whole bunch of mall like shopping centers. Also a lot of business buildings. I did take a picture in front of the LOVE statue that was so prodominant in the Densha Otoko live action drama. Still, it is in a lot of things, so I took a picture.

We then wandered over to Harajuku. It took us a while because we decided to walk over there instead of taking the train. Along the way, while I decided to help an old lady with her luggage, she kept saying excuse me (sumimasen) because I guess she didn't expect help. Afterwards though, I realized that we looked like wannabe thugs because while we were dressed in suits, we were wearing them very casually, almost mocking the people that wear suits to work. Oh well.

I had one of the nastiest drinks I've had in a while. It was a black bean black tea that was supposed to be good for you. Paul took the safe route and had a calpis soda. Ick. I can still remember the black bean tea now. Good thing I had an onigiri that tasted good. It washed the bad taste out.

So anyways, by this time, we had gotten lost by walking. I missed a left turn and we were going the wrong way. We decided to take the train to Harajuku, so we decided to sit around and finish our drinks. Meanwhile, while we were drinking, I decided to mock the police on bikes. Paul somehow made me laugh, causing me to choke on one of the nastiest drinks I've ever had. Talk about embarassing. Good thing the cops on bikes didn't catch me, or I'd had to outrun a bike.

We got to Harajuku. It was great. It was geared towards trendy people, and while I'm not trendy, I love watching people that are. ^.^ However, it was also here that I had a traumatizing experience. Not 10 meters in from the front of the pedestrian walkway, was a 40 something scruffy looking man walking towards us...with no pants on. Talk about tramatizing. It wasn't a regular thing. How did I know? There were 2-3 high schoolers that were following him with a cellphone camera. How did he miss the kids following him? More importantly, HOW DID HE MISS HIS PANTS??? And how did Paul miss the whole thing? He didn't see it at all.

So while walking through Harajuku, we checked out some stores. Claire's, the accessories store for girls, is everywhere. It certainly seems popular enough here.

I decided that we got to Tokyo U. After reading and watching Love Hina, it was a place not to be missed. Passing through Ueno, we saw a pond and shrine. By thi time, our feet HURT, but we soldiered on. For those that know how fast and how much I walk, you would have an idea of how far we walked that day. At Ueno, I bought a cute teddy bear face towel at a 100yen shop. Their 100 yen shop really puts our dollar stores to shame.

The University, while not gorgeous, was dignified. Their engineering hall seems much more interesting than ours, but I suspect it's only because I've been there only once, instead of how many hours I've spent at RCH and the rest of the campus. We went ot the cafeteria because I'm obsessed about food. Their food is cheap! Everything looked awesome and it was all under 500 yen. UGH. Why do we have such relatively expensive food in Canada?

So after taking some pictures at the university, we went back to the hostel to rest. Went to Shinagawa to meet up with Ling, our co-worker from Broadcom who was there for business. We ate dinner with them and some people from Sony. Went to a pub like place and had weird food like horse sashimi (raw horse slices). It was like beef, but more gamy. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't want it on a regular basis. Yakitori was good.

Since the tradition is to go out drinking, we also tagged along. The pub was only the first round. We went to a bar that was nearby for second round. Since it was Halloween, lots of people were dressed up. One of the waitresses dressed up in a panda suit, noting that we were foreigners, just came up to us and shouted "I am panda" and throwing up her arms. It was such a cute little moment. The rest of the bar was very lively. After talking at the bar for a while (since it was that packed) and chatting with the natives, me and Paul decided to get back, while the rest of them went out for third round in Roppongi. We were too tired to do anything else. Plus, our feet were really complaining at the time. I really wish I had more cushioning for my Geoxes.

Day 1: Arrival

A numbing 18 hour flight. Left home at 7 o'clock in the morning. I was kind of anxious because my ride didn't show up. I hate to call people in the morning, but I really had no choice. I called and woke her up. Which was a good thing, because for some reason, she though I was leaving at 7 o'clock at night. 30 minutes later, I was getting to the airport in record time.

Arrived way too early. No traffic meant that I got there a full 3 hours ahead of the flight. I decided to sit around. I did download Professor Layton on my DS, so I decided to play with some puzzles. It was half an hour later before I spotted Paul.

By then, it was 8:30 and I was hungry. I had not slept and I was hungry. I wanted to go to Tim Hortons for a chili combo, but for some reason, it was cash only. I had a loonie to my name. Everything else was in Yen. In the end, I ended up getting an overpriced bagel with cream cheese that I put on my visa. $2.50 for a bagel? Please.

Soon enough, we had our flight. Went to Chicago for a 2 hour stopover. We got to go in to American customs using the diplomat lane because every other lane was full. They let us pass right through. No troubles there.

After a mind numbing eighteen hour flight, we arrived and my luggage was easy to spot. Excellent piece of luggage by Dukine. A giant duffel bag on wheels. Custom and immigration was dull. No surprises or anything. Well, one problem. As I was getting off the plane, I went to the washroom, and realized my travel wallet was missing...with my American Express, and all of my money. Frantically, I rushed back to the plane, and was stopped by a steward. Apparently, you're not allowed back onto the plane as soon as you stepped off. However, since I knew when I dropped it (I must have moved too much in my sleep), I got it back right away as it was just below my seat.

That aside, getting to Asakusa was not hard. We were at Narita, so we bought a Suica + N'EX combo ticket which meant we only paid 1500 yen for a trip that should cost more then twice that. However, because we got off at Ueno station instead of Tokyo station, we were worried that we couldn't get out.

So with our limited Japanese skills, we tried asking the ticket collector, but we failed our speech check. So we went to the main ticket office to see if we could do anything. However, they just said that there was nothing they could do. We really didn't want to go back to Tokyo station because it was rush hour and it was already hell trying to get our luggage across.

For some reason, because they were special tickets, it never occured to us that we could just use them like regular tickets. After ONE WHOLE HOUR of standing around, it was a light bulb moment where we tried it at the machine, and it let us pass through. I don't know why we didn't just try it in the beginning.

Then we took the subway to Asakusa to stay at the hostel. It was Asakusa Smile. Not far from the Asakusa station, it was still pretty out of the way of the main city, but close enough with the train/subway.

We dropped off our stuff, and we proceeded to the temple. Asakusa temple is one of the famous temples in Tokyo. After I took some quality shots of the place at night, I made a wish with a 500 yen coin. The storm gate and the temple really felt tranquil, especially in the aura of busy Tokyo. It was strangely calm and not many people were there, partly because it was a weeknight.

Leaving the temple, we sought to find something to eat in Asakusa. Given that it was the first day, we really didn't want to find something too expensive. After walking through the temple and lots of Yakiniku (korean bbq) and Fugu-ryori (blowfish cuisine), we settled to a place where you get tickets from a vending machine and then showed it to the cook. It was Fuji-Soba, or Fuji-noodles, which was a chain apparently in the area. The noodles were cheap, but good. It was a combo, so I had a bowl of rice with some kind of fried tempura bits and egg as well as udon in dashi soup. It was good for 500 yen.

After that, we decided to try some Takoyaki. We circled the temple and streets three times because we remembered there was one we saw on the way to the temple. The lady seemed in a hurry to close up and we should have took that for a sign. After trying to order in Japanese and fail, we ordered by pointing to the sign (which we read in Japanese). It was undercooked. We still finished it as we sat looking at the river at night in our first night in Tokyo.

With the Takoyaki finished, we went to a family mart for drinks and snacks. Paul resisted the temptation of getting a snack. Instead, I got some salted ume (plums) and a CC Lemon drink while Paul got Calpis Water. If there's one thing that I miss most from East Asia is Calpis. Its a yogurty drink that's pretty much my favourite drink of all time. Anyways, I let him try a plum and he spat it out immediately. He said it has to be the worst thing he tasted ever. Oh well, more plums for me.

Okay. Let's Start

Once a day, I'll copy what I wrote on the trip to this. So 16 days. Most days will be short though.

Expect a new one every day before midnight EST.

I'm sorry but the posts are still not ready yet for my Japan vacation.

But I'll leave you with this thought.

How much heavier is a 20Gb hard drive after it has been installed filled with 20Gb of data?

...

Here is my pledge.

Well, I'll be going on a trip to the Far East in a couple of days. My pledge is that I will take lots of pictures and have enough 'adventures' that would make a fun trip. I will also finish writing them up in order to post each day after I have come back.


As for other stuff. Back burner.

Someone described me as a little boy in a chaotic world. Perhaps all I need to do is find the little girl in this chaotic world. Devil's advocate? I only like arguing because people reveal themselves a lot more when they're arguing. When you argue, it is because the matter at hand is of importance and passion to you.

I've been more afraid of opportunity cost than anything else in the world. That's why I'm not a huge risk taker right now. I am too afraid of loss. This is a natural human trait that I have to overcome.

I need a new motto. Fortune favors the bold does not fit me perfectly. I'll think of something.

What do I want?

damn exchange rate

the exchange rate sucks. UGH. 2 days. 10 cent drop. Seriously. what's wrong with this?

I guess my trip will cost more than I expected. Oh well. Probably still less than my Europe trip.

Just won't buy as much.


I love the translation of Yume de Aetera (trans. If I see you in my dreams). It's such an romantic concept.

Yes, I'm a giant sap.

I have a problem.

Procrastination.

It's a huge problem. So far this weekend, I still haven't cleaned up the house like I was suppoed to. Even today, on sunday, I haven't done anything. Woke up at two and I didn't eat at all. Some kind of purification ritual I suppose.

Yesterday, met up with some of my HS friends. Turkey + thanksgiving. However, I think the after eating activity, dota, made me pretty much sick of the game right now. Uninstalled WC3. Going to have to grow up some time. I've gotten bored of games now. I guess in a way, I finally feel that I can have a direct impact of what I'm doing in life.

Apparently, today was awkward central in the beginning. I wonder if she knows I know she knows...-.-. I love recursive problems. Because if you think about it, it really is easy to solve and to shatter the chain of questioning and uncertainty. It just takes one push. But am I brave enough to do it?

I still can't sleep. It's 6am. Was on the phone for 3 hours talking about stuff. And lots of msn messages. Sometimes, I wonder if I screwed up in my messanging behavior. I've recently noticed I seem to chat on msn only with girls more than guys. I wonder if its because I usually talk with guys and chat with girls because I can't talk with girls in person much (since I talk with my guy friends when we hang out much more often). Most of the girls I know seem to not be in Toronto. Hong Kong, Kingston, Waterloo. I don't know why. Weird. But life's circumstances are like that.

I wonder if I should go to the Jason Mraz concert on Wednesday. No one I know is into Jason Mraz and no one I can really drag them to it.

Bought a new piece of luggage. Hope its as good as I saw it online. I think I might be impulsively shopping for 'quality' items. Maybe I need to limit my spending soon. What with the weakening economy. I'm this close to opening that RRSP account to invest. Questrade seems to make it simple. But I want to wait until Broadcom switches. When I finally get the RRSP matching. Will be a while, but the stock market is like perfect right now. I've been told, you're given three life-changing events to change it for the better in your life. The problem is, I don't know if I wasted any yet.

Anyways, I'm going to sleep.

256 post. 0x100!

Too much hex at work.

So anyways, I give up. I may be too chickenshit because of the lack of enthusiasm, or the fact that we can barely chat for 5 minutes without being bored. Or maybe I haven't broken out my repertoire of wittiness. Or maybe we have nothing really in common. And I think she reads this. Nah. I'm not interesting enough to read about =p. (Plus paranoia makes people crazy. Security by obscurity though? what a joke). Maybe I still am not mature enough? But lots of people are also immature like me. Sigh. This is one thing I can' teasily succeed in. Because success have no clear objectives. Ugh. Vagueness, uncertainty. Why do you plague me so?

So, 21 days to plan for the Japan trip. Likewise, 21 days to finish all my work beforehand. It will not be easy.

Went to Nuit Blanche. Was fun. Actually met Yuki (and Abe, but Yuki is special because people keep referencing her for info on Japan, and turn surprised when I say I don't know her) for the first time. stayed until 3am. Fun times. Too bad Lily had to leave at 12.

US trip on Thanksgiving isn't happening because no one wants to plan.

Electrician fixed the problem with the dryer, and charged me $200+ dollars for it.Sigh.

Market's down. I don't know when I'll get enough cash to invest as I want to. And house prices going down. Need parents to come back. Hopefully have a deal soon.

Bought some whey powder to help me. It has creatine. I don't know how I feel about that.

Need to look at luggage sets too. Maybe a huge MECC backpack?

As for other stuff, nothing interesting of note. Just minor housekeeping work. I'll post pictures of like 2 months in a day or two. Have to also review Japanese. Even now, I'm slacking. Sigh. I really really need to get my focus.

Okay....setbacks.

Let's review in a week okay.

1. Car = awesome. Love the car. However, it is dirty already. =/

2. Dryer not fixed. Calling Electrician again tomorrow.

3. Job secured. However, things at work bugging me because I can't solve it and needs to be done before leaving for vacation.

4. Planning going along. Not as fast as I'd like, but going.

5. Ticket still in purgatory.

1. Hope she doesn't read this blog? Probably not. Given probability. Woo.

2. No money still. This isn't going to change =/.

3. Joined a dodgeball/sports group. Need to get out of the house more anyways.


Doing more stuff. Not as much as I'd like, but its a start. I need to reclaim the glory of my former years. Seems like I was the best as I was younger. In girls, sports, academics. Now, all I can do is rationalize. Reactionary. Bad.

I'm sore all over from dodgeball.

Maybe if I shout hard enough, a purpose would come.

All things go!

So far, lots of things have been greenlighted. Following my setbacks, I have now achieved several things that are positive.

1. Car coming wednesday. Nautical Blue Toyota Matrix XR w/ B package and tinted windows. Mmm. Insurance also upgraded. Should check price on that.

2. Dryer fixed (hopefully). Some gunk on the connector was basically creating extra resistance which increase the load + amps which burned out the fuse. Scraped it off.

3. offer received. Finally got my offer letter from Broadcom and means my employment is still 'secure'.

4. Vacation booked. Got my tickets. All that's left now is to plan it. Maybe see if I can coincide some of the dates with Ariel in Tokyo. Would be cool.

5. Got ticket court date already.

That's the good stuff. The bad stuff.

1. No progress with the girl in Waterloo. Just too far right now. Maybe after Japan. Maybe remember to get gift?

2. No money after the car.

3. Delaying a lot of things.


Somehow, after reading about chaos in a book about chaos theory and the lessons to be learned make me realize how much we take for granted that order exist. And I use too much time thinking when I should be doing the laundry or the lawn.

Or doing the GMAT review.

Oh well. The car will probably cheer me up.

Kevin

Crash!

For those that don't know, I was in a traffic accident last thursday. Not the best of reasons, and I'm not oging to get into it here, but I am unhurt, although my car is a total loss.

I have rented a Corolla, and am about to lease a '09 Matrix. Nautical Blue XR with sports package is probably the one I'm going to choose.

Now that the mundane stuff is out of the way...

Japan in 2 months. Trip to the states in one month maybe. But I'm not using my money effectively. It's pretty hard when you're alone and you need emergency cash. Maybe I'll follow in my friend's footsteps and buy that condo. It's hard to say how well it's going to place. That, and there's so much cleaning I should do too. Sigh.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Newsfeed brings thoughts and ideas.

So was reading a note someone wrote about how people should love the imperfections of their partner. And how sometimes we only realize the worth of a person when they're gone.

I agree with the latter, but not the former. The latter is definitely true. Not just of people, but of ideas, and things as well. We never realize the worth of ANYTHING until it's gone. Our brains don't detect anything unless our routine is broken. If something upsets your routine, it does bring into focus how badly you may have needed that belief, that thing, or that person. It's such a major idea that you see it in major movies such as 'The Dark Knight'. We have prescribed beliefs and ideas that would threaten our sanity if they aren't met everyday.

So therefore, it is vital that we take time and learn to communicate our appreciation to anything and anyone that have helped us. Usually, we keep forgetting the things that make up who we are, whether it is some thoughts and actions of a caring parent, or the stability and fun that friends bring, we take a lot of things for granted.


However, I strongly disagree with the first part when taken as it is. We shouldn't learn to love imperfections. Imperfections, by the very definition, is something undesirable. We should learn to accept them, yes, but to love them? When we meet people, or when people attract us, it tends to be the imperfections that show us the difference between individuals. You never notice how 'well' a person walks, but if you see someone disabled, struggling with their might to walk, you'll feel attracted to their sense of inner strength. Imperfections does two things. One, it brings your other strengths into play and out in the open. Second, it allows you as a person to improve. People, as a rule, does not like stable things. We take stable things for granted. See above for the idea. Familiarity breed contempt. However, we don't like chaos. We prefer ordered growth. Most imperfections allow us to develop over time, covering these imperfections with our growth and allowing us to mature.

There is a reason that girls (and maybe guys.) are attracted to the bad boy/girl image. We hope that somehow, we can change them. And yet, is it the imperfection/badness of them that you love? If it is, then you would have been a bad boy/girl too. No, what you're attracted to is the idea that you can help them to grow and mature. Loving imperfections would only lead you to try to adjust for something that is, in your mind, something bad. What you really want is to change that to 'good', or at least 'acceptable'. We should accept imperfections, because they are what makes us unique in a flip around way. Since by definition, we can't be totally perfect (apparently, some God is perfect, but can he take mortal form and solve everything for us?), then we have to measure not by the degree of perfection, but by the degree of imperfection.

So what is the point I'm trying to make? That the first line is bullshit. Sure, we should accept imperfections. But the other person, if they really cared, would try to change their imperfection for the better. I know I would if I was truly in love. I mean, that's what being in love is 'supposed' to be about. To care bout the other individual more than yourself.


Now that I think about it, I may be chasing the idea of love as a quest for spiritual matters. After all, I'm seeking devotion, love and clarity of purpose. And I always thought that the person I meet would be my muse personified. I wonder how I'm supposed to reconcile this idea with my rational self (which suggest that spiritual matters and a life partner would be separate ideas) and my cynical self (which would suggest that I have little to no probability of finding 'the one', if it exist). I don't know. I'm thinking into overdrive, but I can't get an answer that easily.

Granted, rationality might not be the best tool to analyze spiritual matters, but it is acceptable. What is unacceptable is just speaking out of personal experience. Personal experience is only as good as the person experiencing it, and I refuse to believe it is the same for every person, or that you are perfect enough for your experience to cover everyone.

Even with the above paragraphs, I do hope that I someday, will meet my muse.

" But I'm sure we'll meet again,
Someday, you and I...
Another place, another time.

It's just that we might not realize
That you are you and I am me..."

Haha. Sometimes we laugh because it is our defense mechanism. And I'm laughing because a video game can express this in a way similar to a lot of people on this planet. We are not unique, you and I. And that lack of self-importance is what kills people, combined with the lack of appreciation. ...yeah... Emo eh?

"Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you"

Maybe, I'll see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.

Color is my b*tch

Verified color block at work. Took me two extra hours after I was supposed to leave, but I have proof of signs of life of the block.

To you non-technical folk, it means that I'm good at what I do at my job.


Other than that, nothing else is happening. I'm in no hurry. Take time to smell the flowers.

Going to Japan in November. Making a list soon of what to do and where to do it.

This weekend.

You know you live the Bachelor's life when 6 chicken mcnuggets and small fries is your dinner.

Anyways...

Ajisen ramen. It's okay. Soup base is white bleached bone. Not bad, but not awesome. Noodles were frozen quality. Pork was done well though. I think they're much more Chinese ramen noodle then Japanese.

Chilled with Dorothy. Went to Pmall. Got my contacts. Checked out cellphone plans (can't justify the Iphone, STILL). Checked out plane ticket prices. Mow the lawn. Then ate with Greg and Dorothy at sushi. Sushi was okay.

Then, the next day, got more stuff done, like getting my oil changed, transmission fluid redone. Went to Hamilton to Calvin's reception. Saw Nina. Cute little baby. Finally saw (but not met) Calvin's wife, Fiona (I think...). Saw Autumn, their niece. Met Jessica and Vinh and their daughter, Michelle. saw David and Gerald again. It's kind of mindblowing to meet people that are of similar age to us, but have children that are three or four years old. It's scary in a way.

Was fun, but food could have been better. It was pricey and luxury food, but execution could have been better.

Driving to Hamilton isn't that bad. I love crossing the bridge. The bay and the water looks so good.

Anyways, enough for now. I just finished fixing toilets (they're fixed now), after rushing to home depot several times.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Cruise + others

Interesting to say the least.

Sometimes, my eyes seem opened a bit, before I wonder at the intricacies of how we even survive.

The cruise was, unfortunately, a disaster. A boat booked for 600 people. Only 40 showed up. It covered maybe like 10% of the cost, which is huge. Tried to make it up to the guy by buying him a few drinks. However, that was the idea with the rest of the people. This did not go well.

A couple of us stood by him, while he puked his guts out. In the end, he was shipped home. Before that, we were trying to get him to the hotel. We were moving him 1m/minute, because he would be lifted a couple of meters, before he was set down and he would lay unmoving for like 4-5 minutes.

Then, somehow, a fight started out. Supposedly, one of the girls danced with one guy there, and the bf was becoming pissy. Now, I'm not saying that what he was doing is right, but dancing with consent requires two people, and the girl was enjoying it plus letting him dance with her. PLUS, they didn't even know if it was that guy that was dancing with her. It was 'a guy in a black shirt'. There was 5 such people. However, with testosterone being what it is, guys fight over stuff like this.

Somehow, it devolved to 'who was he with', and starting up shit by calling guys. Don't think it ever got that far. However, a fight did break out and they were trying to stop it. Honestly, I don't care who's at fault. If it was something more serious, sure. But dancing? Over-protectiveness.

That is not what I normally see.

And yet Dorothy tells me it's always dramatic like this. Jo tries to smooth things out and tell Eugene to basically go and leave. It was safer for him and Jo didn't want to clean up a fight.

I did meet with a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Some of them do remember me. Surprise surprise. Was cool. I was downstairs, chatting with the staff. It was interesting because the help are the people that knows what goes on. The bartender was Dennis, who knows Dorothy and Terry. Putting himself through business at Ryerson, and doing bartending jobs. That's crazy. I don't think I could have done school + work in the same semester. I probably could, but I was pretty lazy. Learned a few things from him.

Several new drinks:
Killer Koolaid: Amaretto + melon liqueur + vodka + cranberry juice. Melon liqueur gets drowned out by the cranberry juice and is a nice accent. Tastes like koolaid, sort of how Long Island Iced teas taste like ice teas.

Snakebite: JD + Tequila. Apparently harsh. Jo did a shot with me and he kind of just grimaced after it. I didn't really mind it. I really think I can handle the bitters a lot better than most people.

Sex on the beach: I did know what this is, but I never actually saw it made. It seems quite simple, although I think it could be improved a bit. But I don't drink stuff like it, so it doesn't matter to me!

JD: I never drank JD before, but its not actually that bad straight.

Polar Bear: also knew of this before, but now I remember the ingredients.

P0rn Star: Tells me that this is the drink to order for the ladies. It's half raspberry liqueur and half orange liqueur. Basically half Blue Curacao liqueur and half Sourpuss.

Pretty cool guy. Talks with an Australian accent, where he's from. An Asian guy with an Australian accent. Got to be a hit for the ladies. Ha. Actually reminds me of the guy from the Two True stories from Wongfu videos.

Anyways, with Terry (I can only think of him as Terrence) driven home, us remaining six went to join the afterparty with Lucas. Didn't really do much, but it did mean that some of us had a place to crash and leave somebody apparently they don't like behind. Dorothy, Joe and I got a ride home, which was good, because Joe was a bit too tired/drunk that he was holding on to Dorothy pretty tight. Supposedly the person they were leaving was a petty thief, so... yeah, I think they'll cut her off soon. Did learn that Dorothy is the third finalist for Miss Asia? and she's planning to go to law school after she takes one more year? Looking that good and smart? Respect.

Anyways, eye-opener for me. Not many of my friends do this sort of stuff besides Terry, so it kind of makes me interested. I'd say for me, I've been Drama free since 93, but I think its even before then. The boat ride was awesome though.

I should go sleep. It is 6 in the morning. I'll post more if I remember stuff. And I think these people have inspired me a bit to get cracking on the GMATs. I'll have to do it soon. Read it after I finish reading Kitchen Confidential.

So stressed...

Let see,

Stress at work: phenomenal. There's too much to do in 3 different directions. This is insane right now.

Stress at family: too much stuff to manage. Just too much stuff I have to 'fix'.

Stress at home: Got to clean up shit, and just plain old do chores. Which so far isn't happening.

Stress at school: Need to study for GMAT.

Stress at society: Need to plan. Nothing is really working since apparently, I didn't make a strong first impression. Ugh. Sometimes, I'm so smart, I'm stupid. Sometimes I also wish it works the other way around.

Stress at shopping: can't go down to the US at all.



To conclude: I am at a 95% stress level right now, which is more than I have ever been. I can't even take an apathy chill pill. I care too much for all these subjects at this point. UGH!


I think I need to either wind down, or drop some stuff.

My new motto: stop thinking so much.

Too lazy and passive to do anything

I just sat and played FF12 for pretty much 10 hours straight.

Didn't have the motivation to clean up the house or do laundry.

I don't know why, since if I really focused on it, it would have taken me maybe 3 hours?


Maybe I'm just that unsuitable towards housework?



I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's a positive response, maybe it's a negative response. I suck at analyzing situations about myself. I'm hoping towards a positive, but who knows. The future is not ours to see, que sera, sera.

People grow up

I guess things do change.

Still don't know what it is I should do now. Sigh.

Haven't updated for a while.

So. Went rafting. Was fun. Pictures are up on Facebook.

Still not sold yet. But means that I'm still there at the job. It also means any other stuff is on hold.

Maybe if timing was better I guess. Who knows.

I haven't felt the urge to write blogs lately. I have started defining a new world. Something about modern day fantasy would be the closest to it.

Now I just need the main storyline thread.

Anyways, I don't know what's going to happen next still.

Wasting time is a drug.

Just sitting around. Doing nothing. While vital for some relaxation and allowing thoughts to sink in, most of us tend to overdo it. My weekends tend to be unusually sparse. One of the primary reason is because I keep just oversleeping and then, my afternoon and the rest of the day is unusually short.

I've been putting a lot of stuff on hold. It's because I'm in abeyance. Or purgatory. Or limbo. I'm stuck in between the state of doing something and starting. But at the same time, I'm afraid.

I'm of two minds about most things. I over-analyze stuff and I can see both sides of the equation. Cliche as that sounds, I do see other people's viewpoints. I am also overly sensitive to things too.

My primary concern about doing things right now is that I have a lot of options. I keep trying to increase these options so I can pick the most optimum one. At the same time, I kind of wish I didn't have any and that my entire life is semi-planned out. That way, at least I can know what I have to look forward to. This uncertainty is killing me.

I'm afraid of failure. Maybe I do need to fail sometimes in order to progress forward. This wasting time isn't helping me any.

I haven't done any of the goals I set half an year ago. My time just seem to fly away as I deal with the mediocrity of everyday life. I do need to do something. And soon. Back when my passion used to be mathematics, I did excellent things. Not outstanding, but at least excellent. Now, it's like I'm just another one of the washed out crowds.



Whine whine whine. Seriously, I've got to stop this. Ugh. at the same time, this is theurpeutic.

I think I'm a lot like Harvey Dent in a way. =/ Of course, a less confident one, but a more intelligent one.

For those that haven't seen it yet, Dr Horrible's Singalong blog is still up. It's a Joss Wheldon production and everyone should see it before it gets taken down. I'm not a huge fan of Joss Wheldon, but his tight storylines does make the ride go a lot better.

July

Bunch of things coming up. Camping and rafting. July + August.

Work's okay.

Been trying to learn Japanese. Taking its time. And I can't seem to keep to a schedule. Same with working out. Otherwise, life is good.

I think the reason that Magibon is popular, especially her silent videos, is because she smiles while staring at you. The appeal of a cute girl staring at you while smiling is undeniable.

Sound sometimes do detract. I am surprised at her age though. She does look 12.

And yeah. Random? out of Nowhere? Sure. Let's hope life is like that. No Reservations is certainly interesting.

Maybe I'll help Darrick move. I don't know yet.

Dreaming of her. ?When : Dream -> Reality.

It isn't usual for my dreams to e this vivid. Usually I can never catch anything but a glimpse of her. Her face seems to always change, but her essence remains the same. Yet, I think today I have the clearest picture of her yet.

It starts off kind of weird. First of all, she's the daughter of a man who has made millions selling his device on an infomercial. It was a device that's kind of like a blender, but has rubber attachments instead of blades. The device is primarily used to untangle pasta into flowing strands instead of clumps. It worked really well, and it sold for $40 dollars each.

Now, I forget where I met her, but her father was adamant and dead set against me dating his daughter. I think it was something about me that set him off. She however, seemed quite attracted to me somehow. I do not know why, so I'm kind of insecure about that. But do I ever love her. She's sweet, caring. Beautiful. She seems a bit distressed that her father doesn't like me, since she loves her father as well, but. We were making some type of food (I think it was onigiri, since we were making rice balls and covered up the rice with a bowl and plastic wrap). I had to run off for a while and when I came back, she was wrapping stuff up and gave me a stunning smile. My heart melted.

Her brother, who lives in the shadows of their father, is always trying opportunistic devices to try to garner attention and 'succeed'. However, he has never had a successful startup. His most recent invention is about ...actually, I don't remember. It was called some kind of monkey business thing. The last I heard at the patent office, one of the patent office clerks wants to invest his entire life savings into it.

I passed on the news and she seemed happy for her brother. My plans to impress her father seem to backfire, but she doesn't care. She's also kind of quirky (something about snakes? and the backseat of a car?), and for some reason, hates her ex. Well, in that sparse time between sleeping and waking, it seems there is a person (or at least a type, although I doubt I can ever reduce her to just a 'type') I'm extremely attracted to and love.

Who would have thought. Why did I have to wake up. =/

So many details.

A record of things that has passed

24 years.

I wonder what it was like. My teenage years wasn't planned. It wasn't geeky, overachieving, or popular. It was coasting.

I've been coasting through life.

Should I continue to coast? Or actually pedal? I would need a destination to pedal to. But if I just coast, I just coast down to the bottom of the hill.

So where should I pedal to?

I think this question has been asked way too many times. And I still haven't had a good answer for it.

The night breeze is nice. Sitting outside, in the dark, in a lounge chair...watching the moon float by in the sky.

Just wishing and wanting something, doesn't make it real, does it. But in our dreams, maybe we are connected, somehow. How do we change dreams, into reality?

Growing up

This will be one of those posts that sound whiny. Been forewarned.

So, thursday. Dodgeball. Fun. A bit rougher than I expected. Sore from some places from dodging, but overall, a pretty good day.

Friday was Xenia's b-day. It was a lot of fun. Great seeing Xenia letting loose. And can she drink =p. Kareoke for once wasn't that bad. Maybe because its not a whole bunch of guys this time. And the ladies do have very nice voices. I think Xenia has a great future just because of her personality. Two of the other people there only met her randomly, but are her friends just because of her 'bubbly' personality. I admire and respect those people that can pull it off so easily. And I did get to listen to some really lovely singers. Photos will be up on facebook.

Saturday, some of us met up with Edwin and his gf, and Tim, from Dentistry and who I met at Danny's wedding. Korean bbq and bowling. Had my best bowling game - 156. Was a fun time. I actually strongly approve of Donatta. I think Edwin and her look good together. I don't know. She seems to make Edwin more open, and that's a good thing. When we were about to leave, saw Terry and them. Just chatted a bit. Good times.

Sunday. Cleaning. Not much to say.

And this has been one of the more interesting and 'happening' weeks in a while. I must admit though that my goal of change and stuff hasn't been fulfilled. I have been quite behind on my tasks. There is no excuse. After watching 'Waiting...', I realize that some of my actions are half-assed. Yet, one of my biggest problems is that I lose motivation as long as it's not night or I'm not in a self-reflecting mood.

I guess it's time for me to grow up. Stop feeling sorry for everyone and everything. I don't take enough risks. Even though I'm becoming more active, I have done little to improve my life. At least my wardrobe is getting better, courtesy of my sister.

Anyways, photos will be up soon.

Good night, sweet dreams, and maybe in our dreams will we meet.

Spring nights

I just got home thirty minutes ago. Chipback is making me tired, but I do get work done.

I'm sitting outside again. It's nice.

Chatting with some friends. Enjoying the nice breeze.

It's tranquil.

Outside in a Lounge Chair

outside in a lounge chair
Originally uploaded by RielLanart

Went to work today for chip bringup. So basically like 8 hours with no lunch, and working on a Saturday. Very much of a waste because today is one of the most perfect days I've encountered in terms of weather.

I love this time of year. It's not too hot, yet it is warm enough to just sit outside. No bugs yet because it is early in the year. It's not cold at all.

I'm sitting outside in a lounge chair. The usual luminance of the full moon is richly clouded over by a light overnight haze. The breeze is warmly pleasant. I wish I had an alcoholic beverage right now. It feels so perfect.

It is one of those nights where everything seems perfect and magical.I wish it would be like this in four days as well. Perfect.

Till I see you in my dreams again, my dear Valkyrie.

Project status

Seventeen days since my last post. Jobs been taking a turn, as I have to really understand what I'm doing now. I'm not sure how it is progressing. Our open position has been cut, as well as our PEY.

Life has been fairly normal. Nothing out of the extraordinary has happened. Been coming home late though, and tired. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I probably shouldn't try what I used to do in university.

Went shopping for clothes the other day. Bought some stuff. It was a fcuk warehouse sale. Can't say everything fit or look good on me, but I did get a pair of jeans. I haven't worn jeans for half a decade.

Been thinking of reorganizing my living room. I thought about adding a bookshelf. Hopefully, after all this is done, I can invite people over. I keep putting it off though.

The project is going good. Except that I don't sleep as early as I should. Overall, I think my new haircut looks okay. Not the best, but it kind of suits me. I have to start throwing out garbage though. Been too much of that recently. Lots of dreams too. Kind of scary and exhilarating at the same time. Very interesting. And of course, there's always her. But like xkcd says..."wanting something doesn't make it real."


Somehow, seeing how some of my former peers eclipsing me in achievements and going on to prestigious schools make me sad. Why deidn't I ever do anything like that? I do realize that I don't have the temperament and passion suited for research. I am still looking for that passion.

As for girls, no one interests me yet. I think that once you do meet a girl and get focused on her, its almost if you're willing to sacrifice the other parts of your life from excellence to mediocrity just so that you can be number 1 with her. I don't know if I could sacrifice myself that way. But I do realize I should try it first before I knock it.

I'm going to write a series of essays that will just be my own personal reflections on life. I can't write about stuff I don't know after all. So all I have is my theories on various parts of life and try to mesh it into one coherent whole. I will release it when I am done.

Sorry to disappoint you Lisha, but my life still seems to be standing still. Unfortunately.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

April Fools?

Nothing special happened. Just went and had lunch with Betsy. I envy Darren and Thanesh, they get to go on cool adventures in the states. Richmond called me while eating though, because he was buying a laptop.

Figured out a problem at work today that's annoyed me for 3 days. It was so simple too. Ugh. Sometimes I wonder about myself and lack of sleep. It obviously affects work.

I need to in the near future:
1. register for Anime North.
2. decide when to go to Vancouver.
3. Get a haircut (because all the barbershop places close way too early)


That's all on my plate so far. Maybe later.

Kevin

Inspiration flashes.

For some reason I want to write about a story. The story as it stands, would be about how hard it is being to connect with people in this world. As well as having a whole state vs. religion thing, combining the big bang theory and how short our lives are really in this universe of ours.

Actually, I think it would be more about alienation...well, I lost the flash of inspiration. I think I have to watch more depressing stuff on media changes and censorship and recombine my old story first. Add some military tones to it. Portray the villain as a anti-hero. And the real villain being an evil controlling organization. With less conspiracy and more on personality and indoctrination of institutions such as religion.

Anyways, I decided that my destination for this year is Vancouver. I will somehow schedule to go there. And plan a trip. But don't know when yet though.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

Starting

This is my project. The whole purpose is to improve myself and my quality of life. I have several goals, each of which will have sub-goals to piece them into easy bite portions. Each task is independent, but some require prereqs.

Topics
1. Quality of Life - Environments
2. Quality of Life - Health
3. Quality of Life - Insight

These will be divided into tasks
1a. Clean up room (50%)- 50% complete. Room is nearly in order. public space is in order. Basement must be finished.
1b. Add improvements - Add 2 display shelves as well as attaching speaker system and thinking of making comp into HTPC.
1c. Cooking - new cooking techniques.

2a. Exercise regimen (25%) - Been working a bit. Signed up for soccer clubs. This is on track.
2b. Eating better/ Exploration of Restaurants (10%) - Thinking of a weekly thing where we go out to a restaurant and try it. Most of them will be within the Sheppard area though.
2c. Dodgeball and other activities - Summer with things suggested by Kent.

3a. Dinner Parties (0%) Prereq: clean up room - Need to finish cleaning the place up. Have some dinner parties and invite people to 'mingle'. Would be interesting to note if I can pull it off or not.
3b. Speaking improvement (5%) - Practicing and learning to speak properly. This is tied together with kareoke and singing in Chinese
3c. Wardrobe - Have to shop for new coats and clothes. Budgeted $1000 for this improvement.
3d. Hairstyle (50%) - growing hair out.

The expected finish date of these improvements is end of June, or June 30th.
=========================================

While going through my stuff, I've noticed so many memories and the things that have been long gone. I saw some of my old technological gadgets, and the feelings I had at the time. Some of the souvenirs from my Europe trip was definitely nostalgic. It's nearly been a year already.

Some of this stuff was from five years ago. I saw a student made magazine that was from seven years ago. And yet, back then, my life was not like this. I still felt we were poor and that technology moved slowly. Yet, if we look back at this time five years from now, I don't think I can imagine what my life would be like. There's too many variables to speculate. I think its best that I just experience it, and remember it, this time around.

Kevin

So much to do. So little motivation.

Taxes.
Clean up place.
Throw crap out.

My daily living schedule has become a fixed routine lately. It's eat, chat a bit. Read some books. And then sleep. Nothing terribly new and exciting.

And the problem is, I'm content to let it stay that way.

That's a problem you see. Because contentment usually leads to stagnation.

And so far, I don't have a real goal yet. Nor do I have a plan. I'm still struggling trying to find my identity. I'm not really Chinese enough (read that as fobby enough) to mingle with some of the Chinese groups. I don't have the same fervor they have for soap operas and kareoke. Nor do I have the language skills that they possess.

I'm not really westernized either. I do prefer Chinese food, I don't watch sports and I'm more intellectual than a jock. Yet, I don't prefer to mindlessly game for hours one end either. I'd try new games once, but I am not that absorbed into them that much. Besides nostalgia's sake, I do not enjoy gaming that much. It is more like a replacement as a social outlet more than anything else. A shared activity if you will.

My morals and principles? Probably as strict and judgmental as the Christians on views of sexual conduct and relationships. However, I'm not a Christian, and I actually dislike organized religion. I'm an agnostic or a pagan, depending on how you count superstitions. Well, I believe in my goddess of convenience. Well, there we go, I really don't fit in religion wise either, although that's not a huge issue nowadays (usually).

A large part of my problem is my identity I would say. I don't know who I am and which 'group' I fit into. Unless misfit is a group. =p Been trying to become more 'stylish', but it is slow going, as I'd have to change some of my mannerism as well. I may have to work on that. Especially the no slouching part.

I'm trying to work out more regularly nowadays. It is getting better, although I must admit that I do sometimes forget. Hopefully, this change will happen soon. I'd have to sleep better. That's for sure.

I also admit that I've been sheltered a lot of times in my life in relationship issues such as friendship and other stuff. I have never really grown up. My friendship parameters are still in junior high school mode with patches added on for each 'advance'. So the structure is kind of shaky. However, since the whole set of behavior for working was developed in university, it was much better. It's hard to explain, but I feel that I am an incomplete person, with half of me grown up and the other half being still juvenile.

Oh well, no use whining about this stuff. It is written here just so that it is realized and self-actualization can occur. I believe this will make me a stronger person. That's why I have to say that I'm not really ready for a full fledged relationship yet. My comfort zone is still stuck in that stage between friend and relationship. So, until I grow, that will never happen, which is why I really don't worry about it anymore. I'm worry about my personal growth instead.

I'm happy to say, it's going smoothly.

Until I see you in my dream again, my dear Valkyrie.

ps. been having awesome dreams the past 2 days. Haven't written them down like usual though, so I forget. But they have been epic storylines with different sets of intrigue, romances, fighting and adventure. Very enjoyable.

Past 2 days

So for the past two days, I've been toying around with the idea that I should write a letter to someone I feel I have acted rudely towards quite a number of years ago. And yet, I dare not write it. I have all the reason to write it, one of which is that it would ease my conscience. The other is that I would very unlikely run into her at any point in my future. And yet, I can't seem to write it. I guess it is part of me that refuse to do anything that is unnecessary because it may expose me to new hurts. I can't even use awkwardness as a factor, because I'd be unlikely to see her ever. And yet, I can't write it because I don't know how to apologize. One of the reasons is that while I may have been excessively rude, I don't know how else to apologize. We were never friends, merely acquaintances, but I feel the need to right this wrong, and yet, I also feel the need to let the past be buried in the past.

What do you guys think?

As a new rule, I have tried to smile more. A lazy kind of smile, rather than a shit-eating grin. I find that it does have an effect on the people around me more. They seem to respond to this lazy smile a little bit more. For example, in the supermarket today, 2 old ladies actually smiled, and the cashier actually seem nice and smiled at me, even when she put my bags away. Much better than the indifference I usually get.

I've also rededicated myself. No point after all, until another year has passed. I need to focus and figure out what exactly it is I want to change into first. I'm also cleaning the house with what little time I have left.

My dreams are haunting. They're returning with a frequency and intensity that I haven't experienced since high school. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever meet 'the One', just because dreams are such a big part of my life. And given the technology now, she can never share in it. After all, that's what a relationship is after all, the sharing of common experiences.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever meet someone that I could pledge my loyalty to. And hope she doesn't shatter that loyalty with betrayal. I think that's the only thing I can't ever forgive. It's a good thing I'm pretty accommodating in all other aspects.

Enough writing. I'll go back to cleaning my room before sleeping.

Until I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

A post before I sleep

This week has been a busy week. I keep finding bugs in the system and this causes more work for me. Granted, I do slack off once in a while to keep my sanity, but on the whole, a lot of negotiation, a lot of trying to rack our brains of diagnosing the problem and a whole bunch of time spent trying to effectively use our time.

As a result, I haven't been able to sleep more than 6 hours. I haven't worked the whole other 18 hours, but I do have to spend at least 5-6 hours on my own stuff, in order to just relax. I think stress is slowly killing me.

Been thinking a lot lately, but little resolution. I don't know what I want. I may never know. Maybe I just want someone to love and to pour my affection to (what an image huh). I guess 'loving' and caring is just as important as being loved and cared for.

And then I wonder at my own personal darkness. Have you gone through a checklist of what you can do and cannot do in terms of ethics (if there were no consequences). I think for me, my personal darkness is quite big. I guess part of that is that I dislike being restricted. I think if I had to choose an alignment, I'd probably be True Neutral. And somehow, I think that's the most 'evil' alignment. Just because the true neutral can explain away anything and still come out 'ahead'. For those of you that don't get it, its basically an explanation of ethics from a mathematical model (D&D actually).

My brain isn't working anymore. And I should start working out. I only have 2-3 years left to build up muscle and bone mass apparently.

Sigh. At least Smash Brothers Brawl is coming out this Saturday.

And I need to write another informative article. These self-reflection post need more flavour.

See you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

I guess I don't post often enough when I should

So nothing much has changed. Life goes on.

My job has gotten a lot more hectic. Another person is leaving, causing his workload to add to mine. When I started, I started with 2 blocks to test. Then because the tests weren't going fast enough, it became 4 blocks to test. Now, with this recent increase, it will go to 7. And I'm still being paid as a junior engineer. I wonder if I'd get a promotion any time soon? Probably not =/.

I just impulsively bought a laptop. A T61p Thinkpad with a Penryn processor. Should last me a couple of years. That's my b-day gift to myself. So that's all good. My Wii also now has 4 controllers and I'm going to get a real copy of smash brothers brawl soon. Since my reason of buying a wii was to play SSBB, this is good.

As for the other front, I'm not going anywhere. She's off to her vacation, and I don't think I'm making headway. We're friends. So nothing more than that would develop I think. Oh well, still good to make friends.

Went into Waterloo on friday. Left work early because there was a huge snowstorm. Now, going to Waterloo is normally an hour affair, since it is only 125 km away. When I left work at 4:30, I fully expected to be there at 6:30, so I could play badminton.

It took me till 9 oclock before I entered the municipality of Waterloo.

That's three and a half hours (since I left TO at 5:30). With rush hour traffic and the snowstorm, the highway was at a standstill. At times, I was going not much more than 20 km/h.

That's not all of it of course. I'm a notoriously bad driver. I have already crashed twice into snowbanks and every time I came out unscathed. This time, with the speed I was going, there was almost no way I'd do anything rash....or so I thought.

Well, this time, I think someone was having their private joke. It wasn't until I got off 401 and onto highway 85 ( the final stretch into Kitchener) that my car lost control. I was driving at 100 km/h, when it caught on some snow. It was four fifth of the destination before I lost control.

I'm surprised I'm not horribly injured, or worse, dead. I guess I can credit it to quick reflexes, and gaming, I guess. I did a 270 degree turn across three lanes, from the fastest lane, to the shoulder on the side of the slowest lane. I was REALLY lucky, that there was only two cars heading towards me. They were travelling at 70km/h and one avoided me. The second one was very close to hitting me, but I braked to skid in time so that I just missed her. I was also no more than half a meter from the wall that was on the side of the shoulder. After I got over my initial shock, I had to breathe out deeply. Then I went on my merry way.

I wonder if this was supposed to tell me something or make me learn? I don't really know. All I know is that I didn't really feel that bad. I was shocked, but I was kind of accepting of it. It's not like I was scared. Maybe it was how light the sky was. I really don't know, but I was calm.

Anyways, Waterloo was a blast. Met Yannick, who's a decent guy. Played badminton. Had good food. Met up with FJ, Liang, and Wen. All of which is good stuff. So it was a decent weekend. And I got Smash Brothers Brawl working now. So everything is good.

I guess, for now though, time is at a standstill. I don't know when my frozen clock will start ticking again, but tick it will. Our lives are not that long after all.

Kevin.

Kissing Today?

One of the topics I delved into the past was how people reacting to different things. I've always reasoned that people do things because of conditioning, from conditioning of pain and pleasure. Reading Anthony Robbin's book "Awakening the Giant Within", my theories are given form that other people have read through his book.

However, one of the things that did not make sense to me was the evolution of kissing. Now, the mouth have traditionally been an organ to eat stuff, so how did it evolve into something related to romance or emotions? Granted, a lot of emotion is poured into food. Whenever people are spending quality time with others, it is usually through a meal. Wedding banquets, Business Lunches, Family Dinners, all of these mix our emotional behavior with the surplus of food. And yet, how did we ever get to the idea that putting our mouths together would trigger something as 'romantic' as the kiss?

Now, if you suggest that it was just natural...after all, your waste organs are also sexual organs, then I must admit you have a better idea of what our bodies are for than I. Well, after I read SciAm Mind today, there was an article on why the kiss is so profound in our lives. After all, as Hitch suggested, you get only one night, one kiss and that's all. What makes it so special?

The kiss supposedly evolved from apes. When they are out of food, pressing the lips together may trigger a way to soothe a baby without the presence of food, as well as showing affection and love. Now, this apparently continued towards modern day. Granted, throughout the years, the kiss has evolved as well. Techniques do improve and get passed down. Nowadays, the French kiss (or the Austrian kiss, depending on who you ask) is the norm for passionate kisses. Well, if the kiss is any indication, than France certainly deserves its reputation as the Country of Love.

One of the reasons why kissing is so pleasurable is the abundance of sensory nerves in the area. It is also the area with the thinnest skin. As our mouths can distinguish between pheromones, scientists suggest that it may be the smell, and the taste, of someone that makes us understand genetic compatibility. If something about the kiss feels different, then your body may not like them in bed. Apparently, it is the prelude to everything else. And a kiss that is different may not have anything 'wrong', it just seems incompatible.

Of course, the girls and the guys judging the kiss may have different criteria for judgment. For the guys, it is all about the physical compatibility from the kiss. The genetic makeup and such. For the girls however, it is about the emotional compatibility and whether the guy will stay with her. This is because the girl has a shorter timespan to have kids and this would make the kiss a detector for whether the guy will stay with her or not. So when kissing, you have to try to kiss sincerely (although I have no idea what that means).

And for all you players out there. It is actually much more 'normal' to tilt your head to the right when you are kissing. Apparently kisses between incompatibles tend to tilt to the left, whereas warmer kisses, you tilt your head to the right. However, other scientists have suggested that it is a sign of motor preference, not a matter of emotional preference.
================================================

That's what I learned for today. Tune in next time for more insights into psyche.

Seriously though, I think this stuff is very interesting. Although, I think society views that it's "wrong" to be interested in anything related to the manipulation of people.

I just reread Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou. I think I want to live my life like the last sentence that the main hero and heroine says: "My dream is to die thinking, 'Wow, that was fun. I'm tired." "That's right. Our lives are just starting to get interesting."

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

As I lay my head down to sleep...

It's been little less than a week, and I haven't been able to sleep before 2am. Lot's of things contribute to this, including distractions galore and various ideas swirling around my head.

I've been rethinking about what I really want in life. What would be the 'one sentence' description someone who knows you give you? While people are complex enough that one single sentence doesn't do them justice. But in our world, we make assumptions and stereotypes in order to understand the world. We decide on our perception of a person in as little as under 5 minutes, so what do you do to put your best foot forward? It's hard.

I've been hit with a Korean fad lately. Granted, it is still very small, but my new favourite band is a Korean pop/rock band, "Loveholic". They do very good ballads that's catchy and their style reminds me of the early pop that I love about Jpop. And a recent Korean movie that I watched is "200 pound beauty", a romantic comedy that's about a girl that's.... well, you can guess. I haven't finished it yet, but at times, it is sweet, while at times it is silly. Great escapism, if you can maintain your gag reflex.

Gotten a few more games for the Wii, playing a bit at a time. It's fun, but I really need to get more controllers for it.

As for the state of my life, I really don't know where it's going. But I guess I'd find out. =p I've been hanging out with Terry a little bit more. Their friends are interesting, not the usual group I'd hang around.

And gotten a couple (meaning 2) phone messages lately. One wishes me a happy new year. That seems standard, although, as a guy, I don't remember these things unfortunately. But the second one wishes me a Happy Valentine's day? I mean seriously, I don't get it. And I don't think I can spare any of my brain on that. It's already dying from lack of sleep.

Still listening to Loveholic's albums. It's so good.

I'm just rambling now.

I don't even know where I'd be in a few months. My life feels like its going to start moving very soon, and gain momentum from there. Now, I just need to know when the boulder that is my life will start to move. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I can't tell the future, so the anxiety will be there. Such sweet and cruel anxiety. I should get back to writing novels. I keep getting book ideas, awesome quotes, while walking around in the mall. Excellent villain dialogue and reasoning behind it, but I can never remember it. =/ It's such a curse.

I really don't know why I don't sleep. I need it, but it's secondary to my love of expressing myself right now. OH well, I think I ran out of things to say. Good night, sweet dreams. And may you always look over me, my Valkyrie.

Upon happiness

It was an epiphany for me.

For weeks now, I seemed distressed. A bit out of sorts. Actually, I've probably felt this way quite a few times in my life. An almost seemingly black funk. Probably comes from that fact I've been drifting aimlessly without a direction.

I must admit, I probably haven't live my life the way I wanted to. In a way, I've always just stuck to convention, and try out new things when it didn't change things too much. I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. I'm a conservative at heart. And yet, there's a part of me that would wish this world changed daily. At times, a lot of times actually, I feel like I'm two different people.

Sometimes it's because of this I can't decide on critical decisions. I'd rather let it flow naturally, because either way I choose, a part of me will always regret my choice.

But as I walked out on that Sunday afternoon, just walking towards the mall, everything snapped into focus. I have nothing to be responsible for. I have my life, my health, my petty cash. I'm free to do what I want, as little as my world is. Now I just have to decide whether to expand it or upgrade it. Specialize or generalize. But I got time. It's not like I have to do anything in a certain timing requirement. Everything either goes according to plan or not. Maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself. But either way, I can say that my life isn't craptacular. It's actually pretty nice actually. The only thing I would want is more time. Maybe more sleep.

And sleep also worries me. It's like a small stage of oblivion that we fall into each day. Is my requirement of sleep a sign that I refuse to make decisions. I don't know. But I really think I don't get enough sleep.

Recently, I've been listening to this Korean band, Loveholic. Their songs are mostly ballads, which I like. I think I've in love with the sound. It's been quite a long time since I've been this entranced by music. Although, I wonder what else is in front of my life.

This year marks the 2nd cycle of the zodiac for me. And it shows that I'm 24, no longer a young boy, but a young man that should be taking risks with no thought to the consequences. I wonder if that's really me. I don't even know what I want. I whine a lot about that lack of a love life, but you know what, it really doesn't bother me that much. I'm just kind of curious what it is all about, that's all. Ha, in all honesty, I think that while one part of me idealizes that romantic aspect of oblivion, another part of me sees a relationship as nothing more than a shared memory (the scientific reason why people stay in a relationship), while another part of me sees it as an economic and social convenience. I guess I can become very calculating if I want to be, but somehow, I don't know how useful that skill is. Maybe if I become a lawyer or something.

And I was thinking about my own personal belief system. I've never liked organized religion, but I've always felt that there was something that was watching over me. I call her my Goddess of Convenience. In Elementary school till High school, anything that I wanted to happen, did happen in a matter of speaking. Anytime I needed a bit of luck to make my life easier, that something would happen. Granted, it didn't work really well on critical issues like exams, but anything like multiple choice answers or contests, I would do well on. While I won't link it as some would to a Guardian Angel or something like that, I always believed that a goddess of luck was beside me somehow. Yet I felt that somehow, I've squandered that gift and now I feel like I don't have it anymore. I guess I just need to find my Lady Luck in this plane of existence, instead of in my imagination. =p I wonder when that would be. Haha, somehow I guess that would only happen if my ethereal Goddess of Convenience approves.

Anyways, I should probably sleep. Good night.

Until we meet again in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

I don't really think I can live without my creature comforts.

Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty much a minimalist in terms of what I like to take with me.

And yet, somehow, I'm still not satisfied.

Sigh.

Emo. =p

Except I'm not really unhappy. Just not content.

It's if its bursting out from me because it has nowhere else to go.

I'm going to make some decisions.

No matter how irrational they are.

I think in a way, my imagination trumps my good sense. Or my idealistic romantic side takes over my realistic side. We know not what the future holds, yet we're wildly optimistic. I don't know what it is that inspires such hope. I wonder if it's a support mechanism....

NO~

That's not what I want to talk about. I'm getting distracted again. I think it's because I'm listening to Loveholic's "Sky". It's a Korean rock band that actually sounds pretty damn good.

Well. I don't know what it is that I want to do. I sometimes wonder if I want a ready made path. And then other times, I wonder if there's more information for me to absorb in easy bite sized pieces.

This is truly random.

Sigh.

Life's like that huh.

WInterlicious and Party

Yesterday, went to Winterlicious with Darren. Problem started on thursday, when the other two guests dropped out because of awkwardness or something. So it was basically 2 guys at Globe Bistro. It wasn't bad, but I didn't think it was that good. It is pretty much a taster menu, and while some of the foams and sauces were tasty, it really wasn't that great. The main course was a rabbit stew like thing. While the outer saucy part was good. The preparation left the inside of the meat bland. It was like old stewed pork in chinese cooking. There was no taste to it. Likewise, the desert was blah. Banana cake.

Anyways, afterwards went to this party hosted by Terry, who I haven't seen for a while. Lots of people at this party. Lots of drinking. Poker. Won 15 bucks actually. It was a cash game. Saw Elizabeth, whom I haven't seen for a while. Carter was there. Some other people that I saw once beforehand at Carter's party. Interesting group.

Lots of people there seemed kind of committed to some sort of goal. Some were going to animation school, while others were doing IT work. Yet others just want to party. Was talking to Crystal, this girl that wants to go to university for business, then start her own company or restaurant or something. Why is it that I'm attracted to those that are either quite a bit younger than me or older than me? I think its because the university years make them open to the idea of lots of possibilities, but unable to act on them. When you're young, you have dreams. When you're older, you have goals. But in between, the process of converting dreams to goals make the girls appear aimless.

Overanalyzing again? Who knows =p.

Kevin

Winterlicious

So many things to talk about.

So the original party of 4 grew to a party of 6. Three of us arrived earlier than the other three, who were shopping for a baby shower for their co-worker. The food was excellent. I had the Terrine Maison as the appetizer, the fish of the day for main course and an apple flan for dessert.

The terrine was interesting. It was kind of what I was expecting in terms of genre, but not in terms of flavor. It was supposed to be a mincemeat mixture that was a chicken liver pate. However, didn't really taste the liver.

The fish of the day was good. It was poached trout in a lobster white wine sauce. The carrot and rice accompaniment wasn't anything to write home about. The carrot was heavily drenched in butter and rice was just normal western style rice. The lobster sauce was awesome though, and the trout was still moist, even if I thought it was still considered dry in Chinese cooking styles. This is because it was poached, most likely not in a vacuum sealed bag though. That might be a bit too much to ask for. It was good though.

The flan was good mainly because it wasn't overly sweet. Otherwise, it was nothing overly special either. =p
====================================================
What was most interesting was the conversation that sprung up from the unlikely mix of people. I think it may be the fact that while all of us know each other, but only from work, so our topics ranged far and wide and we established that no topic was taboo.

And like any odd pairing of people, the topic turned to the universal topic of relationships and what attracts women to men and vice versa. Compatible values and confidence was listed as the top reasons of attractions. And then we were discussing what was the first physical attribute that a person notices in their attraction (surprisingly, breasts didn't really rank high. It was eyes and hair that ranked the highest).

Anyways, while we discussed all this, she was quiet throughout the entire part. When her friend 'pressured' her into answering, she replies that she's never really thought about it. And that she really doesn't want a relationship that much. Oh well, what can you do against something like that?

Well, I also must note that she went to the bathroom a lot during this period, both a need to because she drank quite a bit of water, and probably to avoid the questions. We were having fun, but I don't think she did as much. And she really clams up in front of her workmates.

And then, we went to Nathan Phillips to check out the remnants of the Wintercity festival. So the three of us were walking and talking about what we're doing, and she seems very into settling down and getting a house and car. She also seems to be very well traveled, going to Japan several times and cruises.

And she's daddy's little girl it seems. Ugh. Trying to top that, and a seemingly class difference (she seems very well off), it seems impossible. But who knows. Whatever. Que sera, sera. All I hope now is that I develop my skills. It is also for this class increase that I want to get into business. It's hard to jump otherwise.

There's a lot more I want to talk about, but i"m tired now. While I don't lose hope, I do kind of feel disappointed.

Till I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.

You think about the most surprising stuff...

when you're lying in bed. Nothing to distract you. Nothing but the quiet hum of your personal computer (if it is in your bedroom like mine). Total tranquility.

Somehow my mind wandered onto routines and the demonstration of social worth. Couple that with some of the books I've been reading, and somehow this came about.

The Princess Routine
===============

See, everyone loves to feel special. What's more special to a girl than feeling like a princess in Western society? There's two ways for this, to act as the knight or to act as the prince. The knight is the loyal protector, and is basically the nice guy persona. The prince is the frivolous high social standing bad boy.

So start off with a time-limited opener, like "My friend and I were having a discussion and maybe you ladies could enlighten us on the answer. If you were a princess, would you rather be protected by a loyal knight, or a playboy prince?" Then somehow suggest that the target is the princess and ask whether they want to play the princess game for a while (because you have to get back to your friends). If she agrees, suggest that you guys grab a drink (or something) and maybe dance. If she ever asks which one are you, just answer the question with a question. Leave after a quick while (maybe 5 minutes), and say "the magic is over...unless..." etc etc.
===================================

Somehow, this is all theorycraft, but it may work out. Who knows. I don't think I'll try it though, unless I'm in a club and have nothing else to do. But here it is, what my brain thinks up sometimes.

I think I treat encounters like that as an abstract game. It seems more real to me that way somehow.

I also learned that I'm very good with spot analysis, but am worth absolute shit for longterm planning. Somehow, that does not bode well. For example, I can think of the best move at any given point in a chess game, but I can't play beginning or endgame that well. I'm much better with short term goals than long term goals. Which puts my life in jeopardy apparently.

Until I see you in my dreams, my dear Valkyrie.

Settling for mediocrity...

is probably the worse thing anyone can do.

It is a trap too easy to fall into.

There is only one solution.


TRANSFORM!!!

On memory

Dreams are so hard to catch. You can either write it down as soon as you wake up, or have it lost forever, only to pop up in unknown moments as a strange sense of deja vu.

Today's dream was a bit out of character. First off, I'm traveling alone, when I meet this old acquaintance of mine at a dam. She and her sister was traveling to see the sights as well. This dam is world famous and has a naval base built right next to it. The only way to get into the naval base is to get across the dam, which is heavily guarded.

I was taking pictures with my point and shoot and all of a sudden, a storm appeared. The girls went inside the observatory, which was safe from the huge tropical storm. I went out to take pictures instead. I was being careful and took some decent shots, before I went back inside. It was then I met this old guy that seemed to be a fellow photographer. Gave me some advice about taking photos of birds flying through the pictures (eagles actually), and left.

Met up with the girls again and explored the observatory. Somehow, we ended up at a place where you can see the naval base. I reached behind the safety screen around it and my camera did something strange. When I made it to pre-focus on an area, it would blink and then give a wireframe outline of the building along with a map of some sort, as if I doused the entire area with x-ray radiation and I could see the corridors and such.

Then the old man appeared and told me about how there was going to be trouble, and the whole place erupted. It seems like we were at war and somehow I could stop them. I was given a weapon of some sort, which was like a nail gun and fired it into the enemy. However, it was given only to the person who can use it. It gave a semi-religious intonation to the weapon. Somehow, a kid took the second 'sacred' weapon and tried it for himself. While he couldn't accurately fire it, he did use it to drive off some enemies. Somehow, he ended up to my campsite and I was firing these akimbo. It was weird, because the guns had almost no recoil and the top of one was a hammer, while the other one was a screwdriver. The screwdriver one was more powerful actually and the one that the kid gave me.

There was more, but I had since forgotten about it. It was a struggle to open my eyes, as if I knew it would make the dream go away.

Until I see you in my dreams, my Valkyrie.